Have you ever hurt yourself in a really dumb way?
I’m talking about a way that you were embarrassed to admit to people?
Well, if you have, you’re not alone because these folks have, too!
Let’s take a look at their stories.
“Tried to catch a falling kitchen knife with my foot.
“I am a teacher and have a pencil holder in my classroom filled with 30 sharp pencils, all facing upwards.
I dropped something and quickly went to pick it up but face planted the pencil holder. Luckily I was only stabbed by about 3 of them.
One was about half a centimeter from my eye. I still have the lead marks under my skin.”
3. Flock of seagulls.
“I got attacked by a flock of seagulls when I was young.
I was like, 5 or 6 and it was a beautiful day and I was stuck in the car with my mom going shopping. I kept bugging her to take me to the park, and she relented.
We stopped and got lunch at a food truck that was there, I got my food first, so I walked to the nearest picnic table which was maybe 50-60 feet away. I sat down and started eating, when a ton of seagulls landed all around me. One landed on the table, screeched at me and attacked me.
Then the WHOLE FLOCK attacked me. I screamed and run for my Mom, who came running, while this massive flock chases after me. I hid behind her and she started to beat them out of the air with her purse. After she smacked a few, they flew over to my food and started to eat it. We ate in the car after that.”
4. Not smart.
“When I was young I stuck my tongue to a hair straightener.
I burnt it, obviously.”
5. Legally blind.
“Went permanently blind in one eye playing with a soccer ball at age 11.
My neighbor kicked it just right so that when it hit the planter box on the side of the house it popped straight up 30ft into the air. I tried to replicate this, unaware of the bee hive inside the planter box. A swarm of bees engulfed me, stinging me over my entire body.
But one little f**ker went for my eye. He used his little legs to force my eyelids to stay open (clockwork orange style) and I got a very national geographic like memory of watching him curve his butt downwards, the stinger emerging from within, and him injecting my EYE BALL.
30 yrs later I’m still legally blind in that eye.”
6. Mother knows best.
“Tried to open a packet of cheese with a knife. Mum said “you’re going to hurt yourself”. I responded “no I’m not”.
Literally 30 seconds later we’re driving to A&E because I needed stitches for my fingers and hand.”
“Lying in the bath with my feet up on the wall, my foot knocked the shower head down and it slapped against my scrotum.”
8. Don’t sew your arm.
“Using a sewing machine and started sewing my arm by accident.
Was really into the song I was listening to so took me a good 3 seconds or so to notice.
That was a pretty bad experience.”
9. Didn’t stick the landing.
“When I turned 8 I got this kick scooter for my birthday. I rode that thing all day when I was home.
I practiced tricks like jumping over piles of bricks and spinning the base around and all that. At the next parent teacher conference I took it along to show off to my friends and couldn’t something “worthy of my skill” to jump over. Ended up choosing this crack in the hallway to show how good I was.
I f**ked up the landing and broke my leg.
I’ve hurt myself in so many stupid ways but that will always stick with me because I knew I could do so much more and f**ked up the most basic thing I could come up with at the time.”
10. Holy s**t.
“I work with big machines and I bypassed the safety by putting a key into the door to see what was going on with the robot.
The belt in the robot arm broke, it swung at me hit me in the balls, It pushed me backwards onto a cart the cart fell backwards I hit my head.”
11. Pasta sauce can be dangerous?
“Broke two toes with pasta sauce.
Pasta sauce had been batch cooked and frozen in family dinner size portion bags, flat so they stack and take up less freezer space. 300-400ml bag, unsure of actual weight. Floor around freezer is ceramic tile. I had bare feet.
Dropped sauce pack and it fell thin-edge-down. Acts like a toe murdering dull knife smashing into my toes and getting no resistance the other side from the ceramic tiles.
They took soooooo long to heal, but all anyone could do is buddy strap and splint them because they were clean breaks. 3 months of full whack, then another 2 of strapping without splint.”
12. Oh, boy…
“I once ate Waffle House twice in one day.
Then I didn’t poop for 5 days. I truly thought I was gonna rupture an organ. I was in serious pain and my coworkers were like “maybe you should see a doctor?” To which I said “the only doctor I’m gonna be seeing is the medical examiner.”
I took a couple doses of laxatives and prepared for the worst. Turns out, when you’re so ridiculously constipated, laxatives just bring you back to normal. Organs still intact for now.”
Do you have any stories like this?
If so, please share them with us in the comments.
Thanks a million!