Just because people share your blood, that doesn’t mean you have to claim them – and if someone in my family committed one of these 14 crimes, I’m not sure I would claim them anymore, either.

Then again, sometimes people are just dumb…and you can hardly blame them for that, right?

14. That seems excessive.

My grandfather’s cousin stabbed a waiter to death because he wouldn’t let him use the employees-only restroom in his restaurant.

13. Through the mail?

Something similar happened to my uncle, except he wasn’t terminally ill. He was working in China and his longtime partner was trying to poison him (in food/pills she sent him).

Meanwhile at home she got Power of Attorney and put him hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt, buying expensive stuff…paying off her kids debt…etc. She went to the bank and got a friend to forge the POA.

He finally realized that he felt sick whenever he took the items she gave him and found out what she was doing. He came home and tried to get her arrested but I don’t think she ended up doing much time at all.

He’s still in huge debt from her and mainly lives in the Philippines.

12. Her poor parents.

Cousin was taking care of a woman in coma. He raped her. Little he knew was that her parents had set a webcam to check regularly if she would wake up…

He deserved every single day he spends in prison

11. This whole story though.

My friend got blackout drunk and stole a bulldozer that had the keys left in it.

He turned it on and obviously didn’t know how to drive it so he just ended up making the scoopy part go up and down for a bit before the cops came.

They actually let him go too.

10. Bad genes.

My husband’s dad killed the guy who his then girlfriend was cheating on him with. He was supposed to serve a life term but got out because of a clerical error. He did manual labor on a local park and apparently the guys who helped were suppose to get a reduced sentence. However he was not suppose to. (I think – my husband talked about it once).

Also, my husband’s half-brother, same murderous dad, killed his business partner. He would have gotten away with it however, he moved the body when he found out construction was going to start in that spot. And what were they going to build there? A prison. He’s currently serving a life sentence.

My husband has never met his half-brother. He also has 2 half-sisters from the same dad who are law abiding citizens.

9. As he should.

He’s dead now. But years ago my relative got in a bar fight and lost so he went to his vehicle to get his rifle.

Fortunately the police arrested him on the way in to the bar so his charges were a lot less. Still did jail time.

8. That’s quite a scam.

I worked at a movie theatre when Back To The Future was originally released. We used to take the entire movie ticket instead of tearing them and re-sell them to the next group coming in. The old theatre was massive. Sat 600 people.

We probably made about $15k between two of us in month or so. Adjusted for inflation, it’s about $37k. We were the richest high school kids in our town.

7. Just some kids messing around?

When I was a young teen, the boys from the neighborhood and I loved playing pinball and video games at our local bowling alley. Problem was we didn’t have enough money to enjoy our new addiction. We decided to do something about that little problem.

We started with a very rudimentary system. We actually scotch taped a piece of thread to a quarter and were able to fish it up and down a couple times before the string would break, or the tape would give out. This worked fairly well, but we wanted and needed more.

Our next plan was a little more professional. We somehow concocted a scheme to “make” quarters. A few lessons in science class had actually stuck, and we realized that we needed something to fool the coin mechanism in the pinball machine into thinking that whatever it was we made our quarters with was an actual quarter. We ended up deciding that lead would be our material of choice. We used lead for a couple of reasons. A couple of the guy’s father was an avid hunter. He even reloaded his own shotgun shells. Because of this he had a burner setup in his shop to melt down lead. Another reason is that lead is not magnetic (science!). We made a mold out of plaster and used the burner to melt lead to make our quarters. But where to get more lead??

One of us came up with the brilliant thought that tire weights were made of lead! Carrying screwdrivers and pliers we scoured the parking lots of shopping centers. We would wander through and drop down out of sight between cars. Using the tools we had brought we would manage to get the tire weights off with little trouble. We were in business!

Our production line was soon up and running. We would melt lead, pour it into our mold, cool it and then move on to finishing our new “quarter”. The finishing process was crude, but effective. We would snip off the burr where the lead was poured. We would then file down the edge, making sure it stayed mostly round. Using steel wool and a polishing cloth we would then shine the quarters. Now came the trial run.

We went to the bowling alley with a few quarters to see if our harebrained scheme would actually work. In they went, and the pinball machine lit up and was ready to be played. Success! We intensified our production and soon we had bunches of quarters. We were thrilled! We could play video games any time we wanted! Every day after school you’d find us at the bowling alley, happily playing our games. But our downfall was soon to come.

