Discipline is a hot-button topic among parents, caregivers, and child-development experts everywhere these days. Everyone has an opinion, everyone is sure that they’re right, and yes, there can sometimes be warfare in a Target as a result.
This old-school thinker has taken to Reddit to suggest that parents aren’t disciplining their kids at all, and decide instead to just blame any of their child’s issues on society at large, with mental illness as a backup.
Discipline has become such taboo, that parents will rather blame society and mental sickness than realize that they are at fault.
byu/JengaSauce268 inunpopularopinion
Is Reddit going to agree or put him in his place? Read on to find out!
15. It’s not supposed to be easy.
Thank you.
I’ve seen too much bulls*%t parenting first-hand to disagree with this.
You can shelter your kids all you want, but you need to realize that “growing up” should be a a process of someone gradually interacting with reality more and more, outside of their “shelters”, until they reach a point where they can understand it and deal with it and participate without further supervision.
However, we’ve become so back-a$$wards that all parents want to do is protect (if anything), and it creates these largely pathetic people who can’t really do anything on their own, always point fingers at others, and seem to have this mentality that “the world should react the way WE want it to”.
Life is hard, including parenting, and no amount of technology is going to change that.
14. Consequences work, too. If you follow through.
I agree with you, but I’d argue that the majority of of time, the reason parents don’t discipline their children is laziness.
I have kids. I just took my son’s tablet away for 3 days because he mouthed off (he’s 5). And, really, that punishes me too.
It’s going to be a pain in the ass when I have to do a ton of laundry tomorrow and when I drive my husband to the airport. I don’t throw them in front of a screen, don’t get me wrong, but he’s allowed to play roblox for an hour or two on Saturdays, especially since it’s ridiculously cold outside right now where I live. They play online with their cousins and friends on video chat.
This is further compounded by the fact that his sister isn’t punished from her tablet. So he’s going to have to sit and watch her play hers. With her cousins. While he can’t play.
This does not set-up an easy day as a parent. It punishes me too, because it sucks to see him upset. It sucks to see him jealous. And, frankly, it’s easier to just let him play a game when we’re stuck in the car or I’m busy with other household stuff.
We went through the same thing with his 6 year old sister about the same time last year. If you give firm consequences, it takes a few tries, but it sticks. They know I don’t bluff, and they know 1 warning (if that) and I follow through. They know I will not cave.
The amount of parents that give in, because they are busy with something else or they feel guilty, is astounding. I’ll admit it’s difficult not to cave when they’re actually sorry and behaving extra sweet later. All that teaches your kids is that they won’t have consequences. That isn’t how life works.
13. Kids are human beings, too.
I fail to see how OP’s example of washing a kids mouth out with soap is preparing them for reality/the adult world. If this happened to them as adults, I can’t imagine it wouldn’t end in an assault charge for the other person.
Why do we think its acceptable to do things to kids that would get us put in jail if we were to do them to adults?
12. Laziness is the real enemy.
My neighbour tries to do this with her daughters, but she but will give the tablet back for the easier life. She is really sweet, but her daughters have horrible attitudes and the younger one is very physically aggressive.
She asked me how come my son is so well behaved (he’s no angel, and he does sometimes answer back) I tried to explain to her that you have to follow through with consequences for bad behaviour. She can never seem to do it though.
I remember one incident a few summers ago when her daughter was being utterly vile to her. I was shocked it was coming from a 5 year old. “I hate you, you’re ugly. You’re an awful Mum” They were meant to be having take away pizza that night. I told her if my son was talking to me like that, I’d have told him no pizza for him.
She said she couldn’t be arsed to cook. Gave up giving her parenting advice when she asked for it.
11. Big agreement, here.
I think you nailed this perfectly! One of the most insightful posts I’ve seen in this sub for sure.
I truly believe this is one of the biggest factors in our incredibly narcissistic, thin skinned, instant gratification modern society.
10. You can’t be the “fun” parent.
Parents today are more concerned with being their kids friend than being their parents. Newsflash, there’s millions of people out there that can be your kid’s friend, but only you can be their parent and your kid needs parenting way more than he needs friendship.
If you are stern parent who disciplines their kids, they might hate you while they are under your authority, but one day they will come back and thank you for stopping them from so many stupid mistakes.
But when you are the fun parent who just wants to be friends with your kids, they might love you while they are under your authority, but one day they will come back and ask you why the f**k didn’t you prepare them for the real world?
9. A brief history lesson.
I think it’s just an extension of the age-old “this current generation sucks” that’s so worn-out and tired that we’ve literally translated hieroglyphs that say it. Discipline isn’t taboo, out interpretation of it has changed a lot, though.
Children being afraid of self-agency is a hallmark a dying age, and apparently a warm fuzzy memory “shared” by a disturbing number of people who never lived through it.
8. Your kids will appreciate it…eventually.
I lived with my grandparents for 4 years. Age 19-23. My grandmother and grandfather gave me a curfew, I had work around the house, and there were consequences.
