If You Co-Habitate, Does Everyone Clean Their Own Toilet?

There’s no secret that relationships are tough, and when you live together, they can often be more complicated than ever.

There’s also no secret that one person usually ends up doing one set of chores while the other person (hopefully) does a separate but equal set – but what if there are extenuating circumstances?

That’s what this woman is asking after she cleaned a bathroom, went out to dinner with her husband, and then entered that same bathroom later to find it the victim of whatever didn’t agree with her husband’s bowels.

I’m writing this because I’m standing my ground based on principle but not sure I’m totally right. So my husband and I have separate chores that we’ve taken on in our relationship and part of mine has always been cleaning the bathrooms. He’s never picked up a toilet brush in his life, and I’m usually perfectly fine with doing my part.

I cleaned it before we left for dinner tonight and all was well. After dinner, something didn’t agree with him and he spent a good 30 minutes in the bathroom (although I could hear him in there playing on his phone for a while). Later, when I went to use it myself, I found that it was destroyed in a way I’m struggling to describe. Dried crap was splattered all over the bowel, all over the bottom of the seat, it was BAD, like I actually gagged.

And I had just cleaned it before we left, so I was especially pissed that he’d made no effort to correct the situation.

She confronted her husband about the mess and said that he needed to clean it up, at which point he shouted a bunch of terribly insulting things her direction and basically said it’s her job to clean the bathroom, no matter its condition.

When I told him I was grossed out, he pretended that he didn’t know he’d left it that way, which didn’t make sense because he has eyes. I said that he needs to clean it, no way am I doing it, especially since I’d just done it hours before.

He said so what I’d just done it, that bathroom is my job. He then said that he’d just bought me dinner, and me refusing to clean up his mess made me ungrateful (although he’s just come back from a 3 week vacation and I took care of our two kids by myself and the dinner was supposed to be a thank you for that). Things escalated and ended by him shouting “if you don’t clean it that will show me who you really are” and I don’t even know what that means.

All I know is I feel like if the situation were reversed, I wouldn’t have left such a mess for him and told him it’s his problem to deal with.

At first, she just wants to know if she’s overreacting because, you know, it’s gross.

So AITA for not doing a chore I would normally do because of this specific situation?

I acknowledge the this is normally my job, but I feel like this is NOT a normal situation!

But an edit suggests these comments really have her thinking about her relationships as a whole and what sort of person she married.

EDIT: so after reading all the comments and thinking over my husband’s patterns of behavior, I have a bigger problem than just a nuclear explosion in the toilet. This is the same man who wanted me to make sure me and the kids didn’t get Covid because it would ruin his 3 week trip (not because we could like, DIE, or anything).

The same person when he saw me clearly grieving over the loss of a dear friend to covid, called it a buzzkill because I wasn’t in the mood for sex. AND the kicker was when he called my dear friend a moron for not getting vaccinated and therefore kind of deserved what he got (my friend left behind 4 little girls who I guess don’t deserve a dad?).

All this is just a month’s worth of incidents where I’m slowly starting to wake up to the fact that’s he not really a good person. it’s gotten progressively worse in the last month and I’m really not sure who I married anymore.

This morning the first thing he said to me when he got up (at noon) was “So are you finally ready to apologize for your behavior last night?” No, but I am ready to move myself into the guest room (which is close to the toilet that is still usable).

There’s some changes coming and I can’t believe I didn’t see this relationship for what it was until a bunch of strangers told me what was up. THANK YOU TO EVERYONE- this doormat has grown a backbone!

What did Redditors say to convince her that she deserves way better than what she’s getting?

Let’s find out!

This person pointed out that yes, any day is a good day to start standing up for yourself.