Marriage: it’s bliss 100% of the time. Right?!
Okay, maybe that’s a bit of an exaggeration.
And these husbands know it, because they all tweeted out some hilarious observations about married life. Do any of these situations look familiar to you?
Yes, dear! Coming, dear!
1. Since you’re already up…
Me: (stands up)
Wife: While you’re up….
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) June 12, 2019
2. Who did this?!?!
My wife and I share an Amazon account.
This came up as a recommended purchase.
Now accusations are flying back and forth about who searched for what.
I'm not sure if we can survive this. pic.twitter.com/EoxtddBN06
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 27, 2019
3. You sure about that?
"I don't want popcorn"
– My wife, who's about to eat half my popcorn during this movie
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) May 11, 2019
4. At least two
Marriage teaches you when your wife asks you which shoes look better, simply picking one won't do, you must present at least two concise, legitimate reasons.
— Dan Regan (@Social_Mime) July 7, 2019
5. You can be replaced
Guys, if you're ever feeling like your wife couldn't possibly live without you, remember that Target sells body pillows, coffee, batteries and in some states, wine. #marriedlife
— TwinzerDad (@TwinzerDad) December 16, 2018
6. Well, there is
Before I got married I didn't even know there was a wrong way to put the milk back in the fridge
— Josh (@iwearaonesie) June 10, 2015
7. Not equal, is it?
Mornings when my wife can sleep in:
Me: [tiptoeing around, whispering to kids, wearing only socks until I leave the house]
Mornings when I can sleep in:
Wife: DOES ANYONE ELSE WANT A SMOOTHIE [sound of blender]
— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) June 20, 2019
8. The “better people”
Marriage is mostly about knowing which hand towels you can use and which ones are for the better people who visit your wife's home.
— Troy Johnson (@_troyjohnson) May 28, 2015
9. Just agree
I’ve agreed so much with my wife that my head just starts nodding at the sound of her voice.
— Kent Graham (@KentWGraham) September 19, 2016
Just regaled my wife with a story about a grocery coupon that should have worked but didn’t but then the guy got it to work after all.
Don’t tell me the spark is gone.
— Distracted Dad (@Distracted_Dad) February 28, 2018
11. You blew it!
I don’t always pick out the wrong item when my wife sends me to the store but when I do I buy it in the mega-pack.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) July 18, 2019
Wife: *gets back from the butcher shop* They said this is the hottest sausage I'll ever have.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 14, 2017
13. That’ll show her
When my wife pisses me off, I get on her Pinterest and pin lots of mediocre shit, like cupcakes that just look like cupcakes.
— The Dad (@thedad) March 24, 2013
wife: I want you-
me: [takes off clothes]
wife: -to do the laundry
me: [puts them in washer]
— *sigh*clops (@DadZZZasleep) July 22, 2019
15. Escape route
Before I got married I never understood why dad would go work on his car when it was 12 degrees outside
— Josh (@iwearaonesie) November 24, 2016
Hit the nail on the head!