Most people would agree that white lies are harmless – or at least, that they’re meant to be. They’re things you say when you’re trying to avoid something, when you’re trying not to hurt someone’s feelings, and they’re meant to make things better, not worse.
Sometimes, though, we don’t realize how things are going to snowball out of control until it’s too late.
14. This is just kind of sad.
Not me, but when I started my job I heard the name “Amanda” mentioned from time to time in very serious tones and saw her name on some of the paperwork we were processing out.
Eventually I find out that Amanda was the girl I replaced. Amanda was apparently the type who wanted to settle down with a big family, and one day she got her wish, and posted on FB that she was pregnant.
Lots of my coworkers are friends on FB and the news quickly spread to the office. They arranged a baby shower for her, and at the appropriate time, she goes on maternity leave.
As the weeks go on, there starts being noise that there’s trouble with HR. Turns out she hasn’t provided any official documentation they need to process her maternity leave. She couldn’t produce the documents because the entire thing was a lie, and so she had to be fired for the time taken off and attempted fraud.
Turns out she lied on FB, likely out of jealousy and sadness because her sister had just gotten married or had some other milestone.
I asked whether or not she had started showing in the months before she left, and I was told that she was sort of a bigger girl to begin with and it was hard to tell. Some of them said they could tell she was faking, but what could they do? My coworkers were extremely irritated about the baby shower they had thrown for her, apparently they had given her some really good stuff that wasn’t cheap.
I’ve thought about this some, and I think once the lie started she only had two options: fake a miscarriage, or just quit instead of going on maternity leave. But i think part of her probably liked the fantasy and attention and wanted to ride it out as long as she could get it. It’s really sad when people have very achievable goals but they’re just out of reach for them, for one reason or another.
13. That could have gone much worse.
I lied by adding I speak a third language fluently, that’s ‘Tamil’ on my CV (my country’s two main languages are Sinhala and Tamil). My work colleagues thought I was cool for being trilingual and made me teach them to swear in both languages. The third language had poorly pronounced words but I was enjoying the attention.
Eventually, there was a big chance to secure a deal with a client who spoke Tamil. My boss specifically brought me to the trip and introduced us and jokingly said ‘now talk in Tamil!’. I thought I was fucked and decided to speak in my second native language (Sinhala), thinking confidence can sell, right? The bugger spoke back to me in Sinhala! I explained the lie to him. Luckily it went well and we both laughed it off in front of my boss. My workplace still thinks I’m trilingual.
12. Kids, am I right?
I was 13 and I used to have a paper round and I couldn’t be bothered to deliver one evening.
So I decided to dump them and told the paper shop owner that I had my delivery bag stolen from me when I went to start my route…they then asked me a few questions and then the police got involved and even went round in the police car to where it “happened” and if I knew who did it.
11. What good friends!
I can’t go to your party because I’m feeling sick tonight.
A few hour later, my friends are knocking at my door with chicken soup when all I wanted was a quiet evening to read and masturbate.>
10. A Brazilian exchange student I knew in high school called them this.
Told a Moroccan man who moved to the states that chipmunks were actually a type of monkey called, “chipmunkeys.”
He wholeheartedly believed me and I haven’t seen him since.
9. Don’t do drugs, my friends.
Okay so I was trying to get my lying calibration with a budding drug addiction in early adolescence and figuring out when to hold/when to fold. Like, when do you make shit up and when do you lie by omission, right? So one night I come home and just book it past my parents because I am far too high to deal with them. I have cinnabar eyes and sniffles, its a bit much. Last time of “say nothing” erupted so I just made something up quick so I could go to my room without being bothered. When asked “Why are your eyes so red?” I blurted out with 0 thought “SETH’S SISTER HAS CANCER!” and kept sniffling then shut the door.
Seth is an only child. This story had to evolve with his assistance every time I saw him. I made him participate.
Mom asked me about “Rebecca” regularly for like, a decade.
Im 13 years clean in October. Theres this whole thing about making amends unless to do so would injure them or others, and since mom would uhhhhhhhhh fucking murder Seth for going along with it, I have said nothing. She hasn’t asked about it in maybe 5 years so I don’t feel as bad anymore but fuck.
I’m an awful person, but for what its worth, Rebecca is in remission now and has a beautiful family.
8. This happened in Girls Just Want to Have Fun!
About 35 years ago a friend went out on a bike ride and was due home about 5pm. He lost track of time and was now really late, fully aware his parents would be losing their sh1t with him. He was about 1 mile from home.
He saw an old couple and decided he would approach them and tell them he had a really bad tummy ache and he needed to get home (before mobile phones and stranger danger was prevalent). The old couple took him home in their car and explained to his parents how poorly he was (!).
