Here’s one parenting story that you hopefully won’t relate to too much.
Brittany Berry, mother of three, shared this viral story on Facebook. It’s a disgusting one, but she decided to tell it anyway — “if only to serve as birth control for the younger generation.”
It all started when Brittany went for a run and took her children to the playground one weekend. She was sitting at a picnic table and catching her breath after her run when her daughter Sadie approaches her with wet shorts. Brittany assumed that Sadie had peed her pants, and thought, “No big deal.”
Upon a closer look, she realized — nope, that was poop, not pee. Still, NBD, poopy diapers are standard mom stuff.
“Then I start to change her and realize it’s a poop-trophe,” she wrote. “I’m talking on of them poops you usually see in a newborn, where it’s all up then back and down their legs and you contemplate just throwing the whole baby away.”
STILL, that wasn’t the horrible part. The horrible part came when Brittany realized that she didn’t have nearly enough baby wipes to deal with the situation.
“This isn’t a four wipe kind of poop it’s pressure washer or open fire hydrant kind of poop,” she wrote.
She went to her van to search for more, and that’s when it happened.
Brittany heard “that painful SQQQUUUEEEAAAKKKKK of skin getting stuck to a plastic slide on the way down. I look up and yes, of course, it’s Sadie. She’s going down the slide, butt naked, COVERED in poop, leaving a long skid mark of poop allllllll the way down on her way.”
Brittany had to rush home to grab a mountain of Clorox wipes to clean what she called her kid’s “slug trail” of poop off of the slide. Cleaning a slide without actually sliding down it is very difficult. Brittany eventually opted to just slide down and clean as she went.
“This was not easy. I did not look elegant or attractive, I’m sure. I’m 254lbs of sweaty fat flopping around this children’s slide like a fish out of water.”
Finally, Brittany was satisfied with her cleaning job and turned to go home — only to realize that her shirt was absolutely covered in poop. She threw the shirt away and drove home in her bra.
Her moral of the story?
“Always bring extra wipes, extra clothes, extra blankets, extra everything! Don’t clean out your car, ever. And if you aren’t mentally, emotionally, and physically prepared to roll around in another person’s feces… use a condom.”
Here’s the whole thing for you…
Yes. Definitely yes.