Someone is calling people and pretending to be one of our sergeants and demanding bitcoin. First of all, no, second of all, just call him whatever names and profanities you want, then hang up. It’s not from us, pinky promise.

— Lawrence Police (@LawrenceKS_PD) January 28, 2019

(•_•)
<) )╯Birthday
/

(•_•)
( (> Suits
/

(•_•)
<) )> Aren't
/

(•_•)
<) )╯Costumes
/

— Lawrence Police (@LawrenceKS_PD) October 31, 2019

🎶all I want for Christmas iiiiissss yoooouuuuu🎶

… to not criminal tomorrow so we can eat food and watch Christmas movies in the briefing room.

— Lawrence Police (@LawrenceKS_PD) December 24, 2019

Got a little twitter dot com science lesson for you. Tomorrow, it's gonna rain. All day. Then at night, it's gonna get cold. Real cold. So, moisture on pavement goes from a "liquid" state, to a "slippy icy oh crap i tapped the brakes and now my car is sliding" state.

— Lawrence Police (@LawrenceKS_PD) January 10, 2020

Protecting your family name outside a bar at 1:45 a.m. feels really important at the time, but is actually much less important when you wake up hungover the next morning with a battery citation. https://t.co/gOjzI1k0s4

— Lawrence Police (@LawrenceKS_PD) August 22, 2019

Things cheaper than a DUI:
-Hiring a stretch Hummer
-an Uber to Burrito King, around the city, then 🏠
-a Lyft to Taco 🔔 , buying something for everyone in your complex, and tipping the driver $50
-buying a round of shots for everyone @ the bar, then walking home#DriveSober

— Lawrence Police (@LawrenceKS_PD) January 1, 2020

Yes, we know your dad is a lawyer. No, we literally don’t care. https://t.co/gOjzI1k0s4

— Lawrence Police (@LawrenceKS_PD) August 22, 2019

This feels like an appropriate time of year to remind our followers (again) that if you sell weed out of your apartment, you're gonna get robbed at gunpoint. When you call 911, just say they stole your weed, don't lie and vacuum the coffee table. It complicates the investigation.

— Lawrence Police (@LawrenceKS_PD) April 17, 2018

1985: "By 2020 we'll have flying cars, be able to time travel, and have floating hover boards."

2020: "Please don't crime. Also, please kindly wash your hands after you pee, poop, or cough to avoid spreading death."

— Lawrence Police (@LawrenceKS_PD) March 18, 2020

It's good to stay home during a pandemic. It's good to socially distance. It's good to laugh, because we can't be holed up for weeks and not laugh. Laugh at us if you want. Call us pigs, laugh at our tweets, whatever. But for the love of all that is holy, wash your freakin hands

— Lawrence Police (@LawrenceKS_PD) March 18, 2020

Do you really need 12 pounds of ground beef? You having some kind of community taco bar? That violates social distancing standards and health laws on food safety. Just get one or two pounds.

— Lawrence Police (@LawrenceKS_PD) March 12, 2020

It’s so windy outside that drug dealers were having trouble getting their meth into the little baggie, ice blowing in every direction. We can assist you! Call dispatch and we can bring our wind blocking evidence bags. We’ll even weigh it and test for purity for you!

— Lawrence Police (@LawrenceKS_PD) January 29, 2019

If you are going to yell “f%$* the police” at us, at least be smart enough to not be breaking the law when you call for our attention. 🤦‍♀️

— Lawrence Police (@LawrenceKS_PD) January 24, 2019