Do you have friends who are night owls to your early bird? Are you up at odd hours for one reason or another and don’t think before firing off a text or sharing a video with a friend who might be asleep? In our global culture, I’m willing to be this happens more often then we’d like to admit.
That said, is it the job of the texter or caller to check the time and make sure it’s an “appropriate” hour, or is it the job of the person who owns the phone to manage their settings if they don’t want to be disturbed?
This poster thinks the latter – it’s your device, after all, so why are you letting it bother you?
CMV: Waking up at night from a text is your own fault. It’s your phone, stop getting pissed at others because you left your sleep up to random chance
It’s come to my attention that some people get really pissed when they get texts at night. This is especially stupid when they have friends who are known night owls.
So, they are complaining about waking up because of their own device. That really should be my whole argument basically, but here’s more…
So am I saying it’s OK and cool to text people in the middle of the night? Well, think of it this way: In reality you’d be stupid to do it, because of this exact phenomenon. That’s why I don’t do it, and also cause I don’t usually have a reason to do it. But it doesn’t change the fact I will defend your right to be able to do it lmao, because honestly, sometimes I just want to text somebody at night so that they can see the fucking text when they get up.
On top of this, isn’t it just supremely dumb to have a text sound on at night? Between calls from telemarketers early in the morning, and texts from your drunk or fucked up friends late at night, aren’t all arrows really pointing at you failing to turn your sounds off?
I get that people aren’t gonna want to fuss with their settings daily, but here’s the real confusing bit to me: why the hell do you want an incoming text sound anyway? I have never, ever in my life regretted not knowing that I got a text RIGHT away. I check my phone often enough. I get enough texts anyways, that I get back to people in like an hour or so usually, and often a lot faster. I check my phone when I feel like it, instead of when my phone decides. Having the sound on isn’t even good for your mental state anyway, or your fucking sleep apparently. Use vibrate if anything I guess, that makes a billion times more sense. What kind of texts are you getting where you’re gonna be burned not replying in 1m? Billion dollar business deals? Who do you even know that needs such a super quick response? It’s literally just tech addiction.
If you wanted my attention really badly for something quickly, would you text me or call me? If you were waiting outside my building to come inside, would you text me or call me? If you had anything important to tell me that was time sensitive, would you text me or call me? If you answered ‘call me’ to all 3 of those questions, congrats! There is hope for you
It’s called a ringer. That’s my version of ‘ding’. Ringer = holy fuck I need your attention. Text = casual, non life-threatening chat where there’s not urgent up-to-the-minute fuck-giving at hand. If there’s ever a situation where I’m anticipating some contact I don’t want to miss, I tell people to call me. My ringer is always on. (I turn it off when I sleep cause I’m not fuckwitted lol, cause I have friends that are known night owls and so am I sometimes).
Plenty of people have valid reasons for keeping their phones on at night, though, so this one probably isn’t too cut and dried.
12. There are always special cases.
What about other cases? I’m not very social. I may not get texts for days and it’s extremely rare to get one in the middle of the night. So there’s no need for me to remember to change a setting before I go to sleep.
And if calling in the middle of the night should be for emergencies, then what would you need to text someone in the middle of the night that couldn’t wait?
So maybe that 95% isn’t right either. Maybe you shouldn’t say that everyone needs to conform to what you want and instead realize that your actions have consequences and understand that every situation is different.
You’re not willing to consider other people, why should they consider you?
11. Learn about your phone!
they should have a setting where you can tell the phone when you usually sleep, so that your ringer and sounds are all off late at night
Android has “do not disturb” which does this.
You can also set is so you can get calls and text from certain contacts too in case of emergency.
10. Other people should understand emergencies.
I keep my sound on because there actually are important people in my life and there is the slightest chance they might seriously contact me for an emergency. Outside of that, I don’t give two fucks that you’re a night owl.
If I specifically asked you not to text me then don’t outside of that you’re just an asshole, that’s not my fault.
9. Your phone is smarter than you think.
Generally you wouldn’t ring someone after midnight for example, it’s common sense they could be sleeping.
Yes they could set their phone to silent and make a list of the contacts exempt from this, for example I would have to add my dad to the exempt list because if he rang me at 2am it’s for a fucking good reason.
If my mate gets drunk and drunk dials me at 2am I’m gonna be pissed at him, simple.
If he wasn’t drunk he’d know not to do so. It was his error.
8. Too many assumptions are being made.
Anecdotal evidence: someone called me in a domestic violence situation, so I started texting someone else physically closer to the situation to ask them to call the cops.
Overall, I get the feeling that you don’t have a ton of life experience, and you’re making some big assumptions about what people need.
7. People have their reasons.
Years ago I had an old friend that was being abused by his husband and we had no idea. He texted me one night that his husband hit him and he left the house and needed somewhere to go. My phone was in the living room and so it didn’t wake me up. Apparently an hour later he texted back and said he went home and patched things up. He was in that abusive relationship three more years, despite us trying to help him.
I can’t help but think that if I had read that text when it came in we could have gotten him out that night and saved him from three additional years of abuse. Because of that instance I keep my phone on my bedside every single night with the volume turned up enough that I will wake up to a text or call. And I will always do this.