We loved each other, but we’re at each other’s throats for a long time, until I moved away, and had my own step kids, I understood. Honestly, they are now my best friends, and when we get together we laugh at our fights, my grandparents love pulling out my faults in front of my gf, but never in a bad way. In a way that they send me to hell, and I send them back and we laugh.
If I don’t call them after 3 days, I get an angry call of are you to lazy??? But that rarely happens, honestly I can’t go 2 days without talking with them. I call my grandma just to ask what she’s cooking, my gramps calls just to ask what I’m gonna drink on Friday. It’s honestly amazing. And the even after everything, how angry I was with them, they with me, I’ve realized that without what they taught me I would’ve been in a ditch a long time ago.
I didn’t realize it during that time when we lived together, and no child will, but once you leave then you see it. That’s the moment when your best friend really becomes your parent
7. There shouldn’t be a power imbalance.
Discipline is being taught to value.
We don’t use bad language because words have power and consequences.
Sticking a bar of soap in someones mouth, is just sticking a bar in someone’s mouth. It teaches bad language is wrong, but doesn’t teach why it’s wrong.
Arguably sticking a bar of soap in a kids mouth doesnt instill any discipline, whereas explaining the power of language and making them apologise and reflect on their behaviour would. The former is just a lazy form of control.
6. There has to be a middle ground.
There’s a middle ground to all of this. I was barely parented in the sense these people are coming from. I was allowed to mess up royally and I made my own mistakes.
I’m also doing well in life, with high goals that I’m reaching, and I don’t regret things I’ve done and my parents don’t regret raising me this way. I can see how that approach appears lazy to some people but it very much requires a lot of work that not all of them are doing.
Also the “if I’m my kids best friend it won’t work out so I disciplined xyz way and I can be their best friend later” thing often doesn’t work either. Idk what they’re thinking of but I basically had no rules besides honesty and a 16 year old girl is a 16 year old girl.
I hated them for years too even with that approach 😂and I don’t blame them for my faults now because my faults as a 25 year old are not related. I do however have a relationship with them that is more complete and developed than anyone my age that I know has with their parents.
The only negative outcome that came of it is that I should maybe take parenting classes in the if this style doesn’t work with my kids and you can tell that before they’re 5, but only if you start with this approach. More strict to hands off won’t work.
With topics like this I think a lot of it is just feeling validated. Everyone wants to think they’re doing things right, fine, but don’t assume things that you don’t know to be true and that is truly a case by case basis.
Hands off parenting wasn’t lazy for my parents. It requires a lot and they were very good at raising me. And we have a phenomenal relationship when apparently I’m supposed to resent them or something. Idk man.
People should just raise their kids the best they know how and not make assumptions about other parents.
5. Sometimes it really is medical, though?
Finally, a golden unpopular opinion.
This is so true, but parents will sooner blame gluten intolerance for their kids bad behavior than actually discipline them.
4. There can be other factors at play.
I agree with this.. However I was diagnosed and treated for ADHD as a kid, and it is REAL! For me at least, taking my meds makes a world of difference and I think I would be much less successful now if I wasn’t medicated.
3. Spoiled isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.
The thing I’ve always wanted least is to be “spoiled”. I’ve heard parents use the word in a positive context, and it irks me. Being spoiled means that I am incapable of any joy because my standard has been raised so high that all deviations from it are painful.
I am ever grateful for my hardships and work because they restore the value to the little things.
2. We all make mistakes.
I agree. It’s just that people might wish their parents would admit their mistakes more. I agree they shouldn’t cater to their children but they should respect their boundaries too.
1. A different perspective.
I think the biggest problem with parenting in modern times in the usa (i’m not totally sure what it’s like elsewhere) is that 1people don’t spend enough time with their children and that 2children need more playtime.
I know it’s difficult between work and chores for parents, but infants and toddlers too often spend too much time in daycares, imo, and then go home and are still barely held and interacted with b/c parents are exhausted. So while we have improved parenting somewhat from say, 100 years ago, when lack of healthcare and tech and plumbing killed people off, or from when childhood was virtually nonexistent and many children were doing manual labor, there’s still a ton of room for improvement.
I just mean that attachment in infancy and early childhood is important but I don’t think most children these days are getting that properly. Infants should be spoiled with being held, then as toddlers can start going to time out or whatever, but I believe if you play with your children enough and encourage them to have hobbies as they get older, and have reasonable expectations, then you won’t need to punish them much at all. The better parent you are in the beginning, makes everything that much easier as they age.
As for school aged children, they are just not getting enough playtime at all. Again, I know it’s hard for busy parents and teachers have far too many demands on themselves, but I’ve always believed education should be done through art, music, games and activities. That barely happens and instead children sit at desks all day doing work sheets and recess times have been dwindling to boot.
So we replaced 10 year olds working on farms and in factories to them all becoming little lawyers and accountants sitting at desks their entire lives. As if that makes sense. This probably sounds too idealistic but I don’t care.
This is too hot a topic for my comments, y’all.
I’ll just say this: you do you, as long as what’s best for your family isn’t hurting them or someone else.
Peace.