He sobbed and clutched his tummy to add to the effect – really trying his hardest to ensure he didn’t get into trouble. Acting so well, his parents decided to take him straight to a and e, where a doctor quickly decided it was appendicitis. Down to the operating theatre and whipped it out.
The lovely old couple brought sweets etc over and his parents couldn’t do enough for him whilst he recovered. To this day his parents still don’t know.
7. When even the cops get involved.
So, my wife and I have a friend (we’ll call him Ryan) who was our roommate for several years. At the time he was working for Krispy Kreme (a doughnut chain for you non-Americans). It’s worth pointing out that Ryan is honest almost to a fault. He has absolutely no ability to lie. His tells are super obvious and he really never tries to deceive anybody. Like, seriously, not even little white lies.
One day Ryan came up to me and mentioned that a coworker was interested in getting a copy of the old Rainbow Brite movie from the 80s for his little daughter. I’ve been known to sail the seas, and I went out, found a copy and burned it to DVD for his friend. Easy peasy, never thought of it again.
Flash forward maybe a year and we’re sitting around the house about midnight. Ryan has to go down to Krispy Kreme to pick up his check. It’s about a thirty minute drive and he asks if I’d like to come along for the ride. I’ve got nothing better going on, so I agree to meet him. The store is closed at this point, though there’s still staff there cleaning and getting things ready for the morning shift. It’s worth pointing out that I have never set foot in this store before.
Ryan heads into the back office to get his check and I just chill up by the register. As I’m looking around and minding my own business I see a guy approach. He looks at me and says in a bewildered tone, “Are you podobuzz?” I thought it was a little strange that he knew my name, but whatever, Ryan works here. I’ve probably been brought up before.
“Yeah, that’s me,” I respond.
“You’re out already?” he asked.
Ummm… I have no idea what that means, so I just kind of shrug and say, “Yep, I’m out now.”
“Wow, I figured it would be years,” he said.
At this point I’m thoroughly confused and have no idea what this guy is on about. Right about this time Ryan comes back from the office and we make our way to his car.
When we get to the car, I tell Ryan about the weird encounter I just had with that worker. Almost immediately Ryan turns beet red and tells me he has a confession to make.
The long and short is this:
The guy who spoke with me was the one who requested the Rainbow Brite movie. Apparently, after I had supplied the movie he came back to Ryan and asked if I could get him some more stuff. Ryan said sure, make a list. Well, apparently this list was extensive, including not just movies but full runs of tv shows. Ryan felt that asking me this would be an imposition, as it would require a lot of time and discs, and ultimately he just wasn’t comfortable bringing that list to me.
So this is where his lie comes in…
Apparently the wife and I were getting it on in our bedroom one night at the apartment and got very loud. Our noise caused a bit of a public disturbance and a neighbor called the police. They come bashing on my door and when I swing it open the cops get a clear view of my living room. Picture Scarface, but instead of cocaine it’s illicit discs. Piles of them. Thousands of them. I was running a massive piracy enterprise out of my apartment, apparently supplying most of the southeast US with illegal copies of everything from The Wiggles to District 9.
Well, the cops took me in that night and I ended up getting a federal case slapped against me for distribution of copyrighted materials. I get handed a stiff sentence at a federal penitentiary for my evil deeds.
All because Ryan was too embarrassed to just tell the guy that he was asking a bit much of me.
6. A bad mistake, indeed.
Let me tell you that I have made a bad mistake this evening.
My girlfriend (who let me tell you is only my 2nd girlfriend of all time) said I am “invited to dinner” with her and her parents. I was very aghast, nervous, and bashful to be invited to such a situation. But I knew it must be done.
I met them nicely, I should tell you, and it started off in a good way. The idea slapped my mind that I should do a comic bit, to make a good impression and become known to them as a person who is amusing.
When I saw that baked potatoes were served I got the idea that it would be very good if I pretended I did not know what potatoes was. That would be funny.
Well let me tell you: backfired on my face. I’ll tell you how.
So first when the potato became on my plate, I acted very interesting. I showed an expression on my face so as to seem that I was confused, astounded but in a restrained way, curious, and interested. They did notice, and seemed confused, but did not remark. So I asked “This looks very interesting. What is this?”
They stared at me and the mother said “It’s a baked potato.” And I was saying “Oh, interesting, a baked….what is it again?”
And she was like “A potato.”
And I was like “A ‘potato’, oh interesting. Never heard of a potato, looks pretty good.”
And then they didn’t see I was clowning, but thought I really did not know what is a potato. So I knew I would be very shamed, humiliated, depressed, and disgusted if I admitted to making a bad joke, so what I did was to act as if it was not a joke but I committed to the act of pretending I didn’t know what a potato is.
