It’s hard to start over.
Especially when you do it somewhere totally new.
And when you decide to take that big plunge, you can use all the help you can get.
Folks who started over in new cities shared their advice on AskReddit.
Let’s take a look at what they had to say.
1. Be smart about it.
“If you can, move with at least three months rent/ bills/ expenses saved. If you’re not going right into a job, you’re going to want that extra cash.
If you haven’t picked a place to live, and don’t know anyone, walk around different neighbourhoods you’re considering before you move (or aim for a short term lease to begin with).”
2. Very specific.
“Do not start a relationship with someone who you met on Tinder because you didn’t want to be alone in a new city and then let the relationship spin out of control and turn out that she’s kinda insane and very manipulative and then your first 9 months in London are s**t and now a whole borough of London is ruined for you by memories of an abusive ex.
Also, find a coffee shop you like that opens late. Nothing like getting some work done while drinking coffee on a rainy night.”
3. From a veteran.
“Moved around a few times, different cities, different countries.
Few tips.
Join stuff your into – sports, drama, drinking club whatever. Get to meet people with similar interests and get a base in the city.
There’s likely a meeting group for people from where you’re from, or at least a sports bar that shows your countries/teams games. Even if you’ve no interest in the sport, there’ll be others there same as you.
Join stuff you want to be into but didn’t for whatever reason. You’ll have the time and whose going to know you here
Get a job with food delivery place, like uber eats even part time. You get to know the city and the best food.
Rent a place short term, couple months until you get to know what part of the city you want to live.
Lovely new apts tend to be in boring places.
Get your public transport pass, the schedules, any apps for the city, emergency numbers, learn the big traffic times…
You’re moving to live, it’s not a holiday so enjoy your first couple of weeks but watch your money.”
4. Stick it out.
“No matter how homesick you get. Stick with it. Grind it out and know you moved for a reason.
My guess is to make a change. So be the change. As dumb as it sounds “be the change you want to see” There will never be a place that feels like “home”. But home will never give you a fresh start. What I’ve noticed from being a military brat and moving multiple times in my younger life to now being a traveling welder and continually moving, you will always be yourself.
But you don’t have to be who you once were or carry the weight of the regrets and mistakes that are making you want to move in the first place. As the old saying goes. “You live and you learn” everybody makes mistakes but if you don’t learn from said situations good or bad you will forever make the same ones. It’s scary honestly. The thing that eats at me the most is everytime I had/have to move is the feeling of being alone.
But every time I do I learn something new about myself that I would’ve never thought was possible. As scary as it is it’s the most gratifying feeling telling yourself “ hell yeah I did that and I made it”.”
5. Doing solo stuff.
“Get comfortable doing things on your own.
You won’t be alone forever, but there will be times where you find yourself with no one to hang out with and nothing to do. Go out anyway. Just wander. It’s incredible how many cool things you can find when you just leave yourself open to possibilities.
Push yourself to explore. I used to do something I called “the alphabet game”. I’d hop on my bike and look for the letters of the alphabet on street signs in order and turn when I came across them (right at “a” left at “b” right at “c” etc.) just to push myself into areas I wouldn’t otherwise find.
Don’t be afraid to visit the touristy spots. When you get guests from out of town, they’ll want to see them and you’ll want to familiarize yourself with the coolest stuff and know what to skip.
If your lifestyle allows, get a dog. They get you out if the house and are a great way to meet people and will help curb loneliness when it pops up. Just make sure you can give it a happy and healthy life. Some cities are far more dog friendly than others.”
6. See the town.
“Ride a bicycle every chance you get. Explore on that bike, and go everywhere.
Its amazing how quickly you’ll feel at home knowing every nook and cranny, every secret and seeing uplcose and personal the details you miss while driving.”
7. Get a routine.
“Find a routine.
Find a cafe/pub where the owner / servers look like people you would like to hang with and get personal with them. Find some community groups. keep seeing all the sights.
Join some meetups, help out for a cause, constantly ask strangers for directions rather than use GPS.”
8. A good start.
“Saying yes to things, and especially new things, is a good life philosophy in general. If you go and end up hating it, well at least you tried it and you’ll know for next time. If you go and end up loving it, awesome! You found a new thing you like.
For me, I had been having feelings of exclusion from my social group, but I realized I was kind of excluding myself by not being present or actively engaging with people.
All types of relationships take work and one of the best ways to make and keep strong relationships with people is by saying yes when they invite you to do things. When you say yes to things, you’re giving yourself opportunities to make memories, get cool experiences, and bond with people.”
9. You’re still you.
“You are still going to be you, so expect that only the scenery will change unless you make a real effort.
You need to find our build a community early before inertia kicks in. Your job, your hobby, and your social obligation are the three best sources. By social obligation, I mean volunteer work, church, fraternal order, whatever.
We have a lot of people come to my home and they keep voting the same way that ruined the places they are fleeing. Yet they come here and keep voting the same way trying to change things, and failing to see the irony.”
10. A big one.
“If you’re moving to a new country, learn the language!
I can’t tell you how much of a difference it makes. Even if you can communicate with people in your language/ another mutual language, speaking to someone in their mother tongue makes the person feel more comfortable and more willing to open up to you.
There’s also the added benefit of meeting friends in your language school if you choose to go that route.”
11. You got this!
“I’ve moved a lot too, and I would also add that I only start to feel settled in after about six months. Totally have the three weeks of hating it, and you’ll still have times when you are so unbearably homesick.
Keep in touch with your old friends periodically (if you aren’t trying to cut ties), and don’t go back to visit for at least four months. Enjoy the relationships you made, and throw yourself into figuring out the new place.
You made friends before, you CAN do it again, promise!”
Have you ever started over in a new city?
If so, how did it go?
Tell us your stories in the comments, please!
