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Imagine walking into the emergency room and having to explain this kind of situation to a nurse or a doctor…
That would be totally humiliating.
But it happens. A lot. Probably way more than any of us realize.
Let’s check out these TRUE stories from AskReddit users.
1. I slipped.
“My mom told me about this one when she was doing rounds in the ER.
Guy came in with a bottle of Worcestershire up his butt. Said he was making a sandwich in the shower and slipped and fell on it.”
2. Honesty…
“I have the worst, but possibly the most honest response I’ve gotten.
I was an EMT and ran a call at a methadone clinic. She was a 28 year old female who had possibly OD’d. When we got there she was sitting on the ground completely naked.
My captain asked what was up her ass to which I responded quickly as “trashbag sir” For some reason there was a contractor bag jammed right up her anus. My captain ordered me to remove it and it felt like I was a magician pulling a bunch of napkins out of a dove, or whatever magicians do.
She looks at me without a word. Until I asked her why there was a trash bag up her ass, at which point she responded ” we didn’t have a condom”
This was my second week on the job.”
3. Disgusting!
“I once had to take a guy to the OR to remove a cucumber from his rectum since it had migrated up further than could be extracted manually.
I don’t remember his excuse, but it had been in there for more than a week and when we took it out it had started to pickle…”
4. Air freshener.
“20 years ago, an ex was an ER nurse. A guy came in with a Magic Mushroom air freshener stuck up in there. He was embarrassed, and did not even attempt to explain it.
She said that when the doctor got it out, he said “Funny. It doesn’t smell pine fresh?” And everybody laughed. I am kind of surprised that didn’t lead to a lawsuit.”
5. Wow…
“RN here.
Had a Jehovahs Witness gentleman admitted to ICU with his bowels perforated. States he had constipation so he decided he needed a cleaning. He happens to do pipework so he hooked some pipes up to the hose then inserted the other end in his rectum to just give it the ol’ swish and dump.
Burst his colon from the pressure and/or the hard pipe crammed up his butt. Unfortunate thing was he needed a blood transfusion but oops, he’s a Jehovahs Witness so no go. I learned then that they actually send a group of people to the hospital to watch you and make sure you don’t stray from your faith.
I always wondered what he told them….”
6. Lost count…
“I’ve lost count how many rectal foreign bodies I’ve removed.
But there was this one kid, well teenager. He got a AA battery stuck up his butt. Told his mom that he had been experiencing constipation and thought his butthole was just too small for the poop to get through, so he was trying to dilate it with the battery.
Umm… yeah… OK.
The kicker was that his mom completely bought this story, and she’s there telling me how this whole thing happened to her precious, innocent son.”
7. Happy holidays!
“A Christmas tree.
Not a doctor, my dads coworker had to have an artificial Christmas tree removed from his ass. Getting decorations off the attic, floor fell through, and he crashed through the ceiling and straight onto the Christmas tree.
He had to be airlifted to the hospital. They said the pressure from his jeans getting rammed up there when he fell is probably what saved him from bleeding out. No I don’t know how far it went up there and I don’t want to ask.”
8. It was still on!
“Friend of mine was doing an ED rotation as a medical student and they had a guy come in around 8pm saying he’d internalized something and couldn’t get it out.
They did the triage and asked him to sit down in the waiting area until a doctor was available. For the next few minutes there’s a really strange humming sound every now and then – which they eventually figured out was because the vibrator was still on.
Turns out usually people wait for the batteries to die before coming to hospital, but this fellow had to pick his wife up from the airport at midnight and didn’t have time to wait.”
9. Let’s get to the truth.
“One claimed that he was assaulted and the perp stuck up a dildo up his behind after the attack. He wouldn’t admitted foul play until we were going to call police.
The second one claimed that “he accidentally fell on this candle cup stand (the most common excuse used by these people).”
10. Attached.
“I was a student at the time working in the ER when medics brought in a couple “attached” to each other.
According to them, they were at a pool party when 1) the lights went out 2) as they were swimming around in the dark, they both felt something “crawl” up their asses…Anal beads. One end in the female, the other in the male.
My friend thinks the reason behind this story is because BOTH their significant others were in the waiting room…”
11. Wasn’t paying attention…
“Not a physician yet – still in medical school. On a shadowing rotation, a young woman came into the ER with a cucumber up her butt. When prompted why and how it got there, she responded with “I wasn’t paying attention while I was cooking”.
Her boyfriend had a different story…”
12. Don’t do drugs.
“Mom worked in admitting for the ER.
Guy came in with flashlight stuck.
She asked why he had done it and he said “well, I was on drugs and it seemed like a good idea. Sober me disagrees”.”
13. I’m not buying that…
“Just last week, my patient said she swallowed a toothbrush as a teen, 20 years ago, when asked about the toothbrush in her colon.”
Now it’s your turn!
Have you ever had to admit something totally embarrassing to a doctor?
Or maybe you are a health professional and have heard some real doozies in your life?
Tell us all about it in the comments!
