18 WTF Totally Anonymous Internet Confessions

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Everybody has at least one good, deep, dark secret that they never tell anyone.

There’s a section of Reddit specifically dedicated to letting people get that weight off of their chests by anonymously confessing, and here are 18 of my current faves:

1. Secret Lovers

I’ve been dating 2 girls secretly for the past 2 years and I just lost the one I loved more. I met both of these girls while in university. The first girl we actually met online first and then found out we went to the same school. She is a good student: smart, has lots of friends, and fun to be around. We started dating first but I never let it get to serious because I was still getting over a recent breakup.

Meanwhile, I start a new set of classes and meet girl B. shes sexy, cute, and really sweet. she’s into me and starts texting me because we are in the same group and we start hanging out. We begin dating as well and before I know it I’m falling for both of these girls for different reasons.

The first girl I met had a fight one day and it got ugly to the point where we didn’t speak for a couple of months. I spent a lot of time with girl B and fell for her even harder while at the same time missing everything I loved about girl A.

Eventually girl A and I get back together and spend a lot of time together to make up for lost time and because I felt in the wrong for things ending badly that I pretty much let her dominate my time so that she wouldn’t know anything was going on. Girl B, is obviously not liking any of this as she’s seeing me less and less and as I continue to push off things off with her. She dumps me. I lash out, say things that obviously should not be said and instantly regret anything as I have now come to the realization that she’s the girl I love and want to be with, but now she won’t even speak to me or hear me out.

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2. Cracked

I sleep with my hand in my buttcrack a lot of the time.

It’s comfortable.

3. Rent Free

I’m an 18 year old student. Freshman year I lived in the dorms, and this year I’m living off campus. I’m renting an extra room in some woman’s house. It’s a great location – super safe and a 10 minute bike ride to campus. I get my own bathroom and there’s also a pool/hot tub and billiards table.

The woman I’m renting from is like mid 30s. Her husband died a few years ago, so she wanted to rent out a room to help pay the bills. She also has a 13 year old daughter. She wanted someone quiet, would just mind their own business/wouldn’t get in the way, etc. And I was perfect. I basically went, “Yeah, I’m a student, but I’m an engineering student, so I don’t have a life. The only time you’ll see me is when I’m coming/going or in the kitchen.”

She and I started sleeping together. Then at the end of last semester, my cousin bought a house here and offered to let me stay there for free. I told her that I was grateful for everything, but that I’d be moving out.

She offered to let me stay there for free. I think it’s probably because she wants to get laid. I mean, she’s smoking hot so she probably could go out to any bar and bring home a guy, but that might not set the best example for her daughter, and she’s really socially awkward.

4. Daydreams

I like to daydream about myself dying. I often day dream of myself in a horrible situation in which I die, just to imagine what people would do or say about me. would I have this huge group of people mourn my loss of life at a young age? or will no one even think twice about it.

5. “I don’t even pretend to love her.”

My sister is special needs and has PWS. She just stabbed me in the arm with a pen. She is physically 19, but mentally 6. It’s getting to the point that my 60 year old father can’t physically control her. She is verbally/physically abusive. As I type this she is throwing stuff around in her room.

This is the part where I say that despite it all, I love her and she’s brought this family closer. Well, I don’t. And she hasn’t.

If I ever got pregnant and I will most definitely have tests done to detect for congenital abnormalities, if there are any, I won’t hesitate to abort. My mother says I wouldn’t because It’d be my baby and I’d love him/her too much. I’m 25 and have thought about this a lot. She is wrong.

Everyday is a struggle and I’m just suppose to forget that she is a f*cking monster. Yes, I am well aware that she can’t control it. A LOT of people don’t know what Prader Willi Syndrome is. But I can tell you, it sucks.

I don’t even pretend to love her. I avoid her because she is mean.

6. Solo

I just went out drinking with my wife and a house guest. We all drank a lot, but apparently I am the only horny one. I started looking at porn on my phone and the next thing I knew I was going solo in the bathroom which sits dead center of my 600 square foot apartment. They both seem knocked out though, so that’s good I guess ;)…

7. Stuck in the Middle

I find my gf a bit attractive, but not overly so. I don’t particularly like her personality since she acts like a ten year old, but I am her first bf and do not want to hurt her by ending it so I act like the best boyfriend ever.

