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This is gonna be a tough one to read, no doubt about it.
I can’t imagine what it must feel like to be mentioned in a person’s suicide note, but it obviously is a pretty common occurrence.
AskReddit users opened up and talked about these painful experiences.
1. Wanted to leave this world.
“Around May two years ago, my mother tried to commit suicide and I remember finding the note after I found her. When I went to “find her” I thought she was somebody trying to break into our house so I went and grabbed a knife, it turns out the noise I heard was her body flopping against the door.
I ended up being able to make sure she was okay but I think what killed me most was her note. She stated that my two sisters and I were all she had and (since we were growing up) she didn’t have us anymore. She wanted to leave this world so badly.”
2. You’re going to be a star.
“My amazing cousin killed himself when I was 16. He was 26. We found the note a few weeks later. He’d singled out immediate family members with a love / good bye note. No one else except his 4 siblings and parents. Then there was my mum, my brother, and then me at the bottom. “You’re going to grow up and be amazing; you’re going to be a star.”
You don’t know weight till your fav person in the world thinks the world of you, and that’s the last thing they think before they die. And you have no idea how to live up to it. Haunting and inspiring. You don’t forget it.”
3. Still not over it.
“He wanted me to know he loved me. That it wasn’t my fault. That I was “the best friend anyone could want or have.” That I should have his car. That he thought he was going mad and was saving his brother and me from the maddness.
I showed the note to my therapist. She thinks he had schizophrenia. His Mom did.
Its been 6 years. Im still not over his death. Doubt I ever will be.”
4. So young.
“I was a teenager and a close friend killed herself.
She wanted me to have her music collection, leather jacket, and a screenplay she wrote.”
5. I had no idea…
“He sent me a separate note the day before he did it.
“Thanks for existing, i love you”
I just answered with “love you too, bud”. I had no idea.”
6. Thanks for being a friend.
“I was thanked in my friend’s suicide note. I was with him the night he passed. I didn’t know he was going to do it, he just said he was upset and wanted to meet up for a smoke and a chat.
I believe I was the last person to see him alive. It really hit me hard when I found out he had passed.”
7. Specific instructions.
“My mom committed suicide after finding out that her tumor was malignant, she had just lost her father a year before and her mother died in treatment for cancer, she laid everything out notes to specific people and how she wanted things done .
I have always been an old soul and she planned for me to find her as I would be the reasonable person I am. But that day I was invited to try out for the debate team so I came home late…..and my little sister was the one who found her.”
8. That’s terrible.
“My boyfriend blamed me in his note and professed his love for someone else while condemning me.”
9. Absolutely brutal.
“My girlfriend killed herself a little over a year ago.
We were fighting and I was planning to leave her. She sent me a message that she hoped her death weighed heavy on me for a long time while I was sleeping.
She was dead in the bed next to me when I woke up.”
10. Life is cruel.
“My partner took her own life last year. I had become a carer due to her poor & declining health and she was despondent, going from a life as an active working professional to being stuck at home with her mind and body letting her down.
Her note was addressed to me and me alone. She texted her father.
In many ways it was beautifully worded. She expressed her eternal love for me and recognition of mine for her – which gave me comfort that she did not die feeling unloved. She stated that she – and I – had done our best and fought so hard for so long but she couldn’t go on. “Thankyou for everything you did, there is nothing more you could have done”.
She said lovely things about me and ended with “love for eternity” which I hang onto on my dark days as belief that we will meet again & her spirit lives on.
I know I couldn’t do more. But she was only 38 and fought so hard for years as her body failed from combined autoimmune illnesses. Nothing that would kill her itself – even crueller in a way it just robbed her of life bit by bit.”
11. Two different notes.
“Been in two. First….Best friends younger brother shot himself downtown in a popular street section an hour after I was the last to speak with him. We weren’t the best friends but we grew up together and shared many moments. last moments together I Bought him a bud light and a shot of Pendelton whiskey… his and my thing..
He wrote how I almost.. almost.. changed his mind with my words. I didn’t know till a week later what he’d done. I feel terrible for not seeing it.. his brother and I broke apart heavily afterwards after being best friends since our jr year.
Second: My ex girlfriend from high school year and a half out of high school. she called me the person who listened most to her. I didn’t love her.. but i did care about her. Attended her funeral and some treated me like the cause.. others actually realized she was going to die sooner or later from a heart condition. I respect her choice. She choose the way she lived and died.”
12. That’s intense.
“I knew a mass shooter that committed suicide. Always thought he was a friend, but after he died all of his videos resurfaced on the web that detailed how miserable he was, his manifesto AND even his plan for the mass shooting. In one of his mental breakdown videos, he mentions “some freak coming out as gay” to him, it was me.”
13. Blamed it on you.
“Mentioned by name we were young 13. She blamed me because I didn’t want to have sex because “It was the only thing that would make her feel better after her cousin died.” So I got called everything you could think of in that school the rest of my time there. And am still completely fucked even at 29.”
14. Professed his love.
“We were two weeks to the day from our 16th anniversary. (He said meaning the note). He was tired of fighting his brain and tired of fighting his inner demons. He said he was ready to go. He was at peace with his final decision. He said he knew I would be okay because I was always the strong one.
He professed his love for me and thanked me for never giving up on him. He asked me to promise myself that I would someday allow someone else to experience the joy that is the love I had given to him. July will be six years. I’ve yet to fulfill the promise he asked me to make. I never will.”
15. Snubbed.
“A good friend of mine, I unintentionally snubbed him once and I thought I had apologized for it and he was okay with it but he mentioned it in the letter and clearly wasn’t. A lot of guilt goes along with that many years later.”
16. Blamed for it.
“My girlfriend (She’s obviously not now but I’m not sure what to call her anymore) killed herself in January after we argued about something trivial. In hindsight, I wish I stayed in, instead of going out with some friends I hadn’t seen for a while. I compromised and said I’d come and see her earlier but that wasn’t what she wanted. I feel so bad for it now.
So, I’m out with my friends I do not see often now due to being in other cities and I’m quite mentally ill so it’s hard for me but isn’t it for everyone these days. I get a text off her mates saying that, ‘She’s slit her wrists and OD’d’ her mates also add the ‘it’s your fault’.
She’d left a note blaming me and saying I caused it. Her parents are being kind to me and we talk sometimes but I keep thinking she’d still be alive if she didn’t date me. Her friends keep texting me and reminding me it’s my fault.”
17. Thankfully, he survived.
“My friend came over to my apartment to chill and drink beer. He waited for me to fall asleep so he could get my gun and kill himself. I awoke to a gunshot. He shot himself in the chest. I called 911 and was able to stop the bleeding long enough to ultimately save his life. After he was rushed off in an ambulance, the police found a note that I had missed in the confusion. It basically read that he resented his ex girlfriend and regretted being in the military.
The final sentence was addressed to the cops explaining that I was a good friend, and had nothing to do with, nor have knowledge of his intended suicide. He eventually survived, but has major life-long injuries. Oddly, I feel grateful for his intention to exonerate me.”
Sad stories, indeed.
Has this ever happened to you?
If so, we’d like to hear your stories in the comments if you’re comfortable with sharing.
Everyone, please be sure to take care of yourselves and each other out there.
