Raising kids is tough, and when you’re a single mom raising a boy it can seem even harder to navigate. There are experiences that are specific and personal to each respective gender – ones that can be hard to get or even see if you’ve not gone through them yourself.
So, if you’re a mom with boys and limited access to male role models in your life, you might want to scroll through this advice from men on Reddit about what to do/not to do when raising your sons.
14. Take smart risks
Encourage them to be adventurous, to take smart risks, and how to negotiate.
Was raised by a very overprotective mother, I learned none of these things till middle age.
13. Girls are also people
Make sure he knows girls are also people just like him so he doesn’t be all awkward around them thinking they are some higher being. Figured that out myself after elementary school and now i can talk to anyone with ease.
12. Don’t follow along
If you are arguing and he retreats to his own room or outside, don’t follow along continuing the argument. Young people have a hard time expressing themselves and may need time to process their thoughts.
Men are too often given the impression that they are only allowed specific responses and unfortunately one of them is anger. As a teenager I couldn’t get away from my parents when we argued and I ended up feeling trapped.
11. Especially the small ones
Keep your promises. Especially the small ones that are easy to let slip.
And when you break or slip up on one, directly acknowledge it with them and apologize while trying to make amends. Even (especially, really), if they don’t remember. Raising a child that keeps their word is 100% modeling, not lecture.
You have to show them how to build those skills by demonstrating them daily, while reinforcing that with direct explanation of what you’re doing or thinking in relevant contexts.
Simply put, don’t hold them or yourself to a standard of perfection or pure honesty, expect accountability and integrity, even in failure or mistakes. It’s just as important how we handle when we fail through our own mistakes as trying to avoid making them.
10. Ask him to come
If you call for him in the other room, and he responds with “yes?” Actually ask him to come rather than not saying anything.
9. Don’t tease
Don’t tease your sons about any female friends.
It usually leads to issues with them being unable to talk to you about things when they actually do like someone.
8. It grows as I grow older
The penis grows during puberty.
My mom has little knowledge of male biology, when I was like 6 or 7, she teased me that my penis was too small. OF COURSE IT’S SMALL, I’m only 6, and it grows as I grow older!
PS: My wee-wee isn’t small anymore.
7. Let him
When your teenage son suddenly wants to do his own laundry LET HIM!!
You do not need to be touching what he is trying to wash away…
6. Have trust
It’s good to be involved, but don’t be overbearing. The most stressed out and repressed guys I knew growing up were always the ones whose mothers controlled every aspect of their lives.
Also, have trust and tell him you love him.
5. He’ll never trust you enough
If you tease him about personal relationships at a young age, he’ll never trust you enough to talk about deep personal matters.
4. It was embarrassing to watch.
Teach him to cook.
My post-college roommate had his mom cook all of his meals.
It was embarrassing to watch him try to operate a kitchen when he decided he wanted to make something of his own.
3. Give him a minute
If you knock on his door and he says ‘Give me a minute’, give him a minute, don’t just walk in.
2. A welcoming, stable home
Have a healthy relationship with your husband, boyfriend, girlfriend or whatever.
Having a welcoming, stable, warm home is the very basis of being a positive influence on your children.
Don’t just focus on teaching him the good stuff, focus as well on being a role model for him.
1. It’s infuriating
“Mother knows best.” has some weight as a phrase, but should never be law in your relationship with you son.
It’s infuriating when trying to defend yourself or what you want, while knowing the entire time you’ll get dismissed entirely. Of course you should have authority over your son, but ensure you do so respectfully. Listen to what they have to say and reflect upon what is being said, don’t take those moments your son may argue with you as time to catch your breath in between berating him.
That and when he may be looking for jobs, unless you live in a small town, or the place of work has a sign regarding hiring, everywhere does job applications online. Sending him around to every shop with a CV/resume will just be a waste of paper and time. A certain generation is under the impression that “It’ll show you’re determined and may get you a call!” where the reality is closer to “Oh his parents clearly told him to do this. Yeah sorry all our job stuff is online.”
Be kind to yourself, Mama.
You’re doing great.
