As someone who delivered food for a while (Mojo’s, Lawrence, Kansas, RIP), I can attest to how many weirdos you have to interact with on a daily basis.
And how many odd and creepy places you have to go to.
AskReddit users who have done time in the delivery field shared their experiences. Buckle up.
1. Get outta there
“It was outside of town on a dirt road with tall trees. Every “house” was basically just plywood shacks. There was broken down cars and trash everywhere. The entire neighborhood just reeked of a b rated horror film. I find the right house and walk up to the “door” but it was just a blanket so I had to yell “Pizza!” They come to the door and grumbled.
It was a haggard looking man wearing boxers and a dirty white tank. Something felt wrong as he handed me a bill that looked washed. I held the $100, with old Ben Franklin’s face on it, up to the light and could clearly see Abe Lincoln in the paper.
They had ordered around $50 worth of pizza and wanted change. He tried convincing me that he went to the bank and they gave him that bill. I asked him why then wrong face was on there and he said that’s how they do it. I said hell no and drove away as fast as I could. We stopped taking orders that don’t have street roads.”
“Someone ordered pizzas to a funeral. There were A TON of people there, all somber and dressed in black while I rolled up in my bright red greasy T-shirt lol. Definitely one of the most awkward experiences I’ve had.”
3. OH MY GOD
“You just reminded me- my husband delivered to an older woman who ended up dying during the time it took for him to get there after she placed the call (~20 mins). He said he showed up as they were loading her up into an ambulance (I think) and that the family was standing around watching and he didn’t know what to do so he gave it to one of the family members (who paid for it) and left.”
4. No thanks
“I didn’t end up delivering the pizza but the address was an abandoned house.. it was around dusk and the house was so obviously uninhabited, I could see trees growing through the windows and the backside of the house was crumbling so badly I could see to the backyard… from the street.
The instructions were to “come around back”. I double checked the address after locking my doors called the customer a couple of times, called the store and told em what was up and why I wasn’t delivering the pizza and headed out.. I mean seriously who would have been dumb enough to go to the back of that house?”
5. I’m under here!
“I once delivered to a guy living under his porch if that counts.
I drove up to the house. Its pitch black. No lights on. I look at the ticket and it says “use back door.” I go up the steps and no lights on. Nothing. Then I hear a voice from below me say, “hey down here.”
I look under the porch and theres a small door leading into what looked like a makeshift apartment. I had to actually crouch to get to it. Gave the guy the pizza and bounced the fuck out of there.”
“The one where they tried to pull me in the house.
Not coincidently the last delivery I ever made.”
7. A bunch of good stuff
“Extremely large man naked on his bed telling me to come in. i yelled that i wouldn’t like to do that and he replied “oh it’s a girl, why’d they send a girl” as if we knew the situation there….
Delivered to a trucker in his rig. berated me for having a single nose piercing and colored hair because he had a son “with all them piercings” and all he does is drugs now. then the man texted me “can i ask you a silly question” (i had called him to find his specific rig for the delivery). i ignored and blocked him and he called the store asking for me specially to return and bring him a specific sauce packet…… my manager said no and had me stay in the store with the crew until it was time to leave.
One woman answered the door in a thong and asked where another delivery driver was. told her he wasn’t working. she replied “well he knows to always do mine for me”. again tried to explain that he was not present in the store that day. later found out he was dealing while delivering.”
“Every Hoarder House I ever delivered to. Honestly, I feel for those folks, there’s usually a mental issue that starts it. Sometimes it’s just learned behavior, either way it’s still just sad to me.”
“I was delivering chicken (KFC) not pizza, but my worst stop was pathetic, really.
I knock on the door, I hear a kid yell “I GOT IT”, he opens the door, and runs up the stairs yelling to his friends “The chicken asshole’s here! The chicken asshole’s here!!”, after which a crowd of about 8 pre-teens at the top of the stairs start throwing change down the stairs at me to pay for the delivery.
I asked if they could hand me the money, they laugh and just throw the quarters/dimes/etc. harder.
So I picked up the bag of food, winged it up the stairs at them, it hit the wall, and I split.
Told the boss what happened and if they call to complain I won’t listen or apologize; I’ll just quit if he brings it up. I found out later he did get a call and told them to get stuffed.
“Used to deliver part time in a not so nice part of town. Used to do a regular delivery to an adult book store, my 18 year old mind was blown the first time I went in & saw all the sex toys & shit hanging on the walls.
Another time I delivered to a room at a hot sheet motel. Dude opened the door & while he was counting out the money I saw a naked hooker sit up in the bed behind him.”
