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This is a tough question, because while I believe most women try their best to stay on top of their game while they’re pregnant, there are certainly circumstances that can make that almost impossible.
From the constant nausea and extreme fatigue that you hope only lasts for 12 weeks at the beginning to joint pain, swelling, diabetes, and high blood pressure, there are about a million reasons women 100% deserve to take it easy when they’re expecting.
This OP recently found out she was pregnant for the first time, so she wasn’t sure what to expect.
Throwaway account. So me (26f) and my husband (28m), who I’ll call “Jake” for this story, have been together for 5 years and married for 3.
We have recently started trying for a baby as we both felt like that was the next step in our life together, and 3 weeks ago I got a positive test back.
We were really really happy and told our families, and now my mom and MIL want to throw a big baby shower for us, it was just super good news all around.
Things went south the very first time she let her husband know she wasn’t feeling well, and asked him to do a simple (and very brief) chore that she usually handled.
Well 2 nights ago me and Jake were getting ready for bed when he reminds me to go through the house and make sure all the lights are off.
Now he can be a little lazy at times, and it has become a nightly routine for me to make sure all the lights are off that he leaves on before we go to bed. I wasn’t feeling very well and asked if he could just do it since he wasn’t doing anything and was literally standing by the door.
He then tells me “No, this is what is expected of you every night.” I was a little hurt but I didn’t want to fight with him so I just did it.
Then he went on a (slightly unhinged) rant about how nothing was going to change just because she was pregnant and he wasn’t going to do her any favors by “babying” her since mothers are meant to just push on through.
When I came back Jake goes on this very long and unprovoked rant saying things like “Just because you are pregnant does not mean anything will change” and “You are still expected to cook, clean, and do all the chores every day because how can you be expected to be a mother if you can’t handle a little work.” He wasn’t yelling or anything, he was talking to me quietly like a was 2 inches tall.
I was shocked because I had never heard him say anything like this. The rant went on for about 30 minutes before I interjected and asked “Well what do you plan on doing to help me with all of this.”
She asked him what he planned to contribute and the answer was basically nothing, since he works and she’s “just” going to school at the moment.
He then got extremely defensive saying he works his ass of at his job to provide for me and what is going to be our future children. (For context I don’t work atm, my job was not paying enough to justify me going so I am a full time college student)
He ended by saying that it doesn’t matter how I feel physically or mentally, it is a mothers job to push through, and if he helped and babied me I wouldn’t be a good mother.
OP got angry and told him she wished she’d known how he felt before she’d gotten pregnant. His response was to cry and run to his mother’s house (seriously), and now the MIL and SIL are also berating OP for her snapped response.
I got extremely upset and started yelling and I said that “I wish I would’ve known this is how you felt before I got pregnant with your baby.” There was a moment of silence before he started crying and he left for the night to stay at his mothers house.
He hasn’t been back yet and my MIL and SIL have called me berating me and saying I broke Jakes heart with what I said and I need to apologize immediately, and until I do he isn’t coming home. I don’t know how to feel.
So AITA for yelling at my husband after he said he isn’t helping me with anything during the pregnancy because “its a mothers job to deal with it”?
She wants to know if she’s wrong, but most of the people who replied on Reddit just want to make sure she’s okay.
The top comment argues that OP needs to get an abortion and a divorce, and honestly, no one argues otherwise below her.
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This is true, which is totally insane.
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Most people agree that this situation is only going to escalate.
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Everyone in the comments is pretty darn worried for OP, and I totally understand why.
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Tying herself to him for life would likely be a huge mistake.
Image Credit: Reddit
OP left an update saying that she’s moving in with her parents and doesn’t plan to have any contact with her husband as of right now.
EDIT: First I want to thank you all for your responses. I’m sorry I haven’t really responded to anyone specifically but I really do appreciate you guys.
A few of you asked if I told my MIL and SIL what he said, which I did. They basically said I was being sensitive and all he meant was pregnancy isn’t an excuse to be lazy, he meant no harm. ……ok. I am getting some things together and am going to be headed to my mom and dads house.
My mom is furious with him and doesn’t want me apologizing to him or talking to him without the situation either being recorded or having a witness. Regardless, I am ok and will be ok.
I do appreciate all of you though, you have opened my eyes to many things I may have been ignoring or looking past over the years.
I honestly hope that she takes the advice in the comments seriously and ends up safe, whatever she decides.
How would you advise her if she was someone you loved? This is a tough one, and kind of scary I think!
