I’m sure you’ve heard that saying before. And it’s pretty true. Especially in the early days of a relationship.
You see things that might bother you but you tend to ignore them or convince yourself that it won’t happen again…until it does.
Women discuss the red flags they glossed over early in relationships.
Let’s see what they had to say on AskReddit.
1. Never grew out of it.
“The “video games trumps everything else.”
I just thought he would grow out of it.”
2. A bad sign.
“I dont remember how we got on the subject but we were talking about DNA and he referred to it as deoxyribonucleic acid and then said, “bet you didn’t think I’d know what it stood for.”
Cut to six years of him being wildly insecure about everything and simultaneously wanting me to make him feel good enough to date me while resenting me for the fact he never felt good enough to date me. Exhausting.
Like sure, I’m cool and everything but I’m still just a normal person and I dont care that you didn’t go to university. Hello???”
3. Sounds like a gem.
“When his mom came over, he bragged to his mom about how I cooked us dinner the night before.
His mom laughed and said, “that’s great!” but when he turned away, she whispered to me to make sure to not let that become a habit. I thought it was a joke at first, but little by little, he expected dinner, then demanded it, and then he reamed me out for not having dinner prepared.
Another one was that he screamed at people – a lot. He walked through a car wash, and one of the dudes accidentally sprayed us (it was our fault because we walked behind the car and the guy couldn’t see us).
A switch went off and he started full on screaming at the guy. I’ve never seen someone lose it so badly over such a minor thing.”
4. Disappearing act.
“He randomly disappeared for a few weeks in the beginning of our getting to know each other stage without any warning.
I should’ve known he would do that MULTIPLE TIMES in our relationship.”
5. Let’s talk about my ex.
“Talking way to much about his ex.
I fell head over heels for a man who later told me he feels bad for me because I talk to him the same way he would talk to his ex, who he has told me is his “true love” and who he will “chase forever.”
Seriously RUN if this happens.
Nothing hurts more than being dumped for an ex who doesn’t even want to be with him.”
6. No respect.
“His lack of respect when it cames to making plans.
He would ignore me for hours when I asked to make plans and would reply with “maybe”, in case his buddies wanted to do something.
He had a big case of FOMO and I was never his priority.”
“He hated me seeing my family, more so my dad.
He knew I wanted kids as well but would always tell me that “he should be family enough for me”.”
8. Uh oh.
“When your partner has no friends of their own.
This will ultimately come back to bite you when your partner comes to rely on you for their social life.
Or when you find you cannot hang out with your now-mutual friends alone without the expectation of your partner tagging along.”
“Someone getting very intense/into you very fast.
Often the sign of a narcissist and is more about control than true feelings.”
10. Lay off the weed.
“Smoking weed all of the friggin time.
Like every day after work, first thing he’d do was roll a joint and smoke in front of the tv. And then more. And more…
I didn’t want to see this was his way of refusing to take responsibility for the things he wasn’t happy about in his life. Took me a long time and many tears to realize.”
11. Can’t ignore that.
It starts with the small stuff. They don’t want to contact people to sort out stuff in their own life. You generally have to reach out to them first or put in more effort to keep the conversation going. They dismiss topics that are too heavy or uncomfortable to talk about.
As you get closer things get worse. They aren’t there for you when you need them. When you’re going through a crisis they get annoyed or try to “wait it out”. You start compromising and holding in your feelings to make them more comfortable and keep them from abandoning you.
People like this are unable to be in an emotionally intimate relationship because they are guided by fear, and will do anything to escape feelings of vulnerability. They think that the only thing that will release them from their fear is indifference.”
12. What a jerk.
“The way he described people based on (unattractive) physical characteristics.
I went on a date with him about a week after we met and he took me to this party where he just absolutely berated his friends TO THEIR FACES: “look out for those planes tonight, your forehead is so big that pilots might mistake it for a landing strip” was the first one.
The guy was visibly upset and embarrassed and kept telling him to stop and my ex would say “what? he loves it!”. I had to tell him to stop which was so awkward because I was only like a week into knowing him.
He continued it behind their backs, describing his friends to MY friends and FAMILY in this matter: “you know Mat? Really short, big nose, f**ked up teeth?” “Remember him? The big fat brown dude who was puking his guts out?” “The first time I saw her without makeup on I was like… she looks like a troll. What an unfortunate looking human.”
UGH it made me want to SLAP him for being so mean. There were a lot of things that wouldn’t have worked there but wow, this was so hard for me to make any excuses for. Wonder what he has to say about me now that I broke up with him…”
Have you ever done this in a relationship?
If so, tell us about it in the comments.
Please and thank you!