Relationships are tough. They are a lot of work and when you’re in one, you go through many phases and emotions. In short, it’s a bit like a roller coaster ride but with your emotions and very slow.
And sometimes, you fall out of love with someone but you stay with them anyway.
Folks on AskReddit shared their stories about why they stuck with people even though they weren’t in love with them anymore.
1. So I stay…
“I honestly don’t know. Because it’s been more than 25 years and it’s just easier to live as roommates than to go my own way, even though in a lot of ways that would be easier.
Additionally, she would be royally fucked in so many ways. No real income, no place to really go. She wouldn’t be able to afford a nice place. I’d be perfectly fine but she’d be in a world of hurt. I don’t necessarily love her but I don’t hate her enough to do that to her.
So I stay.”
2. Sounds like a disaster.
“She had me convinced everything was either normal or my fault. Then she cheated and is playing the victim because I read some of her messages after I found out she lied. Now it takes a year to divorce where I live so technically still married for a year… Anyone reading this for personal reasons…Just get out.”
3. We don’t mesh.
“We have a special needs daughter, who doesn’t talk. Until she’s able to tell me that something happened and she can understand more complex ideas and situations, there’s no way I’m putting her in someone else’s hands.
My husband and I just don’t mesh, he doesn’t like me and I don’t like him. For the most part we can get along and even have fun doing things together with our daughter. But we haven’t been intimate in years. We’re both in our late 30’s. And we reasonably don’t have family to help.
Although once she starts going to school full time, I believe I will have more options to do something financially productive with my time.”
4. Manipulation.
“I’m thankfully not in this relationship anymore, but out of fear that he’d do something to hurt himself. He threatened to do it when I first brought up that I wasn’t happy in the relationship, and he became incredibly manipulative.”
5. Feeling guilty.
“I was the one super in love. I don’t think he was. Once every 4 or 5 months, we’d have some sort of discussion. The last time, it was that he didn’t know if what we had was love. I should have seen that as a warning. But I convinced him to stay with me after an hour discussion.
I think he felt guilty. I stayed with him through suicide attempts, drug induced psychosis, and moved countries for him. I imagine he felt an incredible amount of guilt, and stayed with me because of that. I think he cared for my well being maybe. But he wasn’t in love. And it’s painfully obvious now that I’m out of the relationship.”
6. Together they’ll stay…
“My brother can’t stand his wife, hasn’t really been in love with her since about a year before their wedding. He talks about divorce to me when we’re alone but he’ll never do it. He thinks he’ll never meet anyone else being 32 with no social life. Plus there’s a strong possibility she might kill herself if they broke up, or at least attempt it. So together they’ll stay. I just hope they don’t bring kids in to it.”
7. Terrified to leave.
“I was in a pretty bad relationship when I was younger. I stayed because I thought nobody else would love me. He was incredibly abusive and would remind all the time that if I left nobody would ever care about me or love me like he does.
I was just so terrified to leave, what if he was right? It’s been almost ten years since that relationship and I’m happy to report that he was wrong, although it’s taken a lot of work to realize that and I still have fleeting moments of doubt.”
8. Building a life together…even if it’s ugly.
“Years back I was in a relationship with a woman who abused me physically, sexually and otherwise. And I did not love her, not for the last year or so when the abuse got bad. So why did I stay if it was so bad?
Well, unfortunately—and this is true for abusive relationship as well as for mundane loveless relationships—people get wound up together and then it becomes very difficult to imagine your life without them, even if it’s not a good life. I guess people are better at surviving the current hardship than breaking away into the unknown. There’s a lot more to my story, and everyone story has its own details.
But I think that’s the basic answer. You build a life with someone, it gets hard to throw that life away.”
9. Mutually beneficial.
“Neither of us experience attraction but we still care deeply for each other. He’s my best friend!
Also the marriage was mutually beneficial.”
10. Jackpot! Maybe not…
“In my first relationship I thought I had scored the jackpot. I was young and he was young and jacked and smart. He over glorified himself and I just couldn’t see that. I looked up to him as a god, mainly because he kept saying I was bad at my studies and cooking and basically everything that I love to do.
I thought I would never get someone better so thus I stayed. I thought I loved him, I thought that was what love was, but I was just proud that I had gotten someone “so amazing.” I was stupid.”
11. Makes sense.
“I loved her dog.”
12. Fear and loathing.
“I’m no longer with them. But was with her for 8 years. I never loved her but stayed because of a combination of self loathing and she relied on me for everything so I was afraid of what would happen if I left.
Also financially I couldn’t live on my own. But I bit the bullet anyway because I can figure out the rest and staying with her was only stunting her ability to learn how to be an adult.”
13. Finally came to your senses.
“I was afraid he’d kill himself because he was so depressed so I waited till he was a bit better mentally.
The second was more of a roller-coaster. I waited 5 months before breaking up because so many things came up. I didn’t want him to think I was obsessed with the number 3 so I couldn’t break up after 3 months. Then it was summer break so I couldn’t see him and i wanted to do it in person. Then his birthday. Then Christmas! I finally broke up in Jan….. And then get back in April because I genuinely fell for him again. We lasted 3 years before I realized I was the only one putting any effort into staying in the relationship and finally broke it off for good.”
14. Ready to be single…
“I love but I’m not in love with my girlfriend anymore. We moved in together too soon. I knew better and did it anyway.
We are completely incompatible living together I’m angry everyday at tons of stuff. But I’m not gonna throw her out cause I do care so I’m helping her save to get her own place and we are playing couple in the interim but I am so ready to live alone and be single again.”
15. Taking care of her.
“She’d probably be homeless. I’ve been trying to help her become more independent and responsible so I can find a clean exit strategy. Interestingly if she had those qualities maybe there would still be some attraction. No one wants an adult child to take care of.”
