15 People Share the Worst Excuses They’ve Heard for Cheating

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Cheaters are everywhere, or at least it seems that way from all the stories we hear on a seemingly constant basis.

In this AskReddit article, people share the worst cheating excuses they’ve ever heard from a significant other.

1. Great answer

“Well, I gave her a ride home and she didn’t have cash, what else was I supposed to do?”

2. Husband of the year

“My wife was pregnant, so I wasn’t getting any.”

3. That is whack

“Ex girlfriend cheated when I fell asleep. . . said “since I wasn’t responding, she assumed I was doing the same, so she cheated.” Whack.”

4. That ain’t gonna cut it

“I didn’t even enjoy it because I was thinking about you the whole time and I felt terrible.”

5. Why thank you!

“I’m just on tinder to confirm that there’s nothing better out there. It helps me appreciate you more.”

6. No you don’t

“College roommate would cheat on his girlfriend a few times a semester, then feel awful about it and realize how much he loved his girlfriend.

He started to rationalize that “you need to cheat to stay faithful.”

7. Blame Pop Tarts

“A friend in college cheated on his girlfriend because she told him he had to stop eating pop tarts to lose weight, and he didn’t know how to break up with her. When she found out, he straight up told her to her face he couldn’t give up pop tarts. I wish that was a lie, those things are high as hell in calories. “

8. Fortune teller said so

“My buddy’s dad was diagnosed with Colon cancer. He starts going to chemo and his wife starts going out with some other guy. His sister found out his mom was cheating on his dad so she told my buddy and he sat his dad down and talked to him.

Dad confronts cheating mom and she says (paraphrasing) “my fortune teller told me that the best way to get over your death would be to start something new with someone else.”

Now mind you, his dad is not dead, or really even close. The cancer is responding well to chemo, and he’s been slowly getting better. She literally tried justifying cheating on him because he might die….

She no longer lives in the house, and she, best to my knowledge, has been excommunicated from the family.”

9. That damn eclipse

“My ex was very into astrology. She cheated and later blamed the great American eclipse of August 2017.”

10. All cleared up

“It’s not like it meant anything.” Oh good, glad we cleared that up.”

11. Career move

“My ex: “he (her boss, married with 3 kids) offered me a (higher) position in the new company he was going to work at.” “

12. Nearly dead

“Bestie was in the hospital having emergency surgery. Her family told her then-bf Sam, he never responded or showed. Cheated on her with a hoe from high school, claiming “Well she didn’t answer for 2 days!!” Yeah because she was nearly dead, f*ck you Sam.”

13. Okay…

“A dick has no conscience.”

14. Human nature

“When they get caught, they try to play the “humans aren’t meant to be monogamous” card. I’m like “if you don’t believe in monogamy, why did you even marry in the first place only to cheat later? You could join a free love hippies commune at any time. But that’s not what you did.” “

15. That’s a new one

“You weren’t around and she reminded me of you so you should feel flattered.”