Much as we all wish we could be Rico Suave all the time, the fact of the matter is that all of us have committed our share of faux pas. Don’t feel bad, though, because this Reddit thread proves you’re not alone.
1. Google Search
My crush came to my house to do a high school project. It involved the Internet and while she sat next to me she tried to navigate to Google on my computer. Unfortunately, the address bar auto-filled and took her to my last Google search. Page two of results for her name. Every link had been clicked. We both just sat in silence.
2. Final Countdown
Last year on New Year’s Eve I was at a big bar in New York with friends and I got kind of drunk and went outside for a cigarette at one point. I must have actually been outside for the countdown, because when I came back in I looked at my phone and it was like 12:02 and I asked my friend why there wasn’t a countdown done by the DJ. I couldn’t really hear what he said, so I went up to the DJ and asked to use the mic and I did a second countdown. In front of the entire bar. With hundreds of people. Starting at “30”. And no one joined in.
3. Not My Dad
I was out with my dad at some event. I was maybe 14 or 15. It was an off-roading club and it was his first event to go to. I was tired and we were getting ready to leave. I saw my dad talking to some people, he was like leaning on their car, looking into their window and talking to them. I came up and put my head on his shoulder/chest area and looked into the car for a couple seconds just to hang out and see who he was talking to. It wasn’t my dad. It just looked like him from behind. All conversation stopped and it didn’t hit me for like 20 seconds. Then I said nothing and walked away.
4. Not How It Seems
My coworker and I were taking the stairs to get to my office to be healthy. He mentioned my skirt was on crooked so I readjusted it as we stepped out and a bunch of the bosses were there, staring at 2 people coming out of the emergency staircase all flushed and sweaty, and one of them readjusting her skirt. The raised eyebrows were bad enough, the smirk from this really pervy boss was the worst.
I was really sick one day in high school, and my mother thought I was faking it and still made me go. I sneezed so hard I crapped myself. It was everywhere. I called her to ask if she could pick me up from school or at least bring me a change of clothes, she still thought I was lying.
Luckily my gym teacher found me a pair of pants, but I had to deal with my shame for the rest of the school year. I got made fun of a lot for that
6. Same Thing
In sixth grade, I started playing Guitar Hero III. That was my intro into any music differing from hip hop, so I basically threw the entire track list onto my iPod and would walk around campus air guitaring. Or more like air guitar-heroing I guess? Anyway, one day in class my teacher asked the class if any of us played an instrument and the conversation went like this:
“Hey, don’t you play guitar?”
“No, I actually play Guitar Hero. Basically the same thing.”
I do actually play guitar now and this thought makes me cringe so much.
7. You’re Invited
During my alcohol phase I went on Facebook to search for and pore over pictures of my crush. When I woke up in the morning, I realised that I had actually created an event with her name as the title.
8. Potato Ear
When I was in middle school (6th grade) these older kids were making fun of me, so I turned and yelled at them “I can’t hear you I have a POTATO IN MY EAR” Like I was the smartest person on earth.
They proceeded to continue making fun of me and my potato ear.
In middle school we had this mean cooking teacher that everyone hated, until our last year of being there, she seemed to lighten up a lot.
On our last day of school everyone was hugging her and saying goodbye in the front part of the school, and I decided “why the hell not, she’s pretty cool”. So as she was walking up the walkway towards me and I put out my arms to hug her, well she walked right past me, and I hear laughter from behind me, and its my crush and her friends dying of laughter.
Still kills me to this day.
10. All Hail The Pants King
In primary school around grade 3 (age 9) my friends convinced me to go talk to this girl who I had the biggest crush on
I awkwardly went up to her and started talking to her and my jerk mate came up and pantsed me in front of her
Thankfully he didn’t manage to pull down my undies as well but being 9 years old this girl squealed and then avoided me for ages afterwards
Also the guy who dacked me, we’re still best mates all these year later so he likes to remind me all the time.
11. Unrequited Love
I once wrote a letter in second grade to my best friend’s older sister that was in fourth grade, it was gushy and gooey and romantic.
He passed it on and I sort of forgot about it until one day several weeks later when I asked him ‘oh by the way what did she say?’ and he responded ‘she kind of just laughed’.
I still cringe when she brings it up and we’re now in our 20’s
12. Monkey Man
My friends and I used to watch a British comedy called ‘The league of Gentlemen” there was a scene where a character said “You! Monkey man.”
For some stupid reason we coined the phrase and used it to wind each other up.
One night we were in the pub watching the World Cup (football) and Ronaldinho came on to the screen and I shouted “You! Monkey Man” in a packed pub. Obviously there were people of different races there.
It was absolutely horrifying. It just came out without thinking, I’m not in the slightest bit racist.
13. Couldn’t Cash In
I tried to pick up the teller at a bank… I haven’t been back to that branch in a good 5 years or so.
I had a female family friend. We ended up going to the same school in the end and she was having a party that evening. We were across the room from each other in the canteen, in two separate lunch queues.
There was a lot of shouting across from people trying to talk to their friends and I caught her calling to me and trying to say something. I keep shouting back ‘WHAT?!’ cos it’s so noisy.
Me: I CAN’T HEAR YOU BUT WE CAN CHAT AT THE PARTY YEAH?
