Infertility is one of those topics that people don’t talk about as often as they should. It affects a ton of couples and working through the idea of the family you assumed you would have not looking like you imagined has to be tough.
This couple always assumed they would have children, but after trying for awhile without success, they went to a doctor and learned OP’s husband is infertile.
He spent some time grieving reality and then suggested they look into a sperm donor.
so I (32f) and my husband (35m) have been together for eight years, married for six. My husband has always talked about having kids. We decided we were ready last year.
After months of stress and no results, we went to a doctor and found out my husband is infertile. He’s always deeply wanted to be a father, so this was a big deal to him. We took a few months to process – and he grieved the loss, understandably so.
To my surprise, he suggested we go to a sperm bank. I was a little unsure if trying so soon would be a good idea, but he insisted that neither of us are getting younger – and he was completely okay with things. He’s always been pretty blunt with his feelings, good or bad, so I thought it was alright. At first, it was.
At the first appointment, though, it became clear to OP (after some extremely concerning comments) that he was not ready to proceed with that process.
Then we started looking through the book at the descriptions of the donors, and all of a sudden my husband’s attitude changed.
He demanded to see some samples of sperm from shorter men, because “it’s a man thing” and he apparently wouldn’t be able to love “someone else’s son” that’s taller than him, living in “his” house. I stopped the appointment, and we got into a terrible fight on the way home.
He apologized saying he was just emotional realizing it wouldn’t really be his son. That the book made it seem real.
Even though he apologized, the rude and concerning comments continued to the point that the two of them were barely speaking.
We agreed to tentatively start the process again – but throughout the week he made comments about how “I might as well just cheat on him” and snide remarks about how my boss would be happy to “put a baby in me” if I asked.
He even got jealous of my BROTHER IN LAW, and made a very rude comment to him and my sister about how we could swap for a night and “all get what we wanted ”.
I shut the entire thing down after that, saying I didn’t want to have kids with him when he was acting like this, maybe never after that.
Still, they had agreed to attend a family birthday event (his family) and so decided to go ahead and go.
At the party, she overheard her husband telling some of his relatives that she was the one who was infertile, calling her “too old” to become a mother, and laughing about “trading her in” for someone younger.
With obligations to visit his family for a birthday dinner, we did. It was an alright, if slightly cold evening, until his mother asked me to get him and a few others back inside. I wasn’t surprised to find them complaining about me, but the subject matter shocked me.
He’d told them our recent marital problems were because I was infertile, due to my “old age”. I listened as he told his brother, on and on about how he “just wasn’t sure if I was worth the effort” and “maybe he should try to find someone younger while he still could.”
They joked about the women he could be sleeping with. It was crass, insulting and deeply embarrassing. It also wasn’t true. I was livid.
Angry and hurt, OP lashed out and told everyone the truth about why they weren’t getting pregnant.
I went back inside and grabbed the car keys, and when asked why I was crying, I told everyone in the room, all adults, the truth.
I left him there and ignored his calls.
Now her husband is angry with her for embarrassing him, she’s staying in a hotel, and there seems to be a very good chance that their marriage is over.
When he finally came home, we had the biggest argument of our lives about how I shared such a big insecurity and shamed him to his family. That his mother cried.
I’m currently staying with my sister, and I think our marriage may be irreparable.
He says I humiliated him, and I know that I did. But he was perfectly fine lying to humiliate me and claiming he wanted to leave me. AITA?
Does Reddit think OP was wrong? Do they think the marriage is worth saving?
Let’s find out!
The top comment says her husband definitely deserved everything he got (and then some).
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This person hopes OP will leave and never come back.
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More than one person commented on how disgusting all of his comments have been.
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This comment really commiserates about how sad all of this made OP.
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They suggest that maybe the universe knew what it was doing when it made this dude infertile.
Image Credit: Reddit
This is so sad and gross and I feel so badly for OP.
Even by askreddit standards, this is shocking, don’t you think? Let us know in the comments if this is one of the worst relationship posts you’ve read!