Meanwhile I ignore her texts by saying my phone is broken and spend 8 hours a day talking to her best friend, who I think I love. I don’t have the heart to end what I have, and I don’t have a chance with the friend, because I am helping her get with another guy she likes.

I feel like the only reason I am dating this girl is because a mutual friend found out she liked me and talked me up as if I was dying over her and loved her like crazy. I am stuck in a spot I don’t want to be in and I hate how I got here, so I come to you guys to confess how I really am and how depressed this is all making me. Sorry if this doesn’t count truly as a confession, but I really needed to put this somewhere.

8. Gone

I’ve discovered I’m polyamorous and cannot be happy with just him. I have no plans to cheat on him. I just want to run. I did. And now I don’t know where to go. We just bought a house. I’m planning to sleep in the car and live off gift cards until I figure out what to do. I at least have my laptop. I am so fucked.

9. “Sorry folks.”

On a crowded morning subway commute…the beans I ate for dinner caught up with me and I let loose a lethal fart. It was like a gaseous wasabi cloud hit the D train. Sorry folks, but if I didn’t do it, I would’ve exploded.

10. Boog Appetite

I am in my late 30’s and I still eat my boogers and sometimes my scabs.I am not sure why I do it, My wife doesn’t know, I’ve done it since I was a kid and never stopped.

11. Benefits

I hear stories all the time about people sucking or fucking their bosses to get out of work. I wish I could find one that paid okay, and I could sit around and play on my phone all day, masturbate openly while at work, talk to guys on the phone, then at the end of the day just blow my boss and go home.

12. Paid

I lost my virginity to a prostitute… Long story short, it was… pleasant. I was 27 and had never been naked with a woman before, nor had I ever fooled around (even foreplay). I’ll admit simply getting over this hurdle was worth it but I didn’t perform very well (anxiety!). We finished in 30 minutes and spent the next 30 minutes just chatting.

13. My BF’s G

I want my best friend’s girlfriend for my own. I’ve known the girlfriend for much longer than I have known the best friend, and we have always clicked. As close to a soulmate as possible. But then we met my best friend, and he’s my best friend because he’s just like me, and I love him like a brother, because he’s the platonic equivalent. But I can’t stop thinking about her, she’s a goddess, think Taylor Swift with a fuller figure. She’s impossibly perfect, I have no doubt that she is as good as humanity has to offer. I want her. But I can’t lose the best friend that I have ever had. I don’t know.

14. Killer Kid

Once when I was about 4 years old I straight up tried to murder my 2 year old brother with a pillow. Almost succeeded too.

15. “For the record…”

I’m scared of being labelled a child molester/pedophile. You hear every so often about people being falsely accused of doing things to a child, and the possibility of that scares the shite out of me.

For the record, I’ve never touched one, never want to, never WILL.

16. Daycare from Hell

When I was 5, I went to daycare for the summer and suffered mental abuse from the caretakers there. They would always threaten to cut my head off and put it in a flower-pot. I would get scared and start to cry, so they would threaten me further if I didn’t stop crying.

One afternoon, they were doing their typical bullshit towards me, and again I began to bawl my eyes out. The main caretaker who took care of the babies actually called me over to her, set a bucket next to her, and told me to lay on her lap. I did what she said, and she pretended like she was about to cut my head off with a pair of scissors. I was so shocked and afraid that I just stopped crying. My tiny brain thought it was genuinely facing death.

After only a minute or so of nothing happening, I think the caretaker knew she went too far, and tried to comfort me. I just sat there on her lap, kind of staring off. She let me down, and I just went to a desk and sat there. I kept thinking in my head what I’d done so wrong to be almost put to death.

A week or so later, I was taken out of that center and put in a much nicer one.

17. The Favor

Today, I got asked to by a homeless person to kill him.

Now I feel like I’m in a funk, and have really confused/ disturbed feelings.

18. “I would just relax…”

I pooped my pants until I was 6 years old. I was potty-trained and fully capable, but thinking back, it always boiled down to whether or not I felt like going. If I didn’t feel like going in the toilet, I would just relax and fill my pants up.

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