I do get occasional texts at 2 am that are a minor annoyance but it’s worth it and I don’t blame the sender. It does annoy me when I’m on a group chat and they all decide to have a lengthy text discussion at 2 am. But whatever, it’s worth a few nights lost sleep if I have another chance to help a friend in trouble.
I can be angry at the disruption while I’m trying to sleep, especially if it’s for something stupid, but I never complain because you’re right – it’s my decision.
6. What are phone calls?
I’ll present two reasons. The first you might not agree with, but whatever. It’s generational differences. I’m 48. I come from the era of phone calls. You wouldn’t call some randomly at 2 am, it’d be considered rude by most people, unless it’s an emergency. This is somewhat mitigated by my liberal use of DND that is time based and my phone won’t make a peep between 9pm and 6am unless you are on “The List” or you call two times in like 10mins or something.
My more compelling argument. I work in a hospital. I provide anesthesia on-call services. My phone is the primary means of alerting me when my services are needed. I have to allow texts and calls to come through. I have to allow sounds. I even have to answer calls from unfamiliar numbers. Now let me set up the scenario. I’m on call. Worked all day 7am -9pm, with only a few minutes to catch my breath and scarf some lunch. I get a call at 10:15pm to evaluate a patient. I get a call at 10:45 pm to evaluate a patient. I go to bed at 11pm and sleep blissfully until 3:30am where I go place an epidural for a laboring mom. Back to bed and 15 mins later at 4:30 get called for a possible emergency surgery. If you happened to text me at 1am, I’d be woke up again, more tired for subsequent patient encounters and would probably block you from ever sending a text again. Point is, basic social norms (I realize they are changing) say don’t text at night unless you know the person well enough to know it’s okay.
My $0.02
5. A blanket rule doesn’t help, because people.
It doesn’t really work that way.
Maybe in a strange world where nobody knows anybody and everyone follows the same rules of life…
But that isn’t reality.
My wife and I, my wife far more than me, have had jobs where it’s absolutely important to get good sleep. She’s a healthcare professional and she is on call often enough.
She has to be able to get texts at night during this time.
So in the real world, her friends know not to text her at night, because her texting is on, and it’s loud, and it wakes her.
There’s no view here to change really because every single situation is different. You can text me all you want nowadays, I’m not on call for anything anymore. You text my wife and you are going to get a text telling you please do not do that, or if you are one of her good friends, you are going to get an earful of why you should damn well know better.
4. You have to know your friends.
Here is the thing, if it’s normal in your social group to be night owls, and you know your friends are the same, you have an unspoken understanding, late night txts are cool. If your friend has a different pattern to you and you ignore that, you are showing a huge lack of respect by texting them at all hours. A bit of common decency goes a long way. This is something that really changed alot as I went from early to mid and now to late 20’s.
Yes it’s easy to set a DND on your phone, but for a lot of us, we want to be easily contactable in an emergency. Yes if you call three times, DND lets the call through, that’s great, but what if it’s a hospital? Will the nurses call three times in a row? Does it work from a private number? What if it’s my elderly grandmother? Will she remember to call three times? What if she has had a fall and is barely able to make the one call?
What if it’s an emergency txt from a loves one In a situation they couldn’t call? Or there wasn’t enough reception for a call? There are just so many possibilities, and for a person with responsibilities for others, it’s not worth the risk of being inaccessible.
3. I guess some people are better friends?
So you think the 95% of people dont have friends or family they would be willing to wake up for and help in an emergency at 4am?
Heck you wont find any contacts in my phone of people where i wouldn’t be willing to wake up at 4am to take care of their cat for a couple days because their parent/child/whatever had an accident and might die so they want to visit them asap and cant give the pet to someone else.
At some point it becomes a compassion thing i would be willing to do for practically anyone so its really not feasible to set some kind of filter on who can call me.
It should be up to everyones common sense not to call anyone in the middle of the night when its not some kind of urgent emergency.
2. We all have people who depend on us.
I have family members with serious mental health issues, and I need to be contactable at night for those times when having no one to talk to on a long night could set them over the edge, or when there are updates i.e. they have been hospitalized.
This means I can’t leave my phone on silent overnight. It also means when I wake up in the middle of the night to a message my stress levels rocket, because it usually means it isn’t good news, and it can take a long time for me to be able to calm down to fall back asleep.
If I wake up to a text in the middle of the night and it is something inane like a bored friend sending a meme, it pisses me off. I don’t expect them to realise my personal issues, but I do think it is general courtesy not to disturb people during late hours.
Many people have similar issues like mine, and I think if you are a friend, you shouldn’t be so thoughtless. Unless it is important their message can wait until daylight hours.
1. Time zones are hard.
My really close friends live in different time zones, and it’s really hard to find times when we are all awake and available to chat. Most times, two of us are awake and chat away about something in our group chat, because we want the third person to know as well, and the third will be asleep when this happens.
So in our case, we just message whenever, since there is no “good” time to do it really… Past midnight is good for someone, and in the middle of the day is bad for someone else.
I personally leave my phone on silent literally all of the time, but I can definitely understand this guy’s point.
What do you think? Let us know in the comments!
Thanks fam!