“I worked at Domino’s and we had to blacklist a guy because he was obsessed with me. He would come in and ask if I was there. If I wasn’t working that day he would just show up the next. If I was on a delivery, he’d wait around in the store for me.
He would tell me that he loved me and ask me out on dates. He was very bad on heroin and made it obvious. The last time I delivered to his house, he ordered about $40 worth of food and drinks, and kept trying to hand me $100 even though I told him numerous times I didn’t have the change.
He apparently stole his grandma’s cell phone and wouldn’t give it back and him and his cousin were screaming at each other the whole time I’m waiting to get the smaller bills he kept telling me he had. He had nothing smaller than a $100 and he kept arguing with me because he changed his mind and just wanted 1 pizza and a drink and I told him I couldn’t do that.”
12. A dodgy part of town
“So while I was in under grad, I worked as a pizza delivery driver. I had a delivery to a dodgy part of town with a delicious pie. When I got within a couple miles of the residence, a local sheriff’s deputy got in front of me. We made all the same turns. Then as we got closer, another got in front of him and one behind me. I start freaking out a bit as I’d been smoking some weed, but carry on.
Finally, we all get to the same residence which is totally surrounded by police in riot gear, guns drawn, all that shit. I get out with my pizza and discover the house I’m supposed to deliver to is the one with SWAT out in front. One of the officers waves me off and says, “he’s not gonna need that today” and they proceed to breach the door, to which I return to the car with a free pizza and get the hell outta there.
They were added to our “Do not deliver” list but I don’t think we ever heard from them again.”
13. Help me!
“Funnest job I ever had, but man the shit I saw and went through. The most fucked up delivery had to be when a woman answered with her huge beautiful Siamese cat. I love that breed, so I ask if I can pet him. She says yes, I bend down.
The cat purrs, rubs against me, all the usual signs of liking it. So I stand up to finish giving this lady her pizza, the cat lunges and bites me above my right eye, and wraps all 4 limbs around my head. Panic! Freeze! Wtf do I do?! Wtf is going on?!
Why isn’t this lady helping me???? I grab this demon cat from hell by the front legs and just rip him the fuck off of me. As I do my contact lense pops off. All I can think is that it’s eye skin coming off of my eyeball. I throw that fucker down and just freak out at the amount of blood that starts pouring out of my gash. The woman brings me into her house and puts a towel on.
I tell her she has to take me to the emergency room or call 911 as I can’t see to drive myself. After all it was her cat who attacked me. She drives me to a minor er place. I get stitches, and a tetanus shot. She foots the bill. Never see her again. Boss wasn’t happy that I missed the rest of the night, or had another order in my car. Fuck that cat.”
14. A sad story
“First time to a huge mansion that was renowned for big tips, where you had to go around the back to a gate leading to the pool patio. Guy who answered the gate doorbell (!) had been disfigured in some horrible accident.
He had me wait while he got his wallet, so I got a good dose of the backyard where a raging party was going on. Coke being snorted, craziness in the pool, booze bottles everywhere, and it was like midday on a Wednesday.
Guy finally comes back, addresses me by name (no name tag) and says “you don’t remember me, do you?” Knowing that I’d remember those injuries, I realized he must know me from before he got hurt, and I stammered out a weak “no, I don’t?”
His response blew me away – he recalled being in first grade with me at a local Catholic school I attended for one year. Then, he went on to detail everything about class that year, the people, teachers, activities and that his accident had happened during the following summer – he’d gone through a windshield in a head-on with a semi.
I delivered there a few more times, and hung out chatting with him as long as I could. It slowly became clear that the party crowd was just using him for his money. That was fucked up enough, but what I also eventually realized was that he was stuck in that last normal year he’d lived and, 20 years later, had moved back (IIRC, he’d moved away because his parents died or were severely injured in the accident) as soon as he was old enough to access the accident settlement. And the money was going up that crowd’s nose pretty fast.
I had no idea how to help him or even if he wanted help, and eventually started letting other drivers take that run. Never saw him again, even though it’s a small town.
Eventually he stopped ordering pizza and then I left for a job elsewhere, but would pass by his house when visiting while my parents still lived there. Fewer and fewer cars were parked out front every time I went by, and the house slowly became overgrown with ivy. Fucked up.”
“I drove to the customer’s house and saw that a guy was being handcuffed by the police in the front yard. I had no idea what to do so I drove around a neighboring block a few times. When I came back, the police and handcuffed guy were gone.
I didn’t know if he was the customer or not so I just walked up to the door and knocked. An old couple answered and took the pizza and paid and didn’t say anything about the arrest that happened on their lawn. It was in a city with extremely low crime rate as well so it was very strange to 17-year-old me.”