We never thought of the fact that someone might notice a bunch of fake quarters being used in their video games and pinball machines. It literally never crossed our early teenaged minds. We just knew we were having a blast. One fateful day we went to the bowling alley as usual. We started playing games and soon some men approached us. They started questioning us and accusing us. We were scared to death! One of the guys yelled “Run!” and we took off as fast as we could. We made it to the doors and down the steps we went. We all lived on the same cul-de-sac and that’s the direction we headed. Running as fast as we could, we briefly split up. The men that were chasing us only followed one of us kids. He made the colossal mistake of running straight to his house and through the front door. From there our crime spree ended.

A few days later I was in class when I was called to the office. When I got there my father was sitting with a man I’d never seen before. He was wearing a black suit with a black tie. I had to go before the principal, my father and a member of the United States Secret Service! Although they take the counterfeiting of US currency very seriously, they understood that it was just a bunch of knucklehead kids making quarters to play video games. He actually told me that he was impressed with the quality of the quarters. He also said that they had recovered over $75 in fake quarters! We had made, and used, over 300 quarters! We had to make restitution for the money and the charge was placed on our juvenile records. It was explained to us that if we kept our noses clean the charge would be expunged. Luckily for me I learned my lesson and stayed on the straight and narrow for the rest of my young adult life.

And that, fellow redditors is how I was charged with counterfeiting US currency. If that doesn’t define the meaning of a crazy crime, I don’t know what would.

6. Bless his heart.

My dad got into a bar fight around 21 or so, hit a guy so hard he killed him. He went to prison of course but while working along the road he stopped another prisoner that attacked a guard and tried to escape. My dad was released for that.

He never drank after that and if he got angry he just walked out of the house to cool off. He turned 81 a week ago and he’s the nicest, easiest going guy you would ever meet. He never judges anyone. He once said to me, we all make mistakes.

*for the record I only heard the story about 10 ys ago from my brother. He told him during a road trip. He lived in a small town and I have no idea what prison he was at or the official reason he was released but considering it was probably around ‘61/‘62 – they probably used whatever reason they wanted to for his release.

5. So much information.

My uncle sold Tim Allen the cocaine that got him sent to prison in the late 70’s.

Then my uncle ratted out others. I honestly don’t know much about it beyond that, don’t have much contact with that part of the family.

My uncle was a pathological liar and a very troubled guy. He died by suicide about 10 yrs ago.

4. What did I just read?

This was a couple of generations back (early 20th century) but there was this guy who was constantly getting drunk and harassing my great aunt.

So, one of her male friends dressed up in an Easter Bunny outfit, put a bat in its giant fake carrot and beat the dude with it.

He got away with it but I’m sure it helped that half the community was waiting for the day the guy’s liver finally gave out.

3. A little hero.

My grandfather’s father was a mean, abusive, hateful drunk, who would come home from working in the mines long enough to terrorize his children and impregnate his wife and then leave again for mine work.

He tried to set the house on fire, with wife and kids (13 of them) inside…twice.

One day my grandfather and a couple of his siblings were picking berries across the road from the house and his drunk father started taking potshots at them with a rifle. My grandpa, one brother, and his oldest sister took off running for the house with the agreement that the first one there would kill him (their father).

My grandpa’s sister got there first and shot him to death. She was never charged with a crime, due to her age and the fact that everyone knew my great grandfather was a mean son of a bitch and had it coming.

2. Some people never learn.

Cousin got busted robbing a bank. Got sentenced to jail. Proceeded to break out of jail with his cell mate and went on the run. Fast forward a few months and he’s living in a hotel room with his cell mate.

ell mate orders a pizza to the room (bad idea). Delivery guy recognized them and reported them to the police. They get arrested again and shortly after my cousin killed himself in prison.

My cousin had a wife and a kid and got into a nasty coke habit. We don’t bring him up anymore.

1. That was close.

I used to drive for my weed dealer. I was a new buyer but I never asked questions and was cool with him. His car broke down and asked if anyone could drive him. I said I would, and he liked that. I have my back windows tinted but not my front windows.

I’d pick him up and we’d drive almost all day. It was pretty chill. He’s give me free weed and pay me $250 a day. I still worked my part time delivery job so I was very happy.

He got his car fixed and didn’t need me to drive him around anymore. Which is fine, considering his ex snitched in him and he got busted a couple weeks later.

These are killing me (but thank goodness they didn’t actually kill me).

If you’ve got a good story for this list, share it with us in the comments!