They asked me, VERY incredulous, did I really not know what a potato is? That I never heard of a potato. I went with it and told them, yes, I did not ever even hear of a potato. Not only had I never eaten a potato I had never heard the word potato.
This went on for a bit and my girlfriend was acting very confused and embarrassed by my “fucked up antics”, and then the more insistent I was about not knowing what a potato is was when them parents starting thinking I DID know what a potato was.
Well let me tell you I had to commit 100% at this point. When I would not admit to knowing what a potato was, the father especially began to get annoyed. At one point he said something like “Enough is enough. You’re fucking with us. Admit it.” And I said “Sir, before today I never heard of a potato. I still don’t know what a potato is, other than some kind of food. I don’t know what to tell you.”
Well let me tell you he got very annoyed. I decided to take a bite of the potato, and when I did I made a high pitched noise and said “Taste’s very strange!”
That is when the father started yelling at me, and the mother kept saying “What are you doing?” and my girlfriend went to some other room.
Finally the father said I should “Get the fuck out of his house” and I said it was irrational to treat me like this just because I never heard of a potato before. Well let me tell you he didn’t take that kindly.
Now in text messages I have been telling my girlfriend I really don’t know what a potato is. The only way I can ever get out of this is for them to buy that I don’t know what a potato is.
I wish I never started it but I can’t go back. I think she will break up with me anyway.
5. Funny sibling stuff.
Young co-worker and his sister would play practical jokes on each other.
She put an exploding “cigarette load” in one of his cigarettes.
He discovered it, stopped by drugstore on way home and bought an eyepatch. Went to a bar to kill some time, called home and told mom cig exploded and he was at emergency.
Unknown to him, sis confesses to mom, mom slaps her upside head and much tears and sadness and anger all around.
Co worker goes home with eye patch on, unaware of turmoil.
Much sympathy and apologies and crying, even nearby relatives had come to house to berate sister.
Co-worker has to wear eye patch for six weeks, never ‘fessed up.
4. This is such a weird one.
I’ve always tried to do my best to live within my means, so anytime my job offers anyone overtime I always turn it down.
Eventually a few coworkers asked me about it and I explained that I had a side hustle on the weekend working with “pharmaceuticals” so I didn’t need the extra money.
I was completely joking and assumed that was obvious until a few weeks later when random people at work began to approach me asking if I had anything on me and what my prices were.
3. Bahaha this is great.
I didn’t start the lie but I doubled down on it. I had an Ex from another country, she was talking to a co-worker and she asked him why are black people so heavily represented in American sports (The co-worker and I are both black).
Now she was a bit gullible so he told her it’s because we have an extra muscle in our calves and as me and I’ll show her. So she did ask me, I have fat guy calves so with a flex they are actually really fucking defined. It’s always leg day when you’re chunky. So I point out the extra muscle have her flex and show her where it’s missing.
She went back and told him honestly I thought he would tell her it was a joke he thought I would tell her and we both kinda forgot about it. Little later the Olympics were on we ended up at a get together for the opening ceremony and she starts going into how unfair it is the US buts up so many black people to compete with our extra muscles.
2. He can’t stop now.
I was driving somewhere with my friend’s fiancee. Up ahead I could see a dead skunk on the side of the road so I switched the AC from vent to recycle. She looked at me confused and asked why I did that. I lied for the fun of it and said we were in kind of a marshy area with lots of bugs and I didn’t want them to get into the car through the vent.
Flash forward 10 years and I’m driving somewhere with my friend’s wife and she reaches over and switches the AC from vent to recycle. I ask her why and she explains there are a lot of bugs in the area and she doesn’t want them getting into the car. I’m about to educate her that that isn’t how it works and then suddenly I remember… oh… so I just leave it alone.
Flash forward 10 more years and I’m driving somewhere with my friend’s teenage daughter and she reaches over and switches the AC from vent to recycle… uh-oh.
1. What a brat! Ha!
I was a little devil. So my family from my mother’s side is Mexican. All of my cousins are blonde and/or very, very light-skinned including myself. I went to stay there for a summer when I was around 6-7 and my cousins and I spent a full day at a nearby pool with a bunch of other kids.
I was used to bringing sun screen in my back pack, but my cousins didn’t even think about it since no one else has using sunscreen. As the day ended most of the other kids were okay, maybe just a little more tanned.
My cousins had major sunburns and were crying. One of them asked how come I was fine. Instead of showing them my sunscreen and aloe vera lotion I told them I used the same thing we used for mosquito bites-lemon.
Yes, they tried it. It resulted in 6 kids full of blisters and no birthday party for me that year. After my first real sunburn I realize how much of a monster I am.
This has happened to all of us at one time or another, but we just never learn our lesson, do we?
Tell us the story of how this happened to you – we’re all ears!