78% of all suicides are committed by men, which means that, across the board, the men we encounter on a daily basis – at work, in meetings, our kids’ fathers, our partners, delivering our pizzas – are just not okay.
If you’re worried about someone in your life, or just want to be better equipped to spot and diffuse a potentially devastating situation should it arise, these 15 Redditors have some advice on how you can help.
15. Don’t tell them to ‘man up.’
Treat their mental health seriously.
When they are struggling with a problem the only advice that is given to them to ‘man up’. Which, in my opinion, they have and they just need actual help.
14. We’re all just doing our best.
Stop telling them to man up or grow a pair because men suffer too
13. Be a friend.
Provide more opportunities to form communities and activities that cater to different men’s needs.
A lot of us don’t have friends or intimate platonic relationships, and we’re in desperate need of that.
12. Statistics aren’t everything, but they’re something.
Statistically speaking men work more, work longer hours, work in more dangerous professions and consume more drugs (alcohol and other). In addition men, on average, have fewer close friends and feel lonelier than women. I think the fatigue of such a life can be quite draining.
I don’t think the problem is that men do not talk about their feelings. I think the problem is that they often don’t have someone to talk to. In addition, it can be quite hard to make new friends. Especially when you are past your twenties. You know, people you are potentially interested in are married and have kids. They are preoccupied with their own lives.
I felt very lonely and sad after my last long term relationship ended. It took me over 6 months to find new friends and I’m a hardcore extrovert. Still, I made a bunch of new friends within the past year or so.
I’d like to encourage anyone who feels lonely to put yourself out there. Talk to people. If you like them, ask them if they like to hang out with you. Do you know how I became friends with one of my best friends? I straight up told him that I felt lonely and that I like him and would like to become friends with him. And for those of you who already have plenty of friends and a busy life: Maybe make some room for people in your community who aren’t as blessed as you are.
11. Don’t turn your back on your friends.
I can’t count how many times I’ve tried to approach friends about what I’m going through and gotten cold fucking receptions.
I’ve been ghosted by friends on more than one occasion for doing little more than having feelings. Men are meant to act like nothing ever bothers them at all, and so we end up bottling it up till it comes out in the worst ways.
For me, it’s often alcohol.
10. Toxic masculinity hurts everyone.
Don’t expect men to be “manly”.
We have worries, we have fears just like anyone else. Sometimes we don’t want sex, we just want someone to hold us and tell us everything is going to be be ok. The modern world shouldn’t expect someone to be anything other than a contributing member of society, be it any way. Men like power and feeling looked up to, but like women and children, we need someone to love us and someone we can fall back onto.
When a man, or even a woman is shutting people out and isolating themselves, they need your love the most. I know this will get buried but I hope someone can take something from this.
9. Believe them.
Treat us like humans.
I was sexually assaulted as a child and frequently tried to harm myself but whenever i talked to someone about it they scoffed and said i was telling fibs.
Edit: Thank you for all the kind words. Please if you’re thinking of hurting yourself please seek help don’t go it alone.
8. A little affection goes a long way.
Hugs, compliments and cuddles.
Men does not get enough of these things.
7. People really like hugs.
we like hugs
just hug pls
I want a hug Edit Wow that’s a lot of hugs hugs everyone who saw this
6. You never know when you’ll change someone’s day.
Give us one compliment!! Just one!!
A girl once said I had really pretty eyes. That shit was 7 years ago and I remember it perfectly because its all I’ve gotten in 7 years.
5. Just listen.
An uncle in law shot himself to death this week. The guy was screaming for help and threatening to do it for days. He was 48.
What are the options? If i was dealing with heavy depression and just wanted to talk to someone where do i go? Ive sought independent counselors and they usually turn out to be nutcases themselves. Seems like this just adds to the overall feeling of hopelessness.
4. It’s not weak to need help.
Don’t shame us for asking for help or appearing weak
3. Everyone loves a good compliment.
Compliment them, even if it’s something small.
“Wow that’s a nice shirt, it looks good on you.”
“Your hair looks nice today.”
A girl complimented my nose 4 years ago (weird I know), but I STILL remember that compliment.
2. An important list.
-Stop using expressions such as “man up”, “stop being a pussy” when a man expresses any sad emotions.
– Lead by example. For so long, men have been taught that they always have to be hard and tough to be “real men”. It’s time to break that cycle and have fathers show their sons and daughter that it’s okay to feel all da emotions. That it’s okay to cry, it’s okay to be vulnerable and open up about your struggles.
– Accepting that men can also be victims of physical/emotional abuse and rape, and providing as much support for them as we do for women.
– LISTEN TO EACH OTHER, it’s pointless telling men to open up about their feelings if no one is there to take them seriously.
– Body shaming is just as bad when it’s directed at a man. Men receive so little compliments, tell them they’re looking fit!
Edit: thank you so much for the gold! I’m finding the discussion in the replies so interesting and am so glad to be a part of it. You people raised some great points, I’ll reply later but just to clear up a few things…
When I say let men cry and show feelings, I do not mean they need to start crying and mull over every little thing. All I’m saying is that there needs to be a healthy balance between expressing and regulating your emotions. Everyone has different coping mechanisms. Yes, at times it’s necessary to “just suck it up”, to do what you gotta do. However, it’s not healthy to just suppress every negative emotion (Something that’s still often encouraged in our society). Not only does this cause things to build up, eventually destroying your mental health, but also, it inhibits you from learning how to communicate your feelings (good and bad) to people. If something hurts, then it fucking hurts. If it upsets you to the point of tears, that’s okay! Let it all out, there’s no shaming here! Girlfriend broke up with you and you need to just talk it out? Call up your friend! Tell them how this really sucks and how they can support you. Don’t feel like talking to anyone about it? That’s okay too! Let your friends know that you’re going through a hard time and you can fill them in later if you want to, after you’ve had your time alone.
In short, let’s break down those outdated gender norms and start using those healthy coping mechanisms, cheers!
1. It’s okay to cry.
Allow men to express sorrow without shaming them and instead supply support.
The ‘real men don’t cry’ idea kills.
This is such an important topic, and one that’s not going to get better unless we all learn to keep a keener eye, and to care for even the strangers among us.
If you’re feeling suicidal, please reach out to a friend, therapist, or the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-TALK.