You’ve probably heard the phrase “first world problems” on the internet. It usually refers to an issue that grates on people who live pretty wealthy lives, all things considered – a problem that is clearly totally minor compared to the problems you might have if you were living somewhere that lacks, for instance, clean water and electricity.
Well, “first world torture” is along the same line. For example, standing in line at the DMV might be torture for some of us in the U.S., but we realize it’s not actually torture in the literal sense of the word.
So know that this list of other items and tasks that could be categorized as such is all in good fun and not meant to offend anyone. But also, these things are so annoying, and can the world please correct them? K, thanks.
#15. But really friendly and sweet
“Getting that ancient (but really friendly and sweet) cashier who scans your items at a rate of 10 per minute, and you just happen to be in a rush.”
“Netflix not adding every season of a show.”
#13. You just want to nap
“Being stuck on an airplane next to a super chatty passenger who doesn’t pick up on hints that you just want to nap.”
#12. Waiting is the worst
“Buying a new game and immediately having to download an update before you can play.”
#11. Wet socks
“Stepping unto something wet while wearing socks.
Then, after you’ve changed to fresh socks and cleaned up the mess, finding another small puddle… with your freshly replaced socks.”
#10. You know this blows
“When you leave a safe following distance between you and the car in front of you, but the asshole waiting to pull out from a side road ignores safety and merges into the too-small gap they perceive as an opening then proceeds to go 5 miles below the speed of traffic in a no passing zone.”
#9. Special sort of talent
“Working in retail and listening to the repetitive, really bad music track.
Tuning it out is a special sort of talent I’m glad I’ve developed.”
“Driving behind another vehicle that stays 5 MPH below the speed limit, touches the brake incessantly for no reason whatsoever, on a road with no passing zones.”
“Sitting near those guys who talk through the entire movie in the theater.”
#6. Obligated to talk
“Stumbling into someone you know well enough to feel obligated to talk to in public when you really just want to buy your stuff and go home.”
#5. Bad ideas
“Missing your train narrowly enough that you can physically see it pull away.
Talking politics with someone that you really want to get along with, but disagree with on pretty much every level. It’s a tightrope you walk where you don’t want to give anyone the impression you support this Thing, but at the same time you don’t want to disagree with them too strongly, or you might get into an actual argument, and ruin the vibe of the party and man you’re a cool guy to hang out with as long as we don’t discuss this can’t we get back to drinks and a good time?
Or they have some kind of power over you and disagreeing would be a bad idea.”
#4. Long ad buffers
“Having a long ad that buffer before a video.”
#3. If you’re lucky
“When you pay for expedited shipping (ex. Amazon Prime) and the item doesn’t arrive on time. Now you’re stuck waiting for your cat calendar for another day, if you’re lucky.
#2. Why wouldn’t everybody else?
“Sitting on Greyhound bus next to someone who thinks “I love this music, why would’t everybody else”.
Fuck you public music listeners. With a rusty shovel.”
#1. The worst
“I’m hungry. I have plenty to eat but it’s all in the freezer. I don’t want any of it. I don’t feel like cooking.”