Should This Guy's Wife Cover Up Her Tattoos to Spare Grandma the Shock?

I’m not sure what world anyone is living in these days when tattoos are shocking. I’m someone of…a certain age, and even I can tell you that I know more people with tattoos that without, although there’s probably a sliding scale of what’s “accepted as normal” and what is like, a lot of tattoos.

That said, this case does have a bit of nuance that’s important.

This man is married to a woman who has extensive tattoos on her arms and chest. He has no issue with it, but his parents are Japanese and grew up in Japan, where tattoos are strongly associated with gang members and gang behavior.

The parents have accepted the wife and her tattoos as well.

My wife has tattoos covering her arms and chest. My parents grew up in Japan where tattoos are largely associated with gangs, so at first they were very against my wife’s.

However, after a lot of conversation, my parents were able to finally accept my wife’s tattoos.

His grandmother, though, is yet to meet his wife and he’s nervous because her associations with gangs and tattoos are even stronger, because her brother was involved with a gang, and eventually passed away because he couldn’t get out.

My grandma, on the other hand, actually grew up surrounded by gangs. Her brother was in a gang and died while doing gang related activities, so she has a lot of bad memories associated with tattoos and gangs.

My wife and I got married during the pandemic, so my grandma hasn’t met my wife and doesn’t know about her tattoos. She really wants to meet my wife though.

Now his grandmother is dying, and his parents suggested they all go and visit, but that his wife cover her tattoos for the occasion.

They said that, if they do get lucky enough to have more visits, they could try to bring the grandmother around to the idea of the wife having tattoos, but in this case, since this might be their last visit ever, they didn’t see the point of causing grandma stress and trauma.

We got news recently that my grandma is really sick and probably won’t live much longer, so my family all made plans to visit her ASAP since this could be the last time we see her.

My parents and I suggested that my wife cover up her tattoos for this visit so that my grandma doesn’t freak out when she sees her. And maybe during subsequent visits (if there are any more), we could slowly try to help my grandma get rid of her negative stigma surrounding tattoos so that my wife can comfortably show her tattoos around her.

But for this first, and possibly only, visit, we want my grandma to have a good and comfortable time with the family.

His wife blew up, accusing him of being misogynistic and not supporting her, when really, he couldn’t care less – he just wants to have a nice visit with this grandmother for probably the final time.

Also, he adds that his wife routinely covers her tattoos with her regular clothes, so she’s not opposed to it.

Well, my wife was pretty upset with the suggestion and said it is very misogynistic. She said her tattoos and body are an important part of who she is and she doesn’t want to cover it up. While I can kind of understand her, I’d honestly rather my wife just cover them up so that my grandma can have a stress free reunion with our family.

My wife also regularly wears long sleeve and other clothing that covers up her tattoos, so it’s not like I’m asking her to go out of her comfort zone.

When she got so upset he told her he understood, and she was welcome to stay home if she wished, but she’s still mad.

I told my wife that if she was really that opposed to it, then she can stay home if she wants to, and she got even more upset. AITA for trying to get my wife to hide her tattoo?

He also added this for clarity.

Just to be a little more clear, when my parents were opposed to my wife’s tattoos, I was 100% on my wife’s side and fought hard to get my parents to accept them.

My grandma is a different case though because I don’t know if there’s enough time to change her opinion, and I don’t want her last visit with us being spent upset about tattoos.

So what does Reddit say about who is wrong here? Let’s find out!

This person says that OP did a great job respecting everyone involved but his wife definitely did not.