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Listen, divorce is no picnic. Divorce when there are kids involved is even harder – I was a stepmother once upon a time, from when a boy was three until he was around twelve, and it was very hard to know what the right thing was to do when exiting his father’s life.
I’m not sure I navigating it correctly to this day, but maybe there is no correct way.
And these two ladies – both about to be divorced from the same man, have a much more complicated situation than I did. Buckle up, because personally, I don’t think this one is as cut-and-dried as some.
It all began several years ago when OP’s (original poster’s) husband cheated on her, divorced her, married the other woman, and had a baby with her.
Now, surprising no one, he’s cheated again, is leaving the second wife and child, and marrying the new woman.
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Fine, right? Except the second wife has reached out to the first, somehow believing they’re in the same boat now, and wants their daughters (who are half-sisters) to maintain some sort of relationship.
OP was stunned she would ask and basically told her to take a hike, that the girls could see each other at their dads if that’s what he wanted, but otherwise she had no interest in ever seeing this woman again.
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The new ex-wife broke down, saying they should have some kind of woman pact or something now that they both know what it feels like, and that she didn’t know they were married when she started dating the douchebag.
OP stood her ground, saying she wasn’t interested (this woman stole her husband, obviously), but she was happy to send her daughter for the same weekends as the half-sister, etc, if their father was interested in them bonding.
Now, she wants to know if she’s an a**hole.
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So, most people have hands down, without hesitation, come down on the side of NTA (Not the A**hole).
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Reasons generally harken back to this woman being the one who had an affair with OP’s husband, which is fair.
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They also mention that, as long as the daughter is fine with the decision, it should really be OPs responsibility.
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For me, this isn’t all that simple because OP does seem to be enjoying having this bit of power of the woman who hurt her (and who is now hurting and probably trying to make the transition as easy as possible on her young daughter). OP also seems to enjoy telling us how great of a relationship her two daughters (also half-sisters) have, like one sibling is all she needs, so f*ck off, other half-sister.
Also, sure she can tell us that her daughter isn’t really interested, that the half-sister is “kind of annoying,” etc, but I mean, they’re 7 and 8. What sisters don’t feel that way sometimes at that age? What would happen if we all wrote off our siblings when they were annoying and we were kind of over it? I think the mother isn’t being much of an adult about the situation and using her daughter’s current feelings as an excuse for doing what she wants.
Lastly, OP isn’t taking into consideration the feelings of the other woman’s daughter at ALL. Is that her responsibility? No. Is that something she HAS to do? No. The girl is not her child. That said, the girl IS a child – one who is going through a scary time in her life, is losing her father (and probably learning he’s not a great guy), and is now potentially losing a sister she cares about, too. The other girl’s feelings aren’t a trump card, but I feel like not even taking them into consideration is callous and smacks of punishing the daughter for the crimes of the mother.
Whew. I have a lot of opinions about this one!
Share yours in the comments!
