Do you have any friends or family members who have insanely high standards when it comes to finding a significant other?
We all do!
But can we tell them the truth about how we feel?
That’s the tough part…
And this guy wants to know if he’s an a**hole for what he said to his friend about this.
Read on and see what you think…
AITA for telling my friend his physical standards are why he’s single?
“I (22M) have a friend (22M) who has never had a girlfriend or romantic experience. Now, let me say that I actually really like him as a person and think he has positive qualities.
He has a solid job making $180k with a company car as a surgical device sales rep (at 22!) after graduating magna cum laude. He is generally affable and easy to talk to. If his standards were just educated and good person I would totally support it as I think that’s reasonable. However, physically, and I know I’m being brutal here, he is not a catch.
He already has a significantly receded hairline, his face is quite frankly below average, he’s of below average height and he’s not in amazing shape. I believe he has a distorted view because his parents constantly told him he was very handsome and could get any girl. As a result, he is exclusively interested in women who are not just successful, but also are exceptionally gorgeous.
A woman, who said she just graduated from an Ivy League school and was a tech sales rep, was flirting with him at the bar. Though she was nice and clearly quite intelligent, and again I know I’m being brutal here, she was not very attractive.
When she asked for his number, he politely declined. I asked him what was wrong and he said “I mean she seems like a nice person but she’s definitely not in my league”. I bit my tongue. The next week, he came to me upset and told me that a woman that he had a cooking class with rejected him. Suspecting the reason why, I asked him to show me a picture of her from her social media. Sure enough, she was insanely attractive and in marketing at a big company. I just tried to sympathize.
Later, I thought long and hard about it. On the one hand, I didn’t want to be mean. But on the other, this has been occurring since freshman year of high school. He is now the last person in the friend group to be single and completely missed out on dating in high school and college.
Say what you will, but I think that romance is important for the vast majority of people, and I also think physical attraction is a foundational aspect of relationships unless you’re both ace. He could easily be in a relationship if he got over his obsession with beauty.
So after rehearsing what I wanted to say, I decided to sit him down and I told him “I’m going to be honest with you man, I think you should lower your physical standards. You would have way more options”.
He protested and said that his standards were reasonable because he’s a good looking guy. I said “I h**e to say it, but your approach of only going after beautiful and successful women has not worked out. Feel free to shoot your shot but I think you should also consider women that are nice/smart but less physically attractive”. I recommended he go to therapy about this. He got angry and has been giving me the cold shoulder ever since (8 days).
Check out what Reddit users had to say about this.
One reader said he’s NTA and his friend will either learn…or he won’t…
And this individual said he’s NTA but this conversation wasn’t necessary.
And another Reddit user offered up some advice from a woman’s perspective…
What do you think about what happened?
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