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We all have our hard lines when it comes to relationships, and honestly, the more and the firmer, the healthier people tend to be. What happens, though, when each person in a house gets a line crossed over the same incident?
If this couple is any example, what happens is that the relationship completely implodes.
This man owns a house, and recently invited his girlfriend – who he describes as “absent-minded and messy” – to move in.
I am 30/m, homeowner.
I had been with my girlfriend, 25/f, for about 8 months when we decided to try living together.
So we had been living together for 2 months when this happened.
We both work full-time and she’s also in grad school.
Recently, he came home to find a pot smoking on the stove and his girlfriend asleep on the couch.
She is extremely scatterbrained, absent-minded, and messy.
She was cooking a soup on the stove and apparently went in the other room to do homework, and at some point, she fell asleep on the sofa.
So when I got home, I walked into the kitchen, and most of the water had boiled off the soup and it had started smoking.
He admits that he has a background when it comes to homes and fires, and relays an honest re-enactment of what happened when he confronted her.
I will describe both my reaction and her reaction as accurately as I possibly remember, whether it makes me look like an asshole or not. Because I want to get an honest answer on whether or not I was an a**hole.
I was infuriated because we live in an area that has forest fires, I almost lost the house I grew up in because of a forest fire, and it could potentially cause devastation. So when I saw what was going on I started yelling.
OP yelled until the girlfriend woke up, and when she apologized, he told her that wasn’t good enough and that if she was going to act like a child, he was going to treat her like one.
I yelled at her until she woke up. I said “what the fuck do you think you are doing?” She said she didn’t mean to fall asleep and I said, “You almost burn my house down and you think “I didn’t mean to” is an okay excuse?” She said she was sorry and I said that didn’t cut it.
I said from now on, if she wants to use my kitchen, she’s not allowed to leave the room while there is a flame going on the stove. She said she did not like being talked to like a child and I replied, “act like a child, get treated like one.”
She left the room and went to clean up the kitchen, refusing his eventual offers of help and then leaving to calm down (or so OP assumed).
That was the last thing I said and I saw an instant change come over her. She left the room went to go clean up in the kitchen. After a few minutes I felt sorry and went to help her clean up and she said it was fine she’d take care of it.
I went in the bedroom to get changed, and after a few minutes I saw her car pulling out and her leaving. I was glad she left because I was still pretty angry so it would give us some time where we didn’t have to look at each other.
She never returned, asked him not to contact her friends or family, and moved out her things while he was at work the following days.
They haven’t spoken since.
Night came and I didn’t hear from her and I texted and then called to see if she was okay, no reply. I then started calling some of her friends and family members, and then I got a call from her stating she was okay and asked me not to contact her family members.
I went to sleep, got up, went to work, came home. When I came home from work, all of her things were gone. I tried to call her and I was blocked on every form of communication. I haven’t heard from her since then and it was several weeks ago.
He’s wondering whether he really overreacted, given the situation.
What I’m wondering is was I really such an a$$hole to justify that kind of brutal reaction.
I think anyone who had their house almost burned down would be upset.
Let’s give Reddit their say!
The top comment points out that even though something bad could have happened, it didn’t – and he can’t blame his ex for setting the same kind of firm boundary he himself found necessary in the situation.
Image Credit: Reddit
This person pointed out that it was very telling that his first concern was for his house, not her safety.
Image Credit: Reddit
These two people agreed that his “my kitchen” comment could have been the one that did it.
Image Credit: Reddit
Most people agreed it was the woman who dodged a bullet here, not OP.
Image Credit: Reddit
This person pointed out that OP wasn’t wrong to be upset, but that emotionally stable adults don’t communicate by screaming.
Image Credit: Reddit
Each one of these commenters nailed it, I think. He could be mad, sure, but there’s being angry and then there’s being abusive. He crossed the line.
Do you agree? Disagree? Drop your thoughts in the comments!