Room suddenly goes quet.
Her: YOU’RE NOT INVITED AND I’M NOT EVEN TRYING TO TALK TO YOU.
Turns out she was trying to talk to her friend behind me.
Don’t know why this makes me cringe everytime I think back to it. But it’s probably to do with how cool I felt at 11 being friends with one of the cool girls by default.
Who it turns out never really liked me anyway.
15. Naruto Runner
I ran just like Naruto throughout high school. From switching class to class, during lunch time, catching the bus, etc. I always thought I was cool.
16. Just Water
Guess it’s not as cringy now considering I was a kid when it first happened; but back in first grade we were writing a test or something and I had to go to the washroom BADLY, but the teacher refused to let me go until the tests were finished so I pissed all over my chair. There was a huge puddle all over the floor.
The girl next to me asked me what was all over my seat and I said it must have been water, she dipped her fingers in it and licked it up and said “yep it’s just water.” No one ended up finding out I pissed myself so that’s always good.
17. Oh, Canada…
I went to a Blue Jays game (I am from the States) when I was like 7. I thought the US hated Canada and started loudly booing the national anthem. My mom was not happy.
18. Sneaky Sneaky
I was crawling across the floor of a store to go play with a girl on the other side of the store. (Crawling because my mom said I couldn’t go play so I was very sneakily sneaking away) An old woman didn’t see me and tripped over me in the middle of the store.
When I met someone new that I wanted to be friends with, I would take a picture of them with my flip phone. I was never in the picture. It was just them looking awkwardly in a picture by themselves.
20. False Alarm
I was invited to the birthday party of someone I’d only met a couple times but we had a lot of mutual friends. I was sat in the lounge having a drink and the birthday-guy came in, leant over me with his arms outstretched…so I hugged him.
He was reaching for something behind me.
21. Too Soon
I get a girl’s number (i have known her for like a day or two) I walk 2 blocks and I send the longest love confession text message of my life.
There was a brief time in middle School in which I would speak in the manner of Tony “Scarface” Montana. “Shot up, you pile o cockaroches!” So embarrassing.
23. Playing It Cool
At one point during middle school I found out a girl liked me through a friend and proceeded to ignore her for the entirety of middle school.
Even though I liked her back.
24. “Mission Accomplished.”
When I was 12-13 I was homeschooled. My only real social interaction was at church, so I would get bored during the week, and take the city bus down to the main transfer station around the time school was getting out, only to then take the bus back home with all the kids, pretending to be one of them. A lot of people took the city bus instead of the school bus depending on where they lived… I would wear my backpack and everything to try to blend in, probably with just random stuff in it. Anyway, at this particular time I was positive that the coolest possible clothing combination I had come up with was a pair of brown corduroy pants, airwalk skate shoes (this is about 1997) and… a multicolored tie-dye T-shirt. I was positive that this outfit made me the bee’s knees, and gave me the confidence to talk to anyone. I think I wore it pretty much every day.
There was one particular girl that I had been checking out for several weeks and one day decided to work up the nerve to talk to her. Nearing her stop, I walked back a couple rows and sat one seat in front of her. “Hey are you in my English class?” I lead with. “I don’t know, who’s your teacher?” Uh oh, I hadn’t planned for this appropriately! Quick! Think of something! “Oh uh…I just transferred. I can’t even remember his name, mr Roberts? Robert..son? Robertson?” “I don’t know who that is, but I’m not in that class.” “Oh ok. I think I’ve seen you around.” “Ok.” gives me the ‘cool story bro’ look before that was a saying It was her stop so she got off. Now this is where it goes from fairly cringy to cringe factor 1 million. As she gets off the bus, I turn to a random kid I don’t know who had been siting in the row behind her, give him a knowing look and a thumbs up, and say “mission accomplished.” He just stares at me. I get up, go back to the front of the bus, silently patting myself on the back for my cool smooth interaction. I’m not even exaggerating that this has kept me awake occasionally for almost 2 full decades.
25. Damnit, Google
Me and two friends of mine were speaking in a Facebook group chat about going to the gym later that evening. One of my friends was new to town and became friends due to a relationship he formed whilst living in a different country and was only coming on a free trial to see if he’d join.
He was giving it the big one about how he smashed the gym back in home town etc. In the middle of arranging times and shit he sent a message to the chat.
“What gym machine to use”
Then he sent;
“How to use the machines convincingly”
When questioned he said he lied and has never been to a gym and thought he was typing on Google.
26. Missed Connection
I tried shrooms for the first and last time with friends then decide to go to a party! Walking up to the dark house, a cute girl greets us. What’s your name she says. I reply in fear “My name is Dane, I’m only 17!” We then proceed to leave immediately.
Approached by cute girl, immediately turns her down. I’m 29 now and my friends and I still laugh at this.
When I was 12 I was attending a friend’s party. I had been telling some jokes, and had a small group laughing along. Being young and inattentive and foolish, I started telling some amputee jokes (I was dumb and didn’t know any better), being completely unaware of the fact that the young lady sitting directly to my left on the couch was missing her left arm from the elbow down.
28. Aunt Flo
When I got my period for the first time, I took it upon myself to warn all friends (some of whom I wasn’t even very close with) via email that I might be moody because, ya know, womanhood and all!