Woman Asks if She’s a Jerk for Telling Her Daughter She Doesn’t Like How She Treats Her Husband

Sometimes, you gotta put people in their place, even when they happen to be your own children.

And you and I both know that can lead to some seriously hard feelings.

Read this story from Reddit’s “Am I the A**hole?” page and see if you think this mom took things too far.

AITA for telling my daughter I don’t like how she treats my husband?

“I am a mom of three. My oldest daughter Gracie is from my first marriage. She’s just turned 17.

I have Milo 10 and Lyric 7 with my current husband. My ex-husband and I separated days after Gracie’s first birthday because he told me he wanted to see other women and wanted me to wait for him. I did not and I filed for divorce.

He always remained part of Gracie’s life but he made it clear he only wanted me when it suited him. After the divorce I met my current husband. Gracie was 4 before she was introduced to him. Her dad was angry when I found someone else. He hated my husband and Gracie always knew it.

I went through the courts when my ex would not stop badmouthing my husband to Gracie and did not leave her out of the adult issues we were having. The courts were not helpful at all and sent us to co-parenting classes.

Gracie was hesitant with my husband. She adored her dad and didn’t want him to feel hurt. This is something she told a therapist when she was young. Then when she was 8 her dad died and it feels like ever since then there was no way my husband could be anything to her. We never expected him to be her dad. But to be someone she trusts and cares about.

Gracie holds him at arms length and doesn’t treat him like a member of her family. She doesn’t include him like she does extended family. An example was last March. She was spotlighted in her art club.

She sent a group chat message to me, both sets of grandparents and her uncles and aunts but did not include my husband. I mentioned it to my husband when I got home and she’d made it home before me and still hadn’t told him. I brought it up to her and she said he wasn’t on the need to know list for her.

It hurts my husband and I have tried to facilitate their relationship to be more but I don’t think it was enough. A couple of days ago Gracie was saying she needed help with some engineering questions and she wanted to go over to my BIL’s (sister’s husband) brother’s house to ask him some questions.

I asked her why she had to go to all that trouble when my husband could have answered the questions for her. She said it made more sense to her to ask her uncle’s brother. This is when I told her I don’t like how she does that, how she treats my husband like he’s not there, like he’s not part of the family.

I told her we never ever asked her to replace her dad or to consider them the same but she excludes him and keeps him out and he has only ever been kind to her. I told her it’s something I would like her to work on. She got mad and told me I chose to marry him, she didn’t choose to have him in her life. She also said it wasn’t my business what their relationship is like.

I told her I’m her mom and I love her, and I’m his wife and I love him and I just want them to get along. She’s still angry at me and I’m trying to figure out if I did the wrong thing here.

AITA?”