The late, great George Carlin once said, “Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.”
That’s kind of frightening, but it does make for comedy gold, right? Damn right!
Let’s simultaneously laugh and shake our heads at how dumb our fellow humans can be.
Here are some true stories from AskReddit users.
1. Oh, boy…
“Customers arguing that their tattoo is backwards while their artist tries to explain that no, your tattoo is fine, it just looks backwards because that’s how mirrors work.”
2. That would not be a fun job…or maybe it would…
“About half the calls I take on a daily basis.
People call 911 to ask whether Walmart is open. To report that they didn’t get enough mayo on their burger. To complain that cleanup at a fatality wreck is taking too long. All sorts of silly, out of touch shit.
Granted, there is probably some level of mental illness and/or substance abuse present in those calls. But still.”
3. They’ll never know.
“Friend of mine showered in cold water for a year cause he never thought of turning the other tap to see what it would do.”
4. Makes a lot of sense.
“Getting a mis-dialed call from a random person who gets mad at you because you’re not the one he/she was looking for.
Happens with me several times a year.”
5. We have an expert on our hands…
“I used to manage a retail store that sold teen clothing, so as expected, I primarily had teens working for me.
One employee came to the back room while I was on break and asked what I was eating. Somehow the topic turned to how I should’ve brought chicken for lunch because she wanted chicken. I told her I was vegetarian and therefore don’t eat meat….
She tells me chicken is NOT meat. It’s “poultry”, and vegetarians can eat poultry??? She said at the grocery store the aisles list “meat” and “poultry” separately so they’re obviously different. We argued for a couple of minutes before I finally told her to go back to the sales floor. She didn’t last at the job long, but DAMN.”
6. The future looks bright.
“A girl in one of my college classes argued that heart transplants shouldn’t be allowed because “that’s where the feelings are” and the person receiving the heart wouldn’t be the same person anymore.”
7. I wonder…
“I worked with a lady who was remarking on how a friend of hers had lost a bunch of weight.
She pondered, “I wonder how many diet cokes she had to drink to do that.””
8. OH MY GOD.
“I teach 6th grade.
One time a parent came to me after trying to help their child with math homework and asked, “What number is x worth? It feels like it changes with every problem!””
9. Are you a scientist?
“A woman I used to work with who insisted that any animal could reproduce with any other animal. She believed that sperm from any animal was the same and that DNA was irrelevant.
She believed this because she once saw some sickly, possibly deformed puppies and decided that they must have been half dog and half rat.”
10. Time to go back to school.
“A former coworker was talking about how she wanted to go back to school to get her masters’ degree because she only had a “bachelorette” degree and wanted more job opportunities.
I said, “Do you mean a bachelor’s degree?” She INSISTED it was pronounced bachelorette when it was given to a woman. Then she led me back to her office and pointed at her diploma, to the word Baccalaureate, and said, “SEE?! Bachelorette!””
11. Smart move.
“Was at a party and someone’s shitty old truck got stuck in some mud so instead of sobering up and coming back the next day, he makes a Molotov cocktail with gas and throws it at the truck.
The truck caught fire and was completely destroyed.”
12. Not a movie.
“When I was in high school, we were reading a short story about what would have happened if the Japanese attacked us back with nuclear weapons after Hiroshima and Nagasaki.
A girl in my class raised her hand and said something along the lines of “why does this matter? None of it is real anyway”.
The teacher had to ask her to clarify, but this girl thought WWII and the bombing of Japan were just from a movie and didn’t actually happen.
The best part is: the girl was half Japanese”
13. Good point…
“One guy I met said that English is the true language of God because the Bible is written in English.”
14. You’ll see it soon…
“On 9/11 the General Manager called his daughter who was attending ASU to wake her up and make sure she saw what was going on.
The customer service MANAGER said.. “It won’t be on her TV yet, Arizona is 2 hours behind us”………”
15. Let’s take the train.
“Okay, so my favorite was a guy who was planning his honeymoon but he didn’t have a lot of money. He was bummed about the cost of air travel. A friend suggested a train ride might be cheaper. He became frustrated after a few days of trying and complained that he couldn’t find any trains going to…
It still didn’t sink in because he had seen pictures of trains in Hawai’i. He couldn’t grasp that they were shipped there. It got even more surreal after that.”
16. A legit question.
“Was sitting next to a girl who was notoriously dumb at our school.
Thought people were being too hard on her until she straight up asked Google “Who invented water?””
Yowza! People are really…less than intelligent sometimes, aren’t they? Or maybe it’s all the time…?
Now we want to hear your stories!
In the comments, please tell us about instances that made you lose faith in the collective intelligence of humanity.