Listen, as far as we’ve come as a society, it’s still not considered polite to tell people to go eff themselves. Maybe some day.
Until then, we’re always on the lookout for ways to convey that same message in so many (different) words…and if you’re at a loss for new and improved options, these 17 people have some pretty great suggestions.
17. An interesting choice.
When someone does something stupid on the road, I’ve found a thumbs up is more effective than a middle finger.
A properly timed thumbs up.
16. You have to wait for it.
“Can you close that door please? … No, from the outside.”
15. Boom.
“Here’s your two cents back, hold on to them and when I need them, I’ll ask.” 🙃
I keep a couple of pennies in my pocket for effect when i do this.
14. Perfect for an office setting.
I’d like to help you out, which way did you come in?
13. Oh, Grandma.
Isn’t your village missing you?
Or, “I believe I heard the king calling you back to his court…”
My Grandma also had a lot of great sayings and the one that really stuck with me was “He should be shot with balls of his own s*%t”
She was raised as the only girl in a family full of brothers. She clearly had a hard life and it showed often, and wasn’t always pretty, but I liked her, and miss her bluntness.
12. They’ll have to be smart enough to get it.
I hope the rest of your day is as pleasant as you are.
During my waitron days, I used that line on a rude customer. He got mad and asked to speak to my manager. Thankfully, my manager was cool and asked him, “Why was that offensive to you? Were you rude to him?”
11. This made me snort.
“Let’s play horse. I’ll be the head and you be yourself.”
10. Well this is a sick burn.
What I saved from a previous thread:
During the 1980s, then Prime Minister of New Zealand Robert Muldoon was asked about the increasing exodus of New Zealanders leaving the country to work in Australia.
His comment was that by doing so, they were raising the average IQ of both countries.
9. When your teacher has had it.
One time I was in my high school history class and one of the upper class men was causing trouble as usual during a video and he’s bothering the people actually trying to learn. This is obvious to the teacher who decided to pause it and calmly looked at the trouble maker and proceed to say as calm as ever, “RandomA$$hat, would you please go to the office before I say what we’re all thinking.”
Kid saw almost everyone looking at him right after the teacher got the words out and almost walked confidently out of the room. This isn’t over yet or where it comes in. I’d heard from a couple of friends who overheard the principal yelling at the kid and told him “what in the actual crap is wrong with you, you need to unscrew you head from your a$$ and get it back on the right way.”
This was back in the early 2000s I dunno if it’d fly today.
8. The key word is “due.”
Whatever follows “With all due respect.” I can’t think of any point where that phrase is meant kindly.
7. Simple and clean.
You do you.
I love the simplicity of this one.
6. A bold power move.
My Mom always said if you can’t say something nice about someone, don’t say anything.
Then just stand there, staring at them quietly.
5. Southern staples.
Bless your heart.
Or my go-to snide southernism, “Well, aren’t you a peach!”
Usually I say it low and sarcastic, but if I bother to Southern it up I go for upper class Georgia (think Macon, Augusta, or Savannah), and then it sounds more like, “Ahhnt you ah paych.”
4. And just leave it at that.
“Thank you for your input.”
I will give your comment all the consideration it deserves.
3. Double burn.
Your parents must be so proud.
In a Walmart parking lot
Guy 1: I’M NOT ASHAMED OF WHO I AM!
Guy 2: THAT’S YOUR PARENTS JOB!
2. They spoke the same language.
The HR lady at a small company I worked for was always making these snide, “work space” passive aggressive comments, apparently thinking they went over people’s heads.
On my last day I thanked her for her opinion, and her eyes went wide like someone making rude comments about a stranger in a different language when they find out the stranger understands their language.
“Thank you for your opinion. I will take it under advisement.”
1. Can we translate this into something general please?
In the FAA when we were done listening to your BS we would say “ thank you for your interest in aviation safety.”
It was widely understood to mean STFU and go away.
My personal favorite? Go piss up a rope.
If yours isn’t here, drop it in the comments!
