Family dynamics are complex, and honestly not something we can really comment on from the outside most of the time. Families not only look different than they used to, they function differently, too, with both parents working or the woman becoming the breadwinner, etc.
The people of Reddit being asked to weigh in on these situations aren’t the only ones still figuring out how to navigate things, either – so are the spouses and partners living it every day.
In this family, the wife has more responsibility at work and works more demanding hours, leaving the childcare to the father and the nanny most days.
I’m a father of 2 kids. Wife and I both work. She works considerably more than I do with less flexibility. She also has a ton of responsibility at her job where even if it’s her time off, if s*%t goes down, she has to handle it.
When the father took his two kids to a museum, he realized it would be cheaper to buy a membership than to just pay the admission fee a few different times.
Since the family membership included two adults and two children, he listed his kids, himself, and his nanny, since they would be the four people most likely to check out the exhibit.
So a few weeks ago I took my kids to a local museum that they LOVED so I joined for a membership. The membership is good for 4 people, you can add extras but it costs more. I just did the 4 but instead of adding my wife as the other adult, I added our nanny. 9/10 it’s either me or our nanny taking the kids somewhere so it made sense.
When his wife found out she was angry, and thought him choosing the nanny over her for the membership really said something about his feelings for her.
My wife discovered it after looking on our account because the kids and nanny are going today so she wanted confirm the membership was good. It hurt her feelings and I suppose she chose to take it out on me with anger.
She didn’t like my answer for why I did it and kept saying it “says a lot” that I just put our nanny in the “mom slot” instead of paying the extra $15 for her to be in there, too.
Now he’s wondering whether or not he was inconsiderate, and of course Reddit has thoughts.
This person wanted to give the dad the benefit of the doubt, because a) there is no “mom slot” and b) he was just trying to be practical.
That said, the parents really need to have a chat, because no one’s feelings should be hurt over saving a couple of bucks.
There were several that concluded there are NAH (No A$$holes Here) because he was trying to be frugal but she’s also allowed to have her feelings on the matter.
Others thought the wife was right, and the guy is a jerk for listing his nanny as part of his family.
While others definitely think the wife is being too sensitive. (2)
Just because the wife is hurt doesn’t necessarily mean the husband is the a$$hole. There are other options.
I have to agree that no one is wrong here. The wife has the right to feel stung over the perceived slight, but that doesn’t mean the husband was wrong.
It probably just means they need to have a chat about the whole thing.
Tell us your thoughts down in the comments!