We all know that kids say the darndest things, but there are plenty of times they DO the darndest things. Check out these AskReddit parents who caught their kids in the craziest situations.
1. Not how babies work
After dating my [significant other] for a couple months, his 5 year old daughter and I were sitting on the couch together. She started to rub my stomach and said she wished I was her real mom. The creepy part was, she followed it up with, “Maybe we could cut your stomach open and put me inside, then we can sew you back up and wait until I pop out.” Yeah it was sweet in a very very creepy way.
2. Ghost daddy
I was running late coming home from work one day by a few hours. My wife couldn’t get a hold of me and was beginning to worry. Then my 3yr old son went to the window and said “I see daddy in the car!” My wife went to the window and no one was there. When my wife asked him where I was he responded “He’s a ghost” then smiled and walked away.
We were preparing for our first beach trip, and I was trying to explain to my daughter, then about 2, about the beach. I said something like “It’s a lot of sand, and big blue water!” And she said, I’ll never forget it, so matter of factly, (I don’t think she was even looking at me) “I know what a beach is, I was there a long time ago, before I was in your tummy.”
4. “Kids are gross”
My daughter use to always stir her water cups with her index finger. I thought she liked to watch the water go around. She was also notorious for stealing other people’s water. One day I take a drink of MY water and it taste funny. I usually check for back wash and saw nothing. Later I see her stirring my cup that I deserted on the coffee table and asked her stop sticking her fingers in other people’s cups. I asked “Why do you do that anyways?”
“I like to stick my finger in my butt and drink the water.”
I will never tell her she use to drink butt water and liked if. Then on when I saw her sniffing her fingers, I’d yell at her to wash her hands. Kids are gross.
5. Dead things
When my daughter was 6 she collected dead things. Yeah It was mostly insects but she tried to bring home dead mammals a few times. That’s where I drew the line.
6. “Electrical problems”
My wife and I have a back massager. When my son was around 12, he left the dinner table to go to the bathroom. The ceiling started vibrating 10 minutes later. Our master bedroom was right above the dining room, so I went upstairs to check, only to see him humping the massager in a doggy style fashion. Without seeing each other, I just went back downstairs and explained to our dinner guests that we’ve been having an electrical problem.
The first real noises that my baby daughter learned to make, other than crying of course, were growls.
We found out in the middle of the night. Through the baby monitor.
8. Good luck buddy…
My son is 2.5 so we have many many years of creepy ahead. But for now…
The other day he was rolling around on the floor in the living room, doing these really weird looking somersault things.
“Whatcha doing, bud?”
“Just trying to bite my penis.”
“Oh. Well…be careful…”