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If there’s anything I’ve learned for sure from all of the crime shows and podcasts I enjoy it’s that every single person on the planet has secrets. Some are big, some are small, most are probably in the middle – but very few of them would be ruinous if they got out.
These 18 people classify their secrets as “dirty,” so beware before scrolling to check them out!
18. As long as it’s done.
All my work can be done on my cellphone and I lay in bed most mornings until noon.
17. He got in really deep.
I was 10 and lonely. My parents had been working day and night to get their start up business off the ground. It was the classic latch key child scenario. As they say, idle hands are the devil’s workshop. So after several months of spending my afternoons alone with microwave burritos and Transformers cartoons, I decided to diversify my entertainment selection.
I proceeded to ransack the entire office, making it appear that a person had broken in and rummaged for money. I broke a window, two lamps, smashed the legs off a chair and pulled every file from the cabinets and tossed them around the room like confetti. I then called my mother and told her I’d just gotten home and found the place burglarized.
She told me to get out of the house, and called 911 on her way home. The cops arrived with their sirens blaring at about the same time she rolled up. They stormed the house with guns drawn, screaming come out with your hands up! When I saw them going all Delta force through my front door I knew that I had probably gone a little too far this time.
Long story short, a detective came to take a report after the patrol cops had cleared the premises. As I was sitting on my living room sofa, surrounded by the tattered remains of my dirty work, the detective looked me dead in the eyes and said there was no break in was there?
The man looked right into my soul and knew the truth. And I knew he knew so lying was pointless. I burst into tears and started blubbering. He walked over, put his hand on my shoulder and said it’ll be alright. Thankfully, I was young enough to escape any criminal charges. My parents weren’t too harsh with their punishment either.
I guess they figured it was more a cry for help than the actions of a burgeoning sociopath. For the next couple of years they made sure someone was always home with me. Or they made sure I was signed up for an after school program.
16. It’s hard to forget.
One time when I was like 5-9 years old my dad was shopping around at a lumber store. I wandered around alone and couldn’t find a bathroom. I had to pee so bad. So I just found a secluded back corner behind some wood and pissed on the floor.
30 years later I still drive by that place every day and remember.
15. On a technicality.
I technically failed my Drivers Ed class, which I needed to pass so I can get a license in my state. I got one more question wrong that over a failing grade. The proctor told me “change the answer you got for no, 11, then bring it back up.”
I went back to my table and asked what everyone got for #11. They all gave the same answer so I thought it has to be right.
So I changed my answer, took my test back up to the proctor and she said “congratulations, you passed drivers ed”.
14. Poor Ms. Weber.
I never wrote my 7th grade science paper on Dysentery, and when my teacher asked me if I turned it in, I said yes.
She looked through all of the papers and stacks of paperwork on her very crowded desk, and she said she “knew she saw it there somewhere.”
I got a B for a paper I never wrote.
Sorry Ms. Weber.
Edit: it wasn’t Cystic…it was just plain ol’ dysentery. Sorry for my subconscious musical addition
Edit 2: All of the replies confirm that so many of us made bad decisions but had awesome teachers. Kudos to the good ones out there keeping our dreams of academic progression alive!
13. Some good had to come out of it.
I’d only just begun paying off a vehicle loan in mid 1999. My January payment was returned with the bank saying it was payed paid off. Not even close.
Thanks Y2K.
12. This one hurts my heart.
When I was 15 or 16 I was in an abusive relationship and he would want to go out and I had to pay, but if I didn’t have money he would get mad so I would take money out of my grandma’s savings box every time he would make me go out, it made me so guilty, but she never said anything, so over the years and after a lot of therapy now that I’m an adult, have a job and all I put money from my salary in her box without her noticing, I think I’ve already paid back everything I took but I don’t want to stop, it hurts to think if she ever was affected by what I did… No matter the reason I did it.
11. Sorry not sorry.
I have been hiding the milano cookies in an empty quaker oats container. Sorry family.
10. So far.
I just graduated school and got a job at a big company in engineering. I spend a lot of time each day looking at memes, watching YouTube videos, etc… sometimes I do work.
They’ve told me I’m doing a good job so far.
9. Is this English?
In high school I paid someone online with RuneScape gold to do my entire math Summer school class.
I generated that gold with a bot I programmed.
8. A free trial.
I have abandonment issues that I never tell my partners (which is why they barely last).
Ever since I was young, I moved every year and never had permanent friends. Eventually, my parents divorced, I fought with my dad, and never saw anyone from my dad’s side ever again (besides my grandpa). This made relationships seem so flimsy and ever since, I’ve never dated a girl properly for more than a month thinking it’ll never last anyway.
My friends call me a one-month free trial lmao.
7. Kind of wholesome.
When I was about 8 i was in a supermarket with my mum and she had to use the bathroom.
I was sat on the bench outside waiting and there was one of those “press to break glass” fire alarms on the wall. I wanted to know how hard you had to press it… not very hard as it turns out.
The whole store had to leave their shopping and go outside, well over 100 people. Not sure what happened after that because we just went home.
It’s been 20 years and I’ve still never told anyone.
6. They finally came clean.
I came clean a few years ago. But in the 4th and 5th grade I had an obsession with sharp things like knives and razors and would bring them to school. One day our teacher was reading a book and I was messing with the razor behind my back and cut the overhead projectors cord and flipped the breakers for the room. They could tell I cut it but never found the razor blade I hid.
20 years later I find my teacher on FB who still teaches at the same school. I fessed up and told him where he might find the razor blade in the classroom. Sure enough all these years later he found the blade with a hole burned in it from the shock. He decided to keep it as a souvenir from his very first year teaching.
Edit: wanted to add one more thing, this was because someone posted a class picture on FB and tagged everyone, it was like a mini reunion. All of my classmates and the teacher learned the truth lol.
5. They had to know that would be awkward one day.
I was supposed to map the coordinates of our class’ buried time capsule in 1979 and did not do it.
It was scheduled to be dug up in 1999. Though I had moved across the country and started a family by then, I reached out to the teacher (who was now a school superintendent) to reveal my dirty secret and offer my help finding it, but my calls were not answered.
Perhaps a responsible adult noted the coordinates during the burying and everything turned out okay. I do not know.
4. Those poor innocent raccoons.
It wasn’t raccoons that spilled that paint in the garage in 1993.
It was me.
3. A clerical error.
I got an $8,000 dollar scholarship, due to a clerical error, for having above a 3.7 GPA all semester but my GPA was actually 3.07.
2. He let someone else take the blame.
In senior year of HS, I put a milk carton in the ceiling of a portable building right before spring break. When we came back from spring break, the classroom smelled like a rotting corpse.
Some other kid that was a known prankster somehow got blamed and was suspended.
1. Diabolical!
When I was a kid, my mom took away my favorite computer game CD for a few weeks as punishment for something I did. (Bad grade I think?)
I found where she hid it, photocopied the CD label, cut out the print, glued it to a blank disk, and put that in the place of the real CD. (Surprisingly she never noticed!)
I played it when no one else was home. It’s been 18 years, and I still haven’t told her!
People are so weird and hilarious, aren’t they?
What’s your dirty little secret? Confess it to us in the comments!
