I don’t think any of us want to hear that a close friend or family member is sick with cancer. Most of us would go above and beyond to help them out with childcare, rides, meals, and the rest…but how much to too much to expect?
OP isn’t even friends with the cancer patient per se, but her fiancee is, and since his friend finished his treatment, her fiancee has been expecting OP to pick up the tab.
At dinner, at the electronics store, you name it – even though he’s never whipping out his own wallet.
Anonymous for privacy reasons,
Normally, I don’t share private business on social media but this time I’m gonna!
So, my f28 fiance Jack, m30 has a friend Steve, m33 who had cancer but is now doing better. He’s one of Jack’s closest friends and Jack was there for him all the way to the end of treatment. Steve started going out and socializing again which’s great!
Howeverrrr, Whenever we go out, Jack will expect me to pay for Steve’s meals or drinks using the excuse of “he had cancer, show some empathy”. We went to an electronics shop one time and Jack told me to pay for Steve’s purchases because “he’s had cancer”.
I sucked it up once and twice but then told him I couldn’t do it anymore. He emphasised on the fact that Steve had cancer and reminded me of how his financial status was affected and so “we” should help from time to time.
But funny how I’m always the one paying.
At a recent meal, her fiancee indicated that she should pay for the friend’s dinner. OP pretended not to notice, but when he pushed, asked if the two of them could speak alone.
Her fiancee refused, at which point OP just said the quiet part aloud and in front of the cancer patient before paying for her meal and leaving.
Yesterday, Jack and I were at a restaurant for lunch. Steve somehow showed up and sat with us. We ate lunch and chattered then before we left and as I was about to pay the bill. Jack gestured for me to pay for Steve’s meal too.
I played dumb and said “I’m sorry but why should I pay for his meal?” Jack obviously didn’t wanna say “because he had cancer and is struggling” out loud and infront of Steve so he asked me to step outside so we could talk. I refused and said that there was nothing to say, that Steve had cancer which was unfortunate and all that but that in no way makes him entitled to my money.
Steve looked stunned, he glanced at Jack and Jack was fuming. He told me to “just pay this time” but I only paid for our lunch then got up and made my way out. I heard him repeatedly apologizing to steve as I was walking out.
The fiancee thinks she’s the most terrible person alive. She suggested he should pay himself, but he countered with the fact that he doesn’t have a job, sooooo.
He’s saying he can’t come home until she makes this right, so now she’s wondering whether or not she wants him to come home at all.
Jack didn’t come home but left 4 nasty texts calling me unhinged, petty, selfish and short sighted as well as unsympathetic to what his friend went and is going through. I texted back that his friend’s unfortunate circumstances aren’t my responsibility nor are they my fault.
He said I’d lose nothing if I just paid for his lunch and that walking out on him was nasty beyond comprehension. I told him he could’ve paid for him if he felt so strongly about it. He responded by saying I was being willingly ignorant since I know he’s out of job as of now, and said that a small act of kindness could’ve gotten me a long way but I made it about myself, my money, and jeopardized his friendship for no reason.
He’s still mad saying he won’t speak to me til I make it up to him and Steve.
AITA for walking and refusing to pay?
What does Reddit say? They’re sounding off below!
The top comment says it’s simple, really.
Image Credit: Reddit
This person says she’s promised to marry a loser. Sorry not sorry.
Image Credit: Reddit
The part when she said she was paying for him, too.
Image Credit: Reddit
Because the fiancee should definitely have some kind of job.
Image Credit: Reddit
She might just need to take herself out of the situation.
Image Credit: Reddit
I definitely think that if she read this back like someone else wrote it, she would be clear on what direction to take.
What advice would you give her? Would you think that a friend with cancer deserved a free ride indefinitely? Let us know in the comments!
