People Are Talking About How/When to Apologize for a Mental Health Episode

There are a lot of stigmas around mental health issues, but this is slowly changing. The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) says that in 2018, approximately 19.1% of people in the United States experienced mental illness.

Obviously it’s important to be sensitive about mental health issues in the country, but one Twitter user spoke out about the lack of apologies over mental health blowups that sometimes occur as a result of certain conditions.

https://twitter.com/LutroDraws/status/1220410382856093699?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw%7Ctwcamp%5Etweetembed%7Ctwterm%5E1220410382856093699&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fgod.dailydot.com%2Fmental-health-apologizing%2F

The tweet went viral and several people spoke out for and against this opinion.

Some people were for this type of accountability.

Let me reword this, because the message is important.

Mental health episodes have a heavy impact on your loved ones mental health as well. Although the condition is not your fault and you are NOT a burden, do your best to hold yourself accountable

— △⃒⃘Youtube: Nu Mindframe△⃒⃘♒️ (@nu_mindframe) January 24, 2020

Some people agreed but had some reservations.

What are some ways to do this without sounding like you're victimizing yourself? I struggle with saying things like "I'm sorry I did [insert thing here] to you. I was going through [insert thing here]" because I feel like I'm making excuses/playing the victim.

— carole lynn ✨ TAYronto 11/23 🇨🇦 (@clp_sweetest) January 23, 2020

A professional chimed in with their opinion.

Dude I am a mental health professional: & no one can convince me that no matter YOUR bad days, you don’t owe an apology if YOU blow up, medicated or not. Your support system isn’t to blame 🤷🏻‍♀️

— jess 🦇 (@_jessalilmore) January 24, 2020

One Twitter user explained why she apologizes when she can.

https://twitter.com/SudoIntellect/status/1220478278282174464

And someone else chimed in with why they choose to apologize, but they also preface with the fact that no one is owed anything.

I don’t owe anyone anything, let’s get that across. But if I actually care about you, I will hold myself accountable for my actions.

— ᵇᶦⁿᵍ ᵇᵒⁿᵍ (@ay0k12) January 25, 2020

One person tweeted about her experiences on both sides of this conundrum.

I have been on both sides of this. I've had friends hurt me, and when I point it out, they acknowledge that they did it and then tell me that they don't need to apologise because it's their illness's fault. I don't think not recognising the behaviour is the problem the OP means.

— Phoebe 🩷💜💙 (@saaranghaeyo) January 25, 2020

One Twitter user mentioned that some of these mental health breakdowns are also survival mechanisms that don’t warrant an apology.

I feel like this is a lukewarm take as someone who recently came out of a major depressive episode. I'm not apologizing for shit I did when I was just struggling to SURVIVE. Not unless it was something particularly horrid. The flipside of your take ppl who experience(1)

— OMG TRACK'S BACK AGAIN(AT HAYWARD!) (@UOTrackFangirl) January 23, 2020

Another Twitter user brought up a valid point: some abusers deal with mental health issues as well.

Abusers often have mental health issues, yet most off us don't excuse their actions, so why are some of these comments still defending people being assholes and using mental illness as an excuse not to apologize?

— Paige F. (@sexbombsalad) January 24, 2020

Another Twitter user mentions that it’s important to improve communication about mental health issues in general.

That involves those supporting others with their mental health being able to say:

You have hurt me.
I am exhausted.
Your mental health is impacting my mental health.
I need to step away.
I am not abandoning you, but I need to look after myself.

— Vala 🏹 (@Valaquesse) January 24, 2020

There were many other tweets, but this one tried to put things into context:

I heard a quote that put it in a more objective way without being offensive:

"Your mental illness isn't your fault, but it is your responsibility."

— Wolf @NaNoRenO2024 💜🏳️‍⚧️ (@WolfGameDev) January 24, 2020

It’s clear that any and all discussions around mental health aren’t easy. As some people mentioned, some mental health blowups are simply coping mechanisms, and they’re difficult to predict. It’s hard to pin down etiquette when discussing issues that have different consequences for everyone involved, but at least this Twitter thread began a necessary dialog.

What’s your take on the topic? There are no easy answers, but all points of view are welcome in the comments section. Perhaps your opinion or experience may help a reader that’s been seeking answers.

Drop your thoughts and let’s get to talking!