15 Moms and Dads That Won’t Be Winning ‘Parent of the Year’ Anytime Soon

Nothing says “I’ve got this parenting thing under control!” like using my son’s last juice box as a mixer.

— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) September 10, 2018

7yo: The tooth fairy didn’t come last night!

Me: That bitch.

7: What?

Me: What?

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) June 3, 2019

Heard my 7yo call my 5yo a dick & I told her it isn’t a word she can say & she asked if she can say it when she’s 15 & I said no & she asked if she can say it when she’s an adult & I said no & she asked if she can say it in jail & I said if she goes to jail then she can say dick

— Ash (an female) ⚪️ (@adult_mom) January 15, 2018

The 4 yr old is wandering the house in a life jacket, crying b/c it's clipped. He also cried when I unclipped it.

We don't even own a boat.

— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) July 18, 2017

Just overheard my 5-year-old tell her sisters, "…and that's how you defuse a bomb," and now I feel like I should probably pay attention.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 8, 2019

My kid got invited to a birthday party and I don’t like that kid’s mom so I bought a musical instrument set that includes a drum, a recorder, and a harmonica. I’ll see you in hell, Bethany.

— Sassparilla (@Megatronic13) January 27, 2019

3yo: Do you want to play princesses with me?
Me: Of course!
3yo: Ok, I’ll be Ariel. Who do you want to be?
Me: Sleeping Beauty.
3yo: How come you always pick her?
Me:
3yo:
Me: *already asleep on the couch*

— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) March 14, 2019

me *brings toddler his juice* What do you say?
toddler: Finally

— Josh (@iwearaonesie) May 19, 2018

I'm the kind of mom who burns one side of the grilled cheese, serves it to her kid with the non-burned side up, and crosses her fingers.

— SpacedMom (@copymama) May 26, 2017

Pediatrician: They're only getting two hours of screen time a day, right?

Me: HAHAHAHA! I mean, yes.

— Ramblin Mama (@ramblinma) May 5, 2017

Husband: So we've basically given up.

Me: On what?

H: *gestures to 4yo carefully piling spaghetti on his head*: Parenting.

— Mom Psychologist (@mompsychologist) January 31, 2017

I don't like to point fingers, but sometimes I really want to point my middle finger at the 1yo.

— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) February 21, 2019