When you’re falling for someone or starting a new relationship, sometimes you have blinders on.
You ignore things that you wouldn’t necessarily tolerate because you want it to work out so much…and sometimes that can come back to bite you in a major way.
Women, what red flags do you regret overlooking in the early days of a relationship?
AskReddit users shared their thoughts.
1. Not good.
“The terrible s**.
Obviously in the beginning you’re still working things out but if it’s still terrible after a few months despite trying your hardest to show them what you enjoy then don’t pretend it’s not a big deal when s** is a very important aspect of a healthy relationship.
I pretended it was no biggie, because hey its just s** and now I’m married and our bedroom is completely dead.”
2. Can’t have that.
“He made me feel self conscious about silly things like singing badly in the car.
We were married for 16 years before I realized I’d changed too much for him and had lost who I really am as a person. I couldn’t be silly or goofy, and he thought I was stupid for liking to get little gifts for people when I’d see something that made me think of them.
After our divorce, I moved halfway across the country (TX to CA) to work on myself away from the same places I’ve always lived. I feel like me again and felt good about moving back to TX because of the healthier place I’m in now.
Along the way, I realized I was too young and inexperienced in the realm of relationships when I got married and gave up too much of myself. Never again.”
“Him saying I was a “real woman” and “different/better than his exes”.
Those comments made me feel good at the time, but then I realized it was his way of saying that actually no woman was good enough for him.”
4. Messed up.
“Unable to deal with negative emotions, being desperate to avoid them at all cost.
This led to me neglecting my own needs, because he’d take it as personal criticism if I told him I needed something he didn’t already give me.
Equating s** with love.”
“He didn’t like me telling mutual friends about our relationship because he was a private person.
Lots of other red flags but this was a big one.
Turned out he was living a double life but it took me 2 years and a mental breakdown to figure that out.”
6. Never a good thing.
“Anger issues/”having a temper”/explosive outbursts of anger when things didn’t go his way/lashing out physically and verbally when upset.
Just because it hasn’t been directed at you yet, doesn’t mean you are actually safe.”
7. Sums it up.
“If the friends he hangs out with the most are a**holes, he’s an a**hole too.
He’s just acting differently because you’re around.”
8. Disaster area.
“The absolute state of his house.
He blamed it on his ex and being too small and swore it wouldn’t be the same once we moved in together.
9. Only got worse.
“In my abusive relationship: when he yelled at me when he found out I was a feminist.
He accused me about lying about who I was by not telling him.
I thought it was pretty obvious from having even one conversation with me and didn’t feel the need to say “I’m a feminist”. It only got worse from there.”
“The amount of alcohol.
We were young, so everyone was still in that stage of going out and partying a lot, me included, so I didn’t think much of it.
But he seemed to do it just a little more than everyone else.”
11. All about image.
“He was an appearance guy. He wanted to appear so perfect in his social circle.
In fact, our first fight was because he invited his 2 friends to our night out without my consent (no problem) but those guys acted as if I did not exist. Then I got bored and I wanted to leave after like an hour, he took me home but he sulked like a baby!
Months to come, he would take me out and treat me like a queen in front of his friends while at home we were fighting almost every week. I got tired of the duplicity and had to finally leave him.
But if I had known, I would have left after that first fight.”
“He was 12 years older than me and we began talking as “friends” when I was 15 years old.
Looking back i think i was groomed but hey, he’s not in my life anymore so what does it matter?”
13. The jealous type.
He was very romantic and charming at first, then started accusing me of infidelity and flirting with other man. Once he accompanied me to the vet because my dog was in an accident and needed surgery.
He accused me of flirting with the vet, even though the vet and I were discussing my dog’s care. He has a meltdown over it later in the evening. That is only one example. Fast forward a couple of months…I find out he was still married and I was “the other woman”. Ew.”
Do you remember some red flags you overlooked in relationships?
If so, tell us about them in the comments.
We’d love to hear from you!