There are some things that are natural family packs – fried chicken, for instance, or vacations or flights or, heck, even matching Chuck Taylors. But the 15 things below take on a should never, ever be offered to the entire family at once.

#15. Same, but with my sister.

“I once got offered a family deal when walking through the red light district in Amsterdam with my dad so I’d probably say that.

Edit: I should probably state that we were walking through because it was the shortest route.”

#14. Sadface.

“Cigarettes.”

#13. But I would take a pack that contained all of that.

“Tampons, hemorrhoid cream, dildos, plan b pills, banana hammocks, lube, and herpes medication.”

#12. Way too soon.

“Guns for back to school.”

#11. It never hurts to have some around.

“The morning after pill.”

#10. I mean, there’s a good chance they all need it because genetics.

“Breast augmentation surgery.”

#9. *snicker*

“Condoms? It’s just a normal pack, but with holes in it.”

#8. Probably not the best prize.

“I told our promotions director at the time that a “Family Four Pack of Chippendales Tickets” was probably not the best prize for middays on a CHR station in the bible belt.

Gave them away as pairs instead cuz there’s still fun to be had there…just not with the whole family. Unless you took Grandma. Then it levels up.”

#7. In that order.

“Enemas.

Douche.

In that order.”

#6. Snack size.

“Tide Pods, although this joke works better as “Snack Size”.”

#5. Everyone needs one, though.

“Coffins.”

#4. Hey, Ma!

“Porn subscription. yelled from across the house “HEY, MA, WHATS THE PASSWORD TO THE FAMILY PORN ACCOUNT AGAIN?”

#3. Wait until…

“Assisted Suicide. Wait until an asteroid is about to collide into Earth and you’ll have droves of families willing to kill themselves peacefully. There will also always be people looking for a quick buck.”

#2. I’m pretty sure there’s a Groupon for that.

“bypass surgery.”

#1. I have questions.

“Waterboarding.”

I think these were worth it for the mental images alone!