If you love visiting Las Vegas and luxuriating in one of their many fancy pools where waitstaff brings you booze and chicken wings all day, well…maybe don’t read this article.

Or, if you do, plan on finding yourself a new favorite vacay spot (maybe the ocean, where saltwater kills a lot of stuff!).

The tale of why Las Vegas pools are The Worst comes to us courtesy of biological and chemical warfare specialist Dan Kaszeta. He began his career as a Chemical Officer with the US Army, spent some time working for the Pentagon as a defense contractor, and he’s trained on historical and modern chemical and biological weapons of war.

He began the tweet thread trying to be nice to y’all, just saying that you should never swim in a Vegas pool – or even touch the water.

Originally, he declined to induce vomit with the details.

Then some Vegas pool enthusiasts (I guess that’s a thing) kept prodding, and so now we all have to know exactly what we’re swimming in, so hold on.

It began in the late 1990s, when he was working “at the White House Military Office.” A friend from another federal agency called, asking if they could use his lab to do a full chemical and biological analysis on a suspicious sample.

They sent the unknown substance to the lab, along with a couple of samples from the hotel – one of tap water, and one from the pool.

We don’t want to see where this is going, but I’m afraid we do.

Once the lab was done with their magic, they were alarmed enough to call Dan in the middle of the night with the results.

They didn’t know which of the substances was the one that was supposed to be of concern, but that one turned out to be completely harmless. The tap water was fine.

The control sample, from the pool water, was not fine.

A SHOP OF HORRORS.

It contained…a lot of nasty stuff. And this is just the first tweet.

Viruses. The stuff you get from a tick bite.

Other stuff he’d never heard of, which I’m assuming was really saying something.

Being into the scientific method, he asked for more samples from other pools at the local hotels, just to make sure this wasn’t a bad day or something.

It wasn’t. Water straight out of the Potomac was safer than what filled the pools in Vegas.


A few years later he was in town and collected his own samples. Same thing.

And sure, there were people who gave him a hard time, but he said he “knows what he knows” and he’s not getting in any pools out there.

Maybe no public pools at all, if I had to guess.

He did link to real, published studies that verified his facts.

Now that you know what he knows, are you getting in the Vegas pools?

If you do…don’t get any water in your mouth. Seriously.

I’m listening to the expert and not getting in at all, but as ever in this country, you do you.