We all have those certain secrets.
Those skeletons in our closets that we’re ashamed of and that we look back on and think…”what the hell was I doing?”
I’m talking about the messed-up stuff we’ve done in our pasts…
And we’re about to get some pretty interesting confessions from total strangers.
Here’s what folks on AskReddit had to say.
“I worked at a super shady telemarketing company right after high school. They made people think they were a charity but they weren’t.
They sold stuff supposedly assembled by handicapped people and I talked in a voice that led people to believe I was mentally handicapped so they would feel bad and buy from me.
I’ve never hated myself more and I deserved to have my *ss kicked.”
2. Sorry about that.
“P*ssed myself at a friend’s house.
Then his parents had to replace the carpet.”
“I stole some Mother Theresa cards from our church and convinced my little cousin to go with me door to door selling them saying we were trying to raise money for the less fortunate.
We then used that money to go buy snacks at 7-11.
I was 12 and to this day I randomly wake up wondering wtf was I thinking. Doesn’t sound like it’s the most f*cked up thing ever but it did stick with me.”
4. Prank call.
“A long time ago when dinosaurs roamed the earth and you could make prank phone calls, my friends and I called a random number.
A woman answered and in a small child’s voice I asked her if she knew where my parents were. I must have gone on for at least 5 minutes, asking for my parents, got all upset, the whole 9 yards. At the end I said I had to go and hung up on her.
To this day that poor woman has no idea what happened to that little girl.”
“Broke my own arm on purpose and accidentally scheduled my surgery on Mother’s Day.”
6. That’s not nice.
“My first year of college, there was a really annoying guy in my class.
He was a total douche. One day he left class and my buddy and I saw that he left his book on the desk. We took it. Sold it to the bookstore and got burgers with the money.
I helped him look for his lost book the next day for an hour.”
7. Sorry about that.
“I had a gay friend that i knew before i started working with him. He had worked there for a few years.
I didn’t know he had told them he was married. I accidentally outed him.”
8. Don’t say that out loud.
“I told my mum she should have ab*rted me.
I meant it too, but maybe I could’ve kept it to myself.”
“We had a fight with the other neighborhoods kids, we cornered three of them with sticks and I threw a sharpened stick straight into his face.
I almost blinded him and he he had a big wound on his forehead. It was a very very very dumb impulsive move on my part.”
10. Collect call.
“I prank called a random number using a 1-800 ATT and a woman accepted the call with me only saying “I am in jail” instead of using a name.
The lady got hysterical after she accepted the call thinking it was her son so she went along with it and not thinking twice about my tone of voice.
I even threw my voice off pretending to be the detective after finding out the son’s name from her. I told he was arrested for touching a minor. She said she was on her way down to the jail house”
11. Nice work!
“I had a threesome with two married men in the bathroom of a local dive bar.”
“My friend and I played “poo dollar “one Saturday evening on campus in college. Now the traditional way of playing poo dollar is to simply put a piece of poo, and smush it into a crumbled up dollar bill, and when someone finds it in excitement, they get poo on their hands. It’s evil already by itself.
However, a 3rd wanted to join in on the fun, and he’s a huge Star Wars fan. He had a huge wad of fake $10 dollar bills with Jar Jar Binks’ face on it. He won them as a kid at Chuck E Cheese. He said each bill was 5 tickets each, and bought a wad with the 100 tickets he won.
He told himself as a kid that these would come in handy one day. Now mind you, these looked IDENTICAL to a $10 bill, except substitute good ol’ Alex Hamilton for Jar Jar f*cking Binks.
So this means that people would pick up this seemingly fake $10 bill in excitement, find poo on their hands, but find consolation in that it’s still a $10 bill. But nope, we even took the consolation away.
It was a fake Jar Jar Binks $10 bill AND you have poo on your hands.”
13. Bad days.
“When I was drinking I cashed my parents federal tax return check because I was broke and going through withdrawals.
I felt absolutely horrible once it was cashed and it never left me. Luckily I got sober about 2 years after that event and came clean to my parents about what I had done.
They said they had an idea it was me.”
14. Jacket = Ruined.
“When I was a kid a friend of mine came over for pizza and left.
I was upset that he didn’t stay to hang out. Heard something at my window and it was him getting my attention asking if he could have the leftover marinara sauce. I said sure, slightly opened the little marinara container and tossed it to him.
He had on a brand new Tommy Hilfiger winter jacket.”
Now it’s your turn!
In the comments, tell us the most screwed-up thing you’ve ever done in your life.
Let’s see what you got!