Grief makes people do funny things, and everyone responds differently to a major loss in their life. If we’re friends with someone going through a hard time, most of us try our best to be empathetic and to be there for whatever they need, because we love them and also assume they have our best interests at heart.
What if they don’t, though? What if while we’re being good friends they’re trying to devise the best way to take advantage of us, or maybe they see the situation in a totally different light?
That’s what happened to this woman, who moved in with her best friend to help out after the friend’s husband passed away.
My friend is a recent widow. It’s been a long time coming but that hardly makes it easier, her husband passed away at the end of February and she has been understandably distraught since. I have tried my best to support her through this even though I can’t possibly understand what she’s going through.
At the beginning of the March she asked me if I’d stay over during the night because she couldn’t stand sleeping alone in an empty house. I obliged and temporarily moved in once I was sure my husband was okay with it.
Because the friend is struggling with her loss, the friend-turned-roommate is doing the cooking and cleaning, as well as encouraging her friend to take care of herself physically and mentally while she’s there.
She’s not been taking care of herself so I have been doing 100% of the household chores and taking care of her and all her responsibilities as well as working full time.
Then, the bereaved friend accused her bestie of taking advantage of her and trying to live in her house for free, and demanded that she pay rent for the two months she had been there and, of course, going forward.
What on earth? What is happening here?
Well last week she spring on me how much she’ll be expecting in rent from here on out. She heavily implied I was taking advantage of her in her grief trying to live in her house for free and that she expects me to backpay her rent for the two months I’d already been there.
OP was insulted (I should hope so) and told the friend she would pay the back rent (what? why?) but that she would be moving out.
She promised to still help with things like grocery shopping (what? why?) in the future but that she couldn’t stay there anymore, as she already pays rent on her own house with her own husband.
I was extremely insulted by this and told her I’d transfer her the money she wanted but I would be moving back to my own house (where I am also paying rent). I got my stuff and was out within a couple of hours.
She has since asked me to come back but I have refused, I told her I’d still do her shopping and I’ll come over to help her with a few bits but I’m not spending another night in that house.
The friend is asking her to come back, but OP is refusing and now wondering whether or not she’s being a jerk.
I think we all know the answer, but let’s see what Reddit had to say, too!
More than a bit, I say.
This person thinks we should cut her some slack, because she’s grieving and probably not thinking straight.
But that doesn’t mean OP can’t set some healthy boundaries.
If she wants to try to get her to come around to how ridiculous she’s being in a more subtle way…
Others definitely have a more cynical view of things.
I guess you can probably tell that I think this woman, grieving or not, was totally out of line.
Do you agree with me? Have a different view? Tell me where you come down in the comments!