I feel like we need to start this post out with the statement that there is nothing wrong with traditional roles in a relationship…if both parties agree and are happy with the arrangement.
In this couple’s case, OP (the wife) says she would be ok with that arrangement, but her spouse doesn’t make enough money to make that feasible, so the both work.
My (34f) partner (36m) gets absolutely hostile towards me about the condition of the interior of our home. He is unhappy with my housekeeping – and calls me all sorts of names when he gets upset.
He wants an old fashioned wife stays at home relationship, which I would be fine with, if he made enough money to support our non extravagant lifestyle on his income. Which he can’t. The result is now I have a job.
They also carpool to work since they only have one car, an arrangement that leaves them both gone from the house 15+ hours a day even though OP’s work day would be significantly less if she had her own vehicle.
Subsequently, they’re both too tired to do much other than cook dinner during the week when they get home.
We only have one vehicle and live about 20 miles out of the main city. Because of this we have to carpool together. This carpooling has become extremely inconvenient because his work day starts well in advance of my work day (think leaving the house 2.5 hours earlier and getting home 2.5 hours later) and has me gone from the house for 15 hours a day 5 days a week.
When I get home I am tired, both physically and mentally. I have enough energy to cook dinner and then basically I fall asleep.
Both are battling depression, but OP’s partner thinks that if she could manage to keep the house cleaner he would be less depressed, and vocalizes (meanly) how unhappy he is with her ability to do so.
We have both had an unfortunate string of events unfold over the past year that has left us both battling depression. He acts like the only thing that could possibly make him happy is a clean house.
I think I might be the a$$hole here because I think that this is not true because everything in his life seems to make him angry and depressed and if I could somehow find the time to clean the house without him messing it back up, he would just find something else to blame all of his anger and frustration on.
Should she try harder? Or is the house both people’s responsibility since they both work outside the home and are both struggling with their mental health?
I sure hope I know how Reddit is going to lean on this one!
The top comment portends what is to come – which is absolutely no one thinks this woman is the a$$hole here.
As an aside, her partner seems to not exactly realize what a traditional marriage implies.
This guy is definitely not ready for the chaos that kids add to the home.
The only thing preventing this guy’s happiness is his own laziness/mental health issues.
Things probably aren’t going to get better without help.
She did give us an update as a result of her Reddit replies, and I am clapping all alone in my house!
UPDATE: I financed a car today, he flipped out. He left and said “see you in a few days” We agreed on my maximum monthly payment and requirements for a car before I went to the dealership. And he didn’t agree with my purchase so he threw a hissy fit like a child.
So now I’m sitting in an empty house looking out the window at my shiny (almost) new car!
Do you think getting her own car is enough, or is probably going to end up just being a first step to moving on?
Weigh in yourself in the comments!