Relationships are tough, whether they’re platonic, familial, or romantic, and tensions are always heightened when the people in them are sharing living space.
Finding a good roommate is really tough, but this OP and his have been living together for some time without any trouble at all. He was there for OP during a tough breakup with a girlfriend he says was emotionally manipulative and super hard to get over.
I (23M) live with my roommate (21M) and we get along great, hardly ever an argument. About a year ago, I broke up with my ex (20F) because i had finally caught her cheating on me. We had a year long relationship, full of emotional and mental abuse from her.
It took a lot of courage to finally accept she isn’t the one, and to break off all communication. I really loved her, but i have finally let her go and moved on. My roommate was a huge help in supporting me to get over her.
Some time afterward, OP found out that his roommate and his ex were seeing each other.
He was obviously worried about how things might go when she came over, but decided (against his better judgment) to give her a chance.
About a month ago it came to my attention that my roommate was texting my ex as friends. This didn’t bother me, because it really doesn’t have anything to do with me. Had i not seen the texts, i never would’ve known. Within the last week or so it has come to my attention that they are looking for a relationship together. This in itself doesn’t bother me, as they are both adults and i have no place in this decision.
The part that bothers me is the fact she would be coming to our house regularly to hang out with him and spend the night. My roommate knows i spent a year being mentally taken advantage of and cheated on, and another six months to finally get over it and become mentally healthy again. I was depressed for so long thinking about her.
Still, i decided to see how things would go.
She blew that out of the water when she went right back to treating him poorly the first time she came by, and the roommate did nothing to reprimand her behavior.
She came by the other day, and it was as awkward and hostile as i could expect. She was asking demeaning questions and saying rude comments like “i see your room is still a shithole,” and “it’s really taking you this long to find a new girlfriend? when are you going to get over me,” and “i’m sure your roommate will be much better.”
Of course these are things i can ignore, however i don’t think i should have to put up with that. I could barely handle the hour she was here, let alone the foreseeable future.
My roommate never spoke up against her, despite her rude comments. He knows what she did to me and what she’s now doing, but for lack of a better term, he’s pu**ywhipped in my opinion.
OP laid down the law, saying that he didn’t care if they dated but that she would not be allowed in his house.
They argued and the roommate said he must be jealous, and even though OP stood his ground, he’s wondering if he’s being too harsh about it all.
I had a talk with him yesterday and told him he can either move out and have a relationship with my ex, or he can stay here and promise to never bring her into the house. I told him that since i am the sole homeowner, he needs to respect my rules, and while i hate to limit his stay here, i do not trust her in my home, and i won’t put up with her mind games.
He told me it’s just because i’m jealous, and now there’s a rift that i can’t say we have ever had before. I made it clear he’s more than allowed to have a relationship with her, she is simply not allowed in my home.
Reddit…has some thoughts on the matter. Let’s hear them!
Seriously this girl must have a siren’s call or something.
Several people suggested that the girlfriend might be dating the roommate just to bother OP.
They even thought OP could set her up to see, if he wanted.
But most agreed that OP had already had enough drama in his life.
He really doesn’t seem like the greatest friend.
Poor OP has to deal with this type of ex, and now his roommate, who he considers a good friend, pulls this. Woof.
What would your reaction have been in his shoes? Tell us in the comments!