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Families are complicated, there’s no doubt about it. Most of the time parents try to do right by their kids, and when they know from firsthand experience what a mistake could cost them, it typically makes them more empathetic than ever.
When this man’s daughter got pregnant at 18 but couldn’t see herself being any sort of mother, he agreed to adopt the boy as soon as he was born and let her off the hook.
He’d been a young father and so he understood, and didn’t judge her when she signed away all of her rights and went off to make her own way in the world.
So my (49M) daughter got pregnant when she was 18, she didn’t want a kid, especially not that young, so after some serious talk, I said I would take in her child, but she said she didn’t want any responsibility for the child so ended up signing away her parental rights and I adopted her child as soon as he was born.
She went off and finished college, travelled, and I fully supported her.
In the intervening years the (grand)father has loved raising his son, and his daughter has not changed her mind about refusing a maternal relationship.
The son had to learn to come to terms with that, but he has.
My son (my daughter’s child, but I will be calling him my son) is now 16 and is an amazing kid.
And my daughter has barely come seen him, and if she does come round, she just ignores him.
He knows that she is his bio mother but after a few failed reconnection attempts when he was younger, he’s given up on a relationship with her.
Recently, a few things have changed, all of which play a part in the story to come. His daughter got engaged to a man with younger children, his son came out as not straight, and he also won a small skateboarding competition – he loves the sport dearly.
These last few weeks a few things happened, my daughter got engaged to her long term boyfriend, my son came out to me (i fully support him), and my son also won a small local skating competition.
He been skating since he was 9 and loves it, it’s his preferred mode of transport and he is known by the local skating community and skate shop.
The fiancee’s kids wanted to meet their new “brother” and so the family came over to have a chat.
The kids got on fine, and the son was polite to his birth mother and her boyfriend.
When my daughter got engaged, she said she didn’t want any secrets, so told her fiance that she has a child, but that I have adopted him. his kids (I’m not sure age but they are young), not understanding that my daughter and my son are estranged, wanted to meet their ‘new brother’ even after days of refusing and kid-friendly explanations they didn’t give up, so they brought the kids to meet my son.
My son was friendly with the kids and their dad, and was civil with my daughter. my son and the kids went off to play and my daughter and her fiance sat with me to talk.
When his daughter saw that the son had been skateboarding, though, she hit the roof and criticized her father’s choices in letting him do something so “dangerous.”
After a while, the fiance noticed my son’s trophy on a shelf and asked about it, when I explained his look interested but my daughter looked horrified.
She sent her fiance to check on the kids then asked me what I was doing, letting him do something so dangerous.
She said that skateboarding was for ‘delinquents’ and that as his mother she doesn’t want him skating anymore.
He laughed when she said “as his mother” and informed her that ship sailed a long time ago.
She got upset saying that she’d changed and was ready now to be a mother, and he’s worried that he unnecessarily hurt her feelings.
When she said mother, I have to admit I did laugh, I reminded her that I had parental rights over him and that she has no say, she was clearly upset by this and called me cruel, saying that she was a child when she got pregnant and that she’s a different person now and is even trying for a child with her fiance.
I told her that that doesn’t matter and that my son is MY son. she then got really upset and grabbed her fiancee and his kids and left.
At first, I didn’t think I was in the wrong but now that I think about it, it might have been rude to laugh and hold my paternal rights over her head like that, these past few weeks have been emotional so maybe I overreacted, so AITA?
What does Reddit say? I bet I know, but let’s check out their judgments anyway!
The top comment is clear that he was fully within his rights to correct her, and not at all wrong to do so.
Image Credit: Reddit
Her opinion doesn’t matter, and she should really remember that.
Image Credit: Reddit
Her concern does seem a bit performative in this scenario, don’t you think?
Image Credit: Reddit
They’re not sure the daughter has really matured much at all, to be honest.
Image Credit: Reddit
In so many words.
Image Credit: Reddit
This woman is a piece of work, if you ask me. Not because she didn’t want anything to do with being a parent at 18, but because she thinks a whole human being should have to cater to her demands after 16 years of cruel radio silence.
Do you have different thoughts? Share them with us in the comments!
