To all the parents out there: you know at some point your kids are eventually going to ask you some particularly uncomfortable questions (if they haven’t already).
They might be about sex, bodies in general, death, or any number of other random things that are literally impossible to anticipate (children are nuts).
These AskReddit users recounted the questions kids asked them that they never saw coming. Hopefully they’ll help you prepare…
1. Uh oh…
“My nephew running in explaining that he just saw pictures and was wondering why a women is playing with a screwdriver when she is naked.
Found my dads porn mags he was selling in the shop downstairs.”
2. Well, honey…
“Driving my daughter home from elementary school:
“Hey Mom, what’s a blow job?” “
“Kid I babysat who had a breastfeeding infant brother – If you don’t have a baby why do you have boobs?
Wasn’t that strange but it did stick with me.”
4. Now I’m creeped out
“Who is that?” While pointing at an empty hallway.”
“My 8 year old daughter asked me why daddy had 2 girlfriends and they would take turns sleeping over in his bed but she wasn’t allowed to talk to the girls about each other. (Me and her father have been divorced for 7 years but still remain close for her. ) I just kinda starred at her for a moment and said daddy has a lot of friends… the most awkward 30 seconds ever”
6. Tough questions
“I had to explain to my girls why mom decided to go move in with their former principal… so many awkward questions. Does mommy love him? Does mommy love you? Do you love mommy?”
7. This might take a while
“My friends 4 year olds first time at the zoo he asked ‘where are the dinosaurs’. She was like fuck he’s only seen them in books just like tigers and stuff and hadn’t thought about how to explain extinction. Cue a very traumatised 4 year old learning every dinosaur he loved was dead. Which lead to ‘WHAT DOES DEAD MEAN?’”
8. Couldn’t wait
“When my son was about 4, I was awoken at around 3 am by tiny fingers prying my eyelids open to inquire, “Mommy, do cats have jobs?”
“My then-4 year old son asking, “Do girls pee from their butt?” After explaining that girls pee from their private part and not their butt, he gets the most disgusted look on his face and says “Oh…you mean where the hair is?” Was. Not. Prepared.”
10. Good question
“My daughter (age 6) just asked me tonight why parents get to choose kids’ names and not the kids themselves.”
11. Where is it?
“My four year old walked in on me in the bathroom and went, “Mama, where’s your penis!?”
I told him I don’t have one and I think I broke his brain for a minute.”
12. Names of things
“7 y/o nephew: “Hey mommy, what is a girl’s penis called?”
Sister in law: “it’s different than a penis, but it’s called a vagina.”
5 y/o nephew: “‘Vagina’? I like the sound of that!” “
13. Wow, this is kind of dark
“My 17-year-old asked, “Did you ever think about aborting me when you found out you were pregnant?”
I said, “Yeah, I did. But it was too expensive so I couldn’t. You were the abortion that got away.”
I know it sounds harsh but we have a warped sense of humor in this house. Both she and her sister started laughing hysterically at my response.
Little did they know I was telling the truth.”
14. Yes I do
“Once, when my daughter was in the throes of potty training, saw a man 30 feet up on a light pole (he was a utility worker) by our house. She walked up to the bottom of the light pole and called up to him.
He looked down and said something like “Hi there little girl.”
And she said, “Hey, do you go peepee in the potty?”
He said, “Yes, yes I do.” “
15. Deeeeeeep thoughts
“Dad, how would the policeman feel if the horse licked him? Would the horse go to prison?”