Parents sure do seem to be more involved in their kids’ educations these days than ever before, don’t you think?
Well, that’s an understatement!
And now this mom wants to know if she’s a jerk for the email she sent to her daughter’s teacher…
Was she wrong?
Check out her story and see what you think.
AITA for the email I sent to a teacher about her “You have to include everyone” rules, saying that was a dangerous lesson?
“My daughter is 12, I’m trying to teach her ways of creating and respecting her boundaries that are age appropriate. Teaching her that it’s ok to say “No” to things she feels uncomfortable with.
There is a boy in her class who keeps bothering her and her female friends at recess. I’ve encouraged her to go to me or her teacher when this happens.
My daughter told me a few days ago that in class, the teacher had asked the kids to form groups of about four or five. She had formed a group of five with some other girls, then the boy who had been giving her trouble at recess came over and said he was joining their group.
Another girl said that they already have five, and he should work with a group who only have two or three people.
He said no because the teacher had said “about” four or five. My daughter then said that they didn’t want to work with him, and he should find another group. A few of the other girls agreed with her. He said that “you can’t exclude me like that, it’s against class rules” and she said she didn’t care.
I heard about this from my daughter first, and the way she talked about it, she had been firm but not unkind.
But then I got an email from her teacher saying she wanted to call. She said there had been an incident at school where my daughter had excluded another child, and that wasn’t allowed in her class, and she wanted me to have a talk with her about it. Her telling of events was the same as my daughter’s. I felt proud of my daughter for her honesty.
I sent her an email saying..
Dear Mrs. (Teacher)
I’m sorry, but that is not a lesson I feel comfortable teaching my daughter.
She’s at the age where she is already having to deal with unwanted attention, and I’m making a point to teach her that she does not have to be around anyone who makes her uncomfortable. And that a young lady is able to choose to spend time with people who make her feel respected.
I understand you already are aware (Boy) has been behaving in ways that she feels uncomfortable with at recess, from our prior conversations.
I think it is a very dangerous lesson to teach a girl she has to include and be kind to everyone, instead of teaching her to be aware of when someone is not respecting her “No” and stepping out of the situation.
I hope I don’t have to explain in too much detail why I find this important… But to put it briefly, I was brought up with the “Include everyone” mindset. No exceptions.
It taught me to ignore my own comfort level, and as I became a young adult I became the victim of men who used my inability to say “No” to their advantage. It’s a dangerous lesson, and no longer appropriate at that age.
Thank you,
OP
She emailed me back asking for a meeting in person with the principal. I’m preparing for that but wondering if my email was too harsh
AITA for my response to my daughter’s teacher?”
Here’s what people had to say on Reddit.
One person said she’s NTA and laid out what this mom might want to say in this situation.
Photo Credit: Reddit
Another individual had some more advice about what she should say to the school’s principal.
Photo Credit: Reddit
And this Reddit user said she needs to get a restraining order.
Photo Credit: Reddit
What do you think?
Let us know in the comments.
Thanks a lot!
