Is It Wrong to Tell a Friend That You Don't Care if She Likes How You Look?

I often say that one of the best days of my life was the one when I truly stopped caring what other people think – and while that’s true, I do think that some people’s opinions matter.

If you trust someone and their thoughts on certain matters, then of course, you might care what they think about a certain topic. Everyone else, though, can suck it.

This woman is wondering whether or not she was wrong to tell a friend she didn’t care about her opinion on clothes, though, and the backstory is that her friend and roommate is super into the body positivity movement – to the point where she’s not afraid to police where her friends go to the doctor or buy their clothes.

I (24f) live with 2 other women Claire (23f), and Joan (24f).

Joan spent most of last week helping her boyfriend find and move into a new flat, so we haven’t seen much of her.

Joan is a bigger girl (a UK 22) and is very into the body positivity movement, in particular the health at any size movement but to a dangerous and quite toxic degree (ie she recently complained about discrimination to our GP practice after a nurse told her she couldn’t have the combined pill due to her weight).

One if her major bugbears is when brands only sell straight sizes (6 to 16/18) it is her opinion that if brands don’t sell a larger size range that they should be boycotted, and anyone who buys from them is approving of their size exclusivity.

While that roommate was out of town, OP and her other roommate bought cute sundresses from an “unapproved” retailer – someone who doesn’t sell plus sizes – and planned to wear them for an at-home tea that might lift their spirits.

Earlier this week to cheer ourselves up Claire and I each ordered a dress sundress from House of CB, living in Britain in March that may seem a bit hopeful but they are pretty and a girl can dream of summer!

They arrived Friday night, and Claire and I decided that on Sunday we’d have afternoon tea and wear them (it would also act as a distraction from the fact it was mother’s day and we couldn’t be with our mums). We text Joan to see if she wanted to join but she declined.

Then the third roommate came home, asked about the dresses, and then began shaming the other girls for supporting that retailer.

Joan came home during the tea, and all was fine at first she had a scone and chatted away until she asked about the dresses, we told her they were House of CB and she looked them up, then she said “why the f*ck are you guys supporting somewhere like this?”, we said “what?”, and she started ranting about the sizing (XXS to L+, UK 4/6, to 14/16).

OP told her in no uncertain terms that she didn’t care whether or not the roommate approved of her dress, and that the last thing anyone needed during a pandemic was more people trying to steal their joy.

Which… I definitely agree with.

I told her to calm down, and that the dresses are pretty, she told us that she was appalled at us wearing them, then started ranting.

I stopped her and said that her opinion on clothes sizing does not affect me and should not affect if Claire and I are trying to find some happiness in these times, that we should be allowed to shop wherever we want and that she needs to stop obsessing over it.

The roommate stormed off and declared she wasn’t speaking to the other girls unless they returned the dresses, leaving OP to wonder whether or not she was an a$shole for stating her opinion.

Joan then stormed off to her room, and is still refusing to speak to either of us.

Only texting us once to say “I’m only talking to you if you send those dresses back and apologise”.

Are we the a**holes here?

I know weight and clothing is a sensitive topic, and I know that she has a thing about it, but I don’t see why that should affect what Claire and I are allowed to buy and wear, however I am aware I was a few cocktails in so could have been a bit more sensitive about it myself.

I’m only really questioning it as her reaction is so extreme.

So, was the roommate’s reaction extreme?

Reddit, of course, is weighing in.

This person pointed out that you’re allowed to have your own moral guidelines when shopping, but to try to force them on other people is gross.