Breakups, as Elaine Benes once pointed out, can be one of the most important parts of a relationship. Chances are, the majority of relationships you’re in over the course of your life are going to end for one reason or another, and so there should really be some kind of social contract that requires people to end them as nicely as possible.
That said, sometimes it isn’t possible.
Here, OP begins his tale with a bomb: he’s dying, and has less than a year to live.
I’m going to cut to the chase, I (36M) got about a year or so left before making that final trip to the after life. I’ve made my peace with it and these last few years have been the best of my life. We’ve known for a while that I was living on borrowed time so we vacationed a lot before covid.
Everyone knows I probably won’t be here by next year.
Then, he tells us a brief overview of why he and his high school sweetheart – who he expected to marry – broke up a decade ago. She cheated on him, he dumped her, end of story.
Well as it turns out my old ex decided to come back into my life. We were together since high school. Before I proposed I found out she was cheating with one of her friends and broke up when we were 27. It was the darkest time of my life until I was pushed into going to therapy.
After a struggle, he got back into dating and met the woman who is now his wife. She’s seen him through his illness and their marriage is happy and intact.
His ex, though, heard about his impending death and wants to meet so that she can formally apologize for what she put him through all of those years ago.
He said no.
3 years later I got back into dating and met my wife. Got married after 2 years and we have been together ever since. She’s been the most incredible partner through all this and I don’t know how I would’ve made it without her.
You can guess why my ex came back. She’d like us to meet so she could formally apologize to me and have one last conversation. I said no way. She is the last person I want to see right now and didn’t take it well I guess.
Things are a tad more complicated because their families are friends and weighing in, and some of them think he should give her the chance to say her piece.
Our families are somewhat close. Her parents have been my aunt’s neighbors before either of us were even born so they still saw each other after we split. My aunt heard from her folks that I’m refusing to see her and she’s gotten my parents involved.
Now they all hate her (except my aunt who always had a soft spot for her), but they do feel like maybe we should talk before I go. I don’t know what exactly they think this will bring, aside from just dragging up painful memories.
I don’t want to bring up anything from the past and focus on making the most with my wife and family. They left it alone at first until my ex tried reach me again asking to please meet.
He says he’s had his closure, and he doesn’t have to spend any of the time he has left doing things for people who are no longer important parts of his life.
He was very plain about it.
My ex says she heartbroken over my condition and just wants us to talk so we can have closure. But I explained to her I had mine years ago and am in a better place.
And where I believe I was the a$shole was telling her she’s gonna have to live without hers. Im getting a little more ridicule from my aunt and my dad. Mom’s still a bit on my side about it.
They do think what I said was very insensitive and it’s clearly painful for her knowing what she did to me and that I’ll be gone soon.
His wife supports his decision and after defending it to his father, people have generally left him alone.
My wife is completely on my side here and actually gave my dad a piece of her mind (it was pretty hot so see; she rarely ever yells) for making things more complicated for me. They’ve left me alone but it’s still on my mind and I don’t know how exactly I was an a$shole for saying that.
I had said it as statement, there’s no reason for us to speak except it being for her benefit and since I’d rather not, then she will in fact have to live without that closure.
It’s still bothering OP, though, and so he’s asking Reddit whether what he said makes him an a$shole.
Reddit says that she could have apologized years ago, and for her to reach out now seems selfish rather than honest.
Image Credit: Reddit
Others thought this was a bit harsh, though, and we can’t judge her without her side, only him.
Image Credit: Reddit
Either way, there were better ways to handle things from her end, too.
Image Credit: Reddit
No one owes another person closure, regardless of the situation.
Image Credit: Reddit
And yeah, her refusal to take no for an answer speaks volumes.
Image Credit: Reddit
Don’t be this girl, y’all. It’s fine to ask for closure, but if the other person says no, you’ve gotta deal with it on your own. That’s life.
Do you agree? Disagree? Tell me what’s up in the comments!
