Should This Woman Give Up Her College Money To Help Her Estranged Brother-In-Law?

Jealousy, space for copy, canon 1Ds mark III

There’s no doubt about it, families can be tricky. When someone passes away and there’s an inheritance involved, things can get downright ugly – sometimes even to the point of no repair.

This young woman lost her father and her only parent a year ago, and planned on using the money he left her to pay for college and medical school.

Context: My sister (F27) and I (18F) lost our dad a year ago. He was my only parent, mom was never in mine or my sister’s life. Dad left money (inheritance) for me and sister and she used her inheritance to get new cars and renovate her house .

I live with my aunt right now cause my brother-in-law didn’t let me stay with my sister.

I’m planning on using my inheritance money to pay for college tuition (I’ve always wanted to be doctor but haven’t decided which branch yet).

She has one sibling, a much-older sister who is married and – fun fact – whose husband refused to let her stay after their father passed.

Her brother-in-law also uses his own medical condition as an excuse to treat OP and her father, when he was alive, like crap.

My sister & I haven’t been close, it started after she got married to her chronically ill husband who was allowed to make backhanded comments about dad and mock his illness and make a scene at his funeral. only because he’s ill and shouldn’t be held accountable for his behavior.

I’ve distanced myself But my sister kept visiting a lot lately venting about my brother inlaws condition.

Recently, the sister has been visiting and complaining about money and how much the surgeries her husband will need, etc, and finally got around to asking for the rest of the inheritance money to pay for it.

OP feels unsure about letting go of the money she’s saved in the instance that she may not get it back.

He’s been in & out the hospital for heart problems and in need for a surgery. She brought up my inheritance money several times but I end up cutting the conversation. She then straight up asked if I could help pay for her husband’s surgery and she’d pay back in less than a year.

I felt uneasy cause if I give her money from my inheritance which is a large amount then there’s no guarantee she’ll pay back before It’s time to apply for college. I’m taking a year gap but I know my sister can’t pay back that much and I felt I was risking my future.

When she refused, her sister blew up and has been guilt-tripping her non-stop ever since.

I refused to help and she had a melt down at my aunt’s house calling me heartless, cruel with no empathy. She said that her husband’s health should be a priority and I needed to help because education is nothing compared to someone’s health and asked if I’d be happy to see her as a widow and my nephew with no father.

My aunt suggested others pay but most of them cut my sister and her husband off. I argued that her husband’s poor health isn’t my fault after she kept blaming and guilt-tripping me.

OP feels as if she’s being forced to decide between her future and being a good aunt/sister. Her own aunt has said not lending the money will probably cause lasting damage in their relationship going forward.

She kept crying and although my aunt decided to stay out of it she said that I should be prepared for permanent damage in my relationship with my sister if I don’t help her now.

She’s been sending texts and pictures of her family telling me this is what I was saying no to, a happy healthy family with a healthy husband and father. I cried and felt like I was being selfish not good aunt and sister.

I asked my friend and he said let them sell the cars and all the luxurious stuff they bought to afford the surgery and warned me if I give them money I’ll never get it back and may not be able to go to medical school.

Does Reddit think blood needs to come before money? Is OP wrong to try to protect her own future?

Let’s find out!

The top comment points out that her sister and her husband have not given her any reason to think they’ll be able to pay her back.

Image Credit: Reddit

And if she has to choose between her future and her sister, school might be the better choice.

Image Credit: Reddit

Because honestly, her sister hasn’t done much to show her she’s important this entire time.

Image Credit: Reddit

The BIL dug his own grave, here (hopefully not literally).

Image Credit: Reddit

Her sister and brother-in-law’s lack of planning doesn’t constitute an emergency for OP.

Image Credit: Reddit

This is going to be a really tough one for OP to follow through on, I’m sure, because the sister is the only family she has left.

I’m sure she’ll learn, though, that the family you choose can be much more worthy than the one you’re born into it.