For years, taxicab confessions were such a well-known phenomenon that they even got their own show on HBO in the 90s, but now it’s the 2010s—and that means people are using their phones to summon drivers right to their house so they can drunkenly reveal their darkest secrets. When someone on reddit asked Uber drivers to spill the beans on what passengers let slip on rides (besides the contents of what they drank at the bar), it was like they’d just been waiting to be asked. Thousands of responses came forth, but here are 10 of the best:
1. User YetiPie kicks things off with the classic tale of a backseat romance with more than meets the eye.
I picked up this young overly affectionate couple that spent the entire trip making out in my backseat and telling each other that they loved each other. Cute.
So I drop off the couple and head on my way to pick up my text fare. I hear a cellphone ring in my backseat, realize it’s my previous ride’s, and pick up the phone to let them know I have it and I’ll come back to drop it off. Turns out it was the guys wife phoning to check in on him while he was on a business trip, which he was thoroughly enjoying with his mistress
YetiPie continued when someone asked him if the guy gave him a good rating.
Yeah, 5 stars and a tip. When I was going to drop off the phone I had planned to say, in front of him and his mistress: “your wife sounds like a lovely person.” I approached him with the phone and he handed me a 100. I was completely caught off guard so I thanked him and left…My plan totally fizzled
2. User cayhawt brings us one tale of bedroom adventures coming to a close, and another adventure that hasn’t yet begun.
1. Two girls taking about how they fucked the same guy. Both agreed his dick was too big and he was hurting them by lasting too long, both concluded he was gay.
2. Two middle aged couples trying to agree to a foursome.
3. Less fun is the creepy passenger of asudan30, who quit Uber that night.
Drove UBER one night… it was pretty tame until I picked up two guys who wanted to go to a strip club 40 miles away. As they requested an UberSelect fare I was happy to drive that far. ($80-100) It took them 15 minutes to get ready and into the car and they seemed cool so I wasn’t worried.
As soon as we got on the freeway the guy in the passenger seat started asking about UBER driving and things got dark. After a few minutes he started saying shit like “what would you do if someone just grabbed the steering wheel and ran the car into the median” and “have you ever thought about what would happen if someone in the back seat tried to strangle you while you were driving?” I got a little freaked out and tried to lighten the mood by asking what they were celebrating, etc, but the one guy just kept at it.
I was happy to get to the strip club and get them the hell out of the car. Bonus was the bouncer at the club gave me $40 for dropping them off there. I never drove UBER again. Fuck that.
4. Here’s a tale from hey—‘s buddy with an unexpected twist, and also a reminder not to be a jerk to your friend when they don’t want to drink (especially on their birthday).
Happened to a friend of mine – He picked up these two girls, lets say Ashley and Emily, who were each other’s best friends going out to celebrate Emily’s birthday. They were supposed to be going out downtown, but once they were both in the car Emily said was not in the mood and wanted to go back home. Ashley was pissed because she was trying to do something nice for her best friend etc and the two were in a screaming match in my friends car. He ended up dropping off Ashley first and on the way home Emily explained to him that she didn’t want to go out because she is pregnant and Ashley doesn’t know.
5. jesseholm teaches us not to judge a book by its cover even when that book is making out with a girl like it’s going out of style.
Took this 19 year old kids and what I assumed was his gf back to her house on pride weekend in SF. They made out the whole ride. When I dropped them off, only she got out. He said “Take me to Castro and 18th.” I said “Really?” and he said “Yeah, I only make out with girls when I’m rolling.” Never a dull moment in San Francisco.
(The Castro is a famously gay part of San Francisco. “Rolling” is the term for being high on MDMA.)
6. Just as a heads up, westport76’s story will straight-up break your heart. It’s ok if you pass this one.
Former Uber driver here. Picked a girl up a sweet girl from a bar on a Wednesday night – absolutely hammered, about 10pm. She got into my car, apologized for being so drunk and politely asked if we could just drive around a little while, with the windows down.
I was prepping for a cleaning fee, trying to drive and pull a vomit bag out of the glove box, but no, she just did that airplane thing with one hand out the backseat window. She asked me if I had ever thought about dying, to which I replied, yeah – I guess so.
That’s when she told me that she had cancer. It was in her brain and it was too far gone to consider chemo. I remember my heart just pounding. She told me she was dying and she was going to be okay. Tonight she was celebrating with her work friends who threw her a going-away party. She told them she was taking a position abroad.
“I just didn’t tell them that abroad was heaven.”
Jesus. Fucking. Christ. I turned off my app and cried my ass all the way home.
7. Since there’s actually a lot of sadness in these tales (people generally share happy secrets with friends, sad ones with strangers), here’s a story from an Uber passenger, dewayneestes, involving Saddam Hussein’s son to lighten the mood.
I know this is the opposite of what you asked because I’m a passenger not a driver.
I had an Iraqi driver tell me he was an engineer in Iraq before the first gulf war and he’d developed a superior means of gilding furniture, chandeliers etc which you can imagine was hot in prewar Hussein-ville. Well Uday wanted to go into business with him but (and this is a direct quote) “First Uday wants to be your partner in business, then he wants to be partner in your wife.”
Words to live by.
8. Just a reminder to anyone out there that it’s 2018 and you don’t have to stay in the closet for so long that you become a Netflix show starring Martin Sheen, Jane Fonda and Lily Tomlin. Thanks, Don2070.
Picked up 2 dudes. They were talking about how they were going to keep hiding their relationship from their wives and children. Pretty messed up stuff.
9. Doesn’t anyone just go out and have a good time anymore? Fortunately, evannnn67 can confirm that they do.
Never overheard a juicy secret, but plenty of interesting pax.
One time I had a group of 3 guys, probably around my age (mid 20s). They seemed nervous, avoided eye contact, and were pretty much silent from the moment they hopped in. I tried confirming the destination, asked how their night was going, etc, but only got muffled mumbling in return.
As always, I worked the situation out in my head in a calm, rational manner. Something like, “Are these guys trying to rob me? Jack my car? Did they just kill somebody? Am I an accessory to murder? Do they have knowledge of the impending apocalypse?”
But as my paranoia routine winded down, I slowly started to realize what was going on. Between the beads of sweat, occasional jaw clenching, and finally – random giggle outbursts… these kids were tripping fucking balls.
Once it hit me I called them out immediately and told them I was cool. They looked so relieved. I started blasting music (some Umphrey’s McGee I do believe) and they just started geeking out by that point. Fun ride.
At the end of the ride, the guy that sat up front tossed me a bag of shrooms. Good times.
10. Please just tell the people you love you love them and stop putting all the burden of making decisions on Uber drivers. clever_username7 would appreciate it very much.
One time I was driving a dude for a bit of a long trip. Was gonna take around 25-30 minutes. He wasn’t hammered, but definitely a bit drunk. It was late and he must’ve been feeling a bit down, so he confided in me and asked me for some advice.
He told me he’s madly in love with his fiancé’s best friend and he couldn’t back out now. He’d been with this girl 4 years, and engaged for 1, ready to be married in a few months.
It was pretty sad to hear, because it wasn’t just your average story. It was filled with a lot of subtle emotional and mental anguish. The guy went through about 5 years of ups and downs with his girl, and found an innocent friend and comfort in the best friend. After a few years, he developed feelings and it was just downhill from there.
Felt bad for the guy because he seemed like he was truly in love with his fiancé too, although he had strong feelings for this friend. He knew that going through with the marriage meant a lifetime of being around the friend and suppressing feelings, but also breaking it off meant that he lost the girl of his dreams. Seemed like a genuinely nice guy, and I hope he’s doing okay